I suspect that all of us have times and moments when we find ourselves swimming in the waters of uncertainty or self-doubt. Sometimes it is only a momentary phase, more often, it lingers and lasts a while and we can't always stay afloat and find the shore again by ourselves. Thank God for God in such times, however God shows up to assist us and uphold us. Rev. Ted Toder journalled about it this way in his meditation: "A Night Light Against the Darkness":
O God, I am tentative before you, confused in my clutter of misplaced dreams,
abandoned hopes, misplaced faith;
shrivelled by the cramp of busy-ness, the leak of disappointment, the grind of cynicism.
From this mock of shadows, this nightmare of botch, I turn to you, this prayer a night light against the darkness.
There is a strange assurance in the turning, as if at the approaching of a long-lost friend.
In my brokenness glimmers an awareness the only what is broken, like bread, and hearts,
can be shared; that love is hard, tougher than nails, humbling as mystery, true to life.
Broken God, I would endure this love, swear and weep to welcome it.
So come, God, into my brokenness.
Resurrect the cluttered pieces of me into a stronger, somewhat whole
and make me brave to dream anew, to hope the kin(g)dom in,
to share the bit of truth that I am toward some sweeter, saving end,
to love us creature fools hard, yet with a merciful, knowing heart.
Grace, then, to fear not the shadows, but to heed the ripples of light forever breaking in,
bidding me rise and follow toward brothers, sisters, the promised day,
and you."
From Wrestling the Light (1991)
