Connection-Based Parenting Part 3: Connection-based Limits
What if you could have a nurturing relationship with your kiddo that was a mix of fun and struggles - and if the fun felt more FUN and the struggles felt smaller and calmer?
Parenting doesn’t have to focus on rewards and punishment, or evaluating whether or not kids are doing what they’re told to decide if they’re behaving well or not. It can focus on supporting developing people as they grow, and having fun and connecting along the way.
We know from decades of research, as well as millennia of wisdom and observation, that we all learn and digest information best when we are at rest. Kids have so very much to learn over the course of childhood - everything they learn at school, every way they interact with their fellow humans and the world around them, and every way they respect and care for themselves - it’s a lot!
Sometimes parenting does not feel very restful - to parents or to kids!
When caring for kids looks more like enforcing rules, it tends to leave both kids and parents feeling stressed out and less connected. This can result in kids learning LESS than we want them to about how to live and be in their lives, and feeling more upset, too.
CONNECTION is here to save the day. When we set and hold limits with a focus on connection, rather than on consequences or compliance, kids learn to value themselves, to solve problems calmly, and to listen to themselves when it’s important (think: consent and respect in dating life; workplace relationships in early adulthood).
We’ve talked a bit about what it looks like to focus on connection with kids, including:
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