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Newsletter May 2023

Martha’s Vineyard

Mediation Program

MEDIATION MUSINGS

Timing, Design, and Saying Yes

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

“My dad told me that if someone needs you, they call you, and if they need you, you go.” Most experienced mediators have said something similar to this quote from Jerry Roscoe. He is the mediator that was called in at the eleventh hour to the Dominion/Fox court case. If you haven’t been paying attention, the case settled at the very last minute, as attorneys were loading up their court slide decks and the jury was ready to be seated.

I don’t know Jerry Roscoe, who has international wartime mediation experience, and I don’t pretend to know the details of what was reported in the press as a 36-hour long mediation in a such a high-stakes, public-eye case. What I do know is that there are plenty of mediators who share Roscoe’s sentiment about showing up to provide mediation when you are needed.

Mr. Roscoe, hiding in the back of a tour bus with his coat over his head to preserve confidentiality, knew the court case was about to begin, having been granted a one-day delay. Coming in at this late stage requires a mediator to be a quick study, distilling the case down to its essence. Finding emerging agreements, absorbing the ultimate goals of each side, keeping parties apart, and putting them together when the timing is right are all matters of skill, creativity, and luck.

For the individual mediator, each case is an opportunity to say yes or no. For me, after many decades within or adjacent to the mediation profession, it’s pretty remarkable how often mediators say yes. Jerry Roscoe was on a river cruise on the Danube when he got the call to mediate the Fox/Dominion case. Those who don’t do this work might think, C’mon Jerry, enjoy the cruise. Revel in seeing the countries in peacetime that were in military conflict when you were there as mediator. Take a break, Jerry. I was not surprised to hear about Roscoe’s yes to the case. It’s in the blood. We signed up to help bring folks together, to find a way, to listen for the way forward.

Saying yes doesn’t make one famous or celebrated. The dozen mediators I worked with at a conference last week are not household names. On late-night segments where they ask folks in Times Square what the name of the vice president or mayor is, and find blank faces, they would also find blank faces if you posed the name of Jerry Roscoe. Celebrity is not the goal for any mediator that I know. In fact, being well known can be a real detriment as we seek to take the neutral spot in helping others resolve their conflicts.

I had to hunt to find an image of Jerry Roscoe, Mediator, sorting through people with the same name—a guitarist, golfer, grandfather. When I researched the case and mediator, I could easily find many pictures of the lawyers, Fox News figures, the judge, and the façade of the courthouse. I finally found a photo on mediate.com of the relatively anonymous JAMs mediator who found himself in the middle of a huge legal and commercial dispute, said yes, had a good sense of timing, and designed a process that worked. What mediators do every day.

Longer version of Mediators Musings here.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

Youth Mediation
Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
Housing Mediation
Civil Court / Small Claims
Re-Entry Program
Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
Facilitation Services
Agricultural Mediation
Conflict Coaching
Financial Conflict Coaching
Elderly and Aging Mediation
Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs

[email protected] or call 508-693-2999

Housing Program

[email protected] or call 508-693-2199

FEATURED SERVICE:

PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS

AND

ELDERLY & AGING MEDIATION

Kiki Homer

“Mediation gave me a voice . . . I was able to speak for myself in an environment where my family was encouraged to try to come up with positive constructive solutions that everyone could buy into. We were able to listen to each other instead of just reacting as we have for so many years.” This sentiment is shared by many participants who avail themselves of elderly mediation and productive conversations services.

Most families have developed conflict resolution methods with minimal consideration or training. “We do what was done to us.” Generational attitudes of avoidance, aggression, and/or shaming/blaming persist in many families. As the older generation ages and transitional decisions must be made among extended family members, ineffective conflict methodologies and historical practices impede productive conversations. MV Mediation can provide neutral, confidential, and professional services to help participants have productive conversations.

We are often approached by a family member who is interested in resolving an issue involving grown siblings and aging parents. They may be interested in mediation services to focus on a specific set of issues, for example around elder care or estate planning. Mediation can be an empowering process for family members willing and able to openly discuss matters and collaboratively resolve conflict, especially around dynamics of family caregiving.

In other cases, a family may be interested in facilitation services to deepen their understanding of approaches to conflict resolution and to consider their family conflict resolution history from the varied perspectives of the family member participants. This involves a shared and guided process with the goal of mutuality. The family is then introduced to various conflict resolution tools and collaboratively establishes best practices for decision-making, problem solving, and approaching difficult life decisions. If needed, the mediator assists with formalized mediation sessions as well as referrals to agencies with specialized support services.

Reach out to us to learn more about Elderly & Aging Mediation and Productive Conversations services.

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Here is a recent post from Crystal Thorpe from Elder Decisions:

Many of us . . . help others deal with conflict more effectively, and yet, conversations in our own families can be especially difficult. Arline Kardasis and I had the pleasure of talking with Sam Fuqua and Alexis Miles on a recent episode of Well, That Went Sideways! about Elder Conflict. Tune in to hear case examples and tips for increasing understanding and communication when dealing with challenging family conversations around transitions related to aging. Check out the interview on Well, That Went Sideways! https://www.sidewayspod.org/episodes-1/episode/24982de2/s3e2-elder-conflict

Below is a link to the “We Need to Talk” online seminar mentioned in the interview. This free seminar is produced by AARP and based on information created jointly by the Hartford and the MIT AgeLab, and can “help you determine how to assess your loved ones’ driving skills and provide tools to help you have this important conversation.” https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/we-need-to-talk/

Finally, note . . . Sunday, April 16, is [was] National Healthcare Decisions Day. Now is a great time to start conversations within our own families — to do advance care planning, regardless of age, before a health crisis. Additional resources are here:

The Conversation Project: theconversationproject.org/nhdd/

Five Wishes: www.fivewishes.org/nhdd/

Here’s to good conversations ahead….

Warmly,

Crystal

UPCOMING COURSES

People who take our courses say that their professional and personal lives improve. We offer a variety of themes designed to help you understand how conflict can be better managed in your personal life, workplace, and community. The cost for each course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. The course that is open for registration is Mediation Qualification for those with previous mediation experience who want more role play opportunities or who need to finish up instructional hours to be qualified in Massachusetts. Register here. Mediation Qualification begins on May 17th on Wednesdays 5:30–8 pm.

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.” ––One of our participants, after taking two courses

UPCOMING EVENTS

May 4th–6th––2023 International Peace Conference, The Birmingham Civil Rights Institute, and the Institute for Human Rights at the University of Alabama Birmingham
May 8th ––12:00–1:00pm, Power Imbalance: The Power of Position, The Center for Understanding Conflict
May 10th–13th ––25th Annual Dispute Resolution Spring Conference, ABA
May 11th––2:00pm, “Breaking Down Cultural Barriers in Community Mediation,” NAFCM
May 17th––5:30–8:00pm, MV Mediation: Mediation Qualification Training begins
May 17 12:30–2:00pm, “Bringing a Commitment to Social Justice to our Professional Work” with David Hoffman and Jim Grumbach
May 18th––1:00–2:00pm, Building Resilient Organizations: A Conversation with Visionary Leader Maurice Mitchell, Institute for Nonprofit Practice Leadership Learning Series
May 19––9–10:30am, Juris Mediation––“What’s the Big Idea?” series. Topic: Neutrality and Impartiality. Register here
May 23rd––Momentum May: National Gathering of Community Mediators, Sponsored by the National Association for Community Mediation (NAFCM)
September 20––12–1pm, “Addressing Bias and Stereotypes in Mediation,” led by Audrey Lee
October 25–27, 2023––Academy of Professional Family Mediators Conference! This year’s theme is “Mediating in an Increasingly Diverse World,” ands the conference will be offered 100% online.

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CORNER

In April, the Board of Directors was invited to join mediators, apprentices, and community members as MV Mediation staff reviewed an anonymized case list, highlighting various cases that illustrate the breadth of the reach of our services.

The Board is engaged in the process of succession planning, to bring in new leadership soon. During the April meeting the Board reviewed our progress with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion + Belonging and Justice. We have dedicated close to 25 hours during Board meetings as well as many more hours for individual members.

Our annual meeting is planned for 3:30–7 at Slough Farm on June 13th. It will be a hybrid meeting, and those attending will be provided a light supper. Members of our organization are welcome to attend. Please RSVP to let us know if you will attend in person.

Our fabulous 2022 Annual Report is out; you can access it here. Send an email if you would like us to send you a printed copy.

This month’s links for your reading and viewing pleasure:

Miscommunication: How it Happens and How to Avoid It
Improve your Communication Skills
Asking Open-Ended Questions
Mediation and Ageism
Siblings: Want to Stop Arguing about Elder Care?
Confronting the Stigma of Mental Illness in Mediation
Principles of Mediation: Voluntariness, Self-Determination, Confidentiality, and Neutrality

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

May 3 –– No Mediators’ Check-In
May 10 ––Mediation Tips: Informed consent throughout mediation
May 17 ––DEIJ+B: John Powell excerpts on the concept of Targeted Universalism
May 24 ––Meet our mediator: Ken Andrichik
May 31 ––Role play: Unanticipated questions
June and July Mediators check-ins will be devoted to bias awareness and handling bias in mediation.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

Why I Mediate

“One of the most powerful aspects of mediation to me is neutrality. As a neutral facilitator we help the parties make their own decisions and evaluate their own situations, steering clear of advising, judging, or directing . . . This approach allows for the parties in conflict to not only own their roles in the conflict but also in the solution. Which seems like a pretty big win in and of itself.”–– Deirdre, Mediator

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

Here are a few articles to expand your DEI knowledge:

Older American Awareness Month:

Understanding Issues Facing LGBTQ Older Adults
What Millennials Should Know about Ageism
How the Biggest Groups on Aging are Tackling DEI

Mental Health Awareness Week:

Neurodiversity in Dispute Resolution
Why Mental Health is a DEI Is sue
Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month: Lots of Resources Here
Cultural Diversity Day

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

Watch a video by Lauren Lynch, of the Martha’s Vineyard Agricultural Society, speaking about the impact MV Mediation has on the farming community.

MV Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aquacultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

FAMILY AND DIVORCE MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

[email protected] or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

[email protected] or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMP offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate, and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number.

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice.

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively to develop a new approach to conflict. It usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Make your appointment today!

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month we focus on stress awareness and its connection to unresolved conflicts. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE