Dealing with nagging questions

People who experience the passing of a dearly loved person, especially a child, will invariably wonder why this happened to them. Many will dwell on questions about what they could have done to prevent it. The inner dialogue usually goes, “If I’d just done this, or if I’d just done that,” implying that they were somehow in control. The fact is that there is rarely anything the person could have done to change the outcome, so they end up causing their own suffering by continuing to contemplate endless “what ifs.”

The “why” question is a big one and may never be answered to the satisfaction of most people. But they can move forward to live a happy and productive life if they are willing to shift their thinking. The first requirement is being open to happiness, rather than believing they must suffer to honor their loved one. If a person inwardly asks themselves whether their loved one would want them to be unhappy, the answer is invariably no. Next, the person must be willing to accept that things will never be the same as they were before. They can be happy and even continue to have a relationship with their loved one in a new way, spiritually, not physically, so things will be different.

Finally, there is the issue of context—the big picture. The reality is that this life is short, and we will all physically die at some point. From my personal perspective, this life is but a blip in our extended existence, just one step in the evolution of our soul or spirit. From that standpoint, I can understand that there may have been profound reasons why my son, Brandon, left this world more quickly than I would have liked. Perhaps he was an advanced soul, here to teach through the example he set, based on how he lived and loved. I know that he behaved in a kind and altruistic manner because of his inner nature, not because of any rulebook or dogma. I have grown through the lessons he taught me and have used his wisdom to help others. I also have confidence that I will be with Brandon again—and he will be different. He will be more.

What did your loved one teach you?