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Many autistic teens, especially those with subtle traits or late diagnosis, spend years adapting to a world that doesn’t quite fit them. Often misunderstood or overlooked, they develop strategies to navigate social spaces, avoid stigma, and stay safe. These strategies, masking, passing, and covering, can help teens blend in, but they come at a significant emotional and neurological cost. Understanding the differences between these behaviors is key to recognizing when support is needed, even if everything “looks fine” on the surface.
Masking
- Hiding or suppressing autistic traits to appear neurotypical
- Includes mimicking facial expressions, rehearsing conversations, forcing eye contact, suppressing stimming
- Used to avoid judgment, bullying, or social rejection
- Extremely energy-intensive and emotionally exhausting
For many teens with subtle or late-identified autism, masking becomes second nature long before they understand why they’re doing it. They learn early that certain behaviors, like flapping hands, talking about niche interests, or needing extra processing time, aren’t welcomed. So, they bury those traits. They study how others act, copy them, and try to blend in. This might earn praise (“You seem so normal!”), but it’s often a performance. Masking requires intense mental effort, and by the end of the school day, these teens are depleted. They may retreat to their rooms, shut the door, and collapse. This constant strain can lead to anxiety, depression, and autistic burnout.
Passing
- Being perceived by others as neurotypical, intentionally or unintentionally
- Often a result of effective masking or subtle traits
- Leads to under-recognition of needs and withheld support
- Creates a painful gap between internal experience and external expectations
Teens who “pass” often go unnoticed by educators and clinicians. Their distress doesn’t look dramatic; it looks like withdrawal, perfectionism, or “quirkiness.” Because they aren’t visibly struggling, they’re assumed to be fine. But inside, they may feel constantly on edge, afraid that any misstep will expose them. They don’t get accommodations because no one thinks they need them. And over time, this gap between who they are and how they’re treated leaves them feeling deeply unseen.
Covering
- Toning down traits without erasing them entirely
- Stimming in more subtle ways, adapting interests to be more socially acceptable
- Requires less effort than masking but still takes a toll
- A compromise between authenticity and safety
Covering is often a quieter, more sustainable strategy, but it still takes energy. A teen might still stim, but only under the desk. They’ll talk about their special interests, but only the parts they know others won’t find weird. It’s a negotiation between being true to themselves and avoiding judgment. While it may feel less fake than masking, covering still limits self-expression and contributes to ongoing stress.
These adaptations aren’t about deception, they’re about self-preservation. For autistic teens, especially those diagnosed later or flying under the radar, the effort to be accepted can be constant and consuming. It’s up to the adults in their lives to notice the hidden work they’re doing and to create spaces where that work isn’t necessary.
We are fortunate to understand more and more about neurodiversity. Demonstrating acceptance of and kindness towards ALL neurotypes will help teens grow and thrive.
~Britt Rathbone, LCSW-C
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