June 2019
Father's Day is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.
In Catholic Europe, it has been celebrated on March 19 ( Saint Joseph's Day) since the Middle Ages. This celebration was brought by the Spanish and Portuguese to Latin America, where March 19 is often still used for it, though many countries in Europe and the Americas have adopted the U.S. date, which is the third Sunday of June. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in the months of March, April and June. It complements similar celebrations honoring family members, such as Mother's Day, Siblings Day, and Grandparents' Day.
I am aware of what seems to be a very different energy and practice regarding Father's Day as compared to Mother's Day. I won't presume to understand, explain or postulate about what the varying energy may be about.

I notice that I vacillate between a sincere desire for fathers to assume MORE responsibility for the family than I experienced with my daddy, and wanted them to be free of the burden of carrying too much responsibility if it is that burden that causes the drinking, leaving, abandonment, affairs, despair and other humanly stresses.
"The expectations about fathers are false."
  ~ Martha Creek
I'm acutely aware that the role my father played in my life was one of many judgments from me, including: weak, irresponsible, childish, immature, out of control, addicted to alcohol, and dependent on wife, family and others to organize life and keep things going. The GREAT news is I'm also deeply aware that the heart of my father was the size of the moon and he also demonstrated many admirable traits and qualities. He was so likeable, loveable and easy to be with (when not drinking). He had a special love and attraction for children and they were drawn to him as playful, interactive and joyful (drinking or not drinking). He was actually very easy going, which a counselor told me recently was "detached". Even if that is true, it was okay with me. He didn't believe in hell and wasn't scared about concepts of death or afterlife. Although in his final weeks, he reported having a conversion, being saved and ready to meet God. So, we can never know what we actually believe or how quickly it may change.
I loved my daddy from my earliest memories. I worried about him when he was drinking and VERY often coached and counseled him about how to STOP drinking. I would explain how inconvenient it was, upsetting to the family (especially momma) and that "just for today or for Christmas" could you skip the drinking? It didn't seem that easy for him as even with the advising, fixing, strategies, solutions, begging, expecting, deal making and wanting, he most often was drinking, even on special occasions.
He didn't identify as alcoholic and would laugh if I or someone else referred to him as that. He was very confident he could stop drinking anytime he wanted to. I didn't believe it, however, and would offer plenty of info and details as to how his belief was off. As it turned out, he was diagnosed in 2005 with throat cancer, and actually stopped drinking then because it simply "hurt too much to drink." No detoxing, no support, no program, just stopped. So, again, I was wrong about what was possible -- limited at best, and he did everything he did with a 4th grade education.
Daddy died in April 2007 from metastatic cancer. I spent most of his last two years with him, driving up and down the roads to doctors, treatments and sight-seeing when he felt like it. That was a FAVORITE thing for him to do. He could spot a wild turkey or deer or other wildlife from what seemed liked miles away.
I grew up a lot during those years of caring for him. I was required to define myself with my brothers, especially my youngest brother Randy during that time. The relationship with my mother was intense also, and required me to practice what I was preaching around how to be a self, with less seeking approval, appreciation and agreement from others in close relationship.

As I reflect on the role of Father, I am aware that it is broad, not so tidy and deeper than I can imagine. I salute you ALL in the broad spectrum of Father energy, including Father, Stepfather, men who wanted to be fathers and couldn't; men who didn't want to be fathers and had to; men who raised other men's children; men who didn't have the stamina to stay in the family; men who stepped in when others didn't; men who didn't have male role models and stepped up anyway; men who broke the cycles of abuse, addiction and other traumatic family patterns; men who were victims of the traumas and abuse; men who, we may never understand, created and caused the abuse; men - all of you. May your hearts be lighter, freer and so confident about who and what you are that you are not dependent on anyone, anything or any substance to navigate the winds of life.
May you find healing, understanding and renewal in the music gifts this month. I was astounded at how deeply I felt these old favorites again as I listened.
In the meantime:
  • Keep it between the lines. Take your time. Hug tightly. Color with a child - yours or somebody else's. Get down on your knees sometimes. Remember you're not alone. You're gonna do fine. 
  • Take some little one to a movie. Pray for yes when it matters to you. Families change and include surprising twists. Gratitude for what we have and had. 
  • God will restore the hearts of the fathers. See the best parts of your father in you. What is meant to be, will be. 
  • Walk ALL the walks that life includes. Fear and worry will be part of the journey -- and it will be alright. We can't hold back the hands of time. Others have been in our shoes. Every stage is inevitable
  • Someone thinks you walk on water too. We are larger than life to our kids or someone's kids. Live into the love that is present. 
  • Life's experiences shaped us to know what our integrity is. Some will experience love without end and others won't experience the love they desire.
It's mine and your time to "FATHER" ourselves for our sake, the sake of them, and the whole of humanity. Look forward to seeing you somewhere along the path.
Greatest of love from my mothering heart,
Martha Creek

Martha Creek




"My father used to say that it's never too late to do anything you wanted to do. And he said, 'You never know what you can accomplish until you try."
  ~ Michael Jordan
"Every day is Father's Day for me to my father. And hopefully I can do the right things for my daughter where she thinks the same. "  
~ Saquon Barkley
"My father worked with a first-grade education in this country and managed every single day without a hiccup."  
~ Tony Cardenas
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