Last photo of Baba, December 23rd, 1968

Meher Nazar Collection

Dear Meher Center Friends and Family,

The following address was given by Meher Baba’s poet, Francis Brabazon, during the Great Darshan program at Guruprasad, in Poona, India in 1969. 

“I am amazed and filled with joy to discover that the Beloved I have been serving for many years is truly a mighty Beloved.

“Of course, I have known all along that He was God. But there are so many Gods. There is the God which people see in a shape of illusion such as a sunset or a mountain view or a symphony or whose hand is seen in one’s not getting caught in a rainstorm or obtaining a good job: no doubt a very comfortable and profitable God to have—well worth a Christian candle or some Hindu incense—but not a God to whom one would offer one’s life. There is the God who rules the shining planes of consciousness: but sight of Him would blind one. And the God who is beyond the planes is unknowable except by His own Grace. And He is extremely careful to whom He gives that Grace.

“So when Beloved Baba used to tell us that He was God, I used to think, 'Yes, Baba you are God alright—the one God and all the Gods—but what good is that to me?' In fact I used to get so fed up with Him being God that I wished He wasn’t, or I wished He was a sort of Old-Testament God for whom I could slaughter some fat lambs or a spotless young bull in return for some added acreage. I got so tired of His being so much God that I wrote a song about it and sang it to Him. It goes something like, 'If only you were a bit less God, a bit more Man. I wouldn’t feel so much like someone upside down in a garbage can.'

“But Baba wasn’t going to become more Man just for my sake, so I had to settle for Him as the Divine Beloved—one whom I could serve sometimes, instead of thinking about myself all the time. After all, although He is God, and sometimes Man, being one’s own and the world’s Beloved is His main job. Others can become as much God or as much Man as He, but only Baba is more beloved than any other beloved, and infinitely worth serving.

“But now a great problem arises. How to serve the One who is All-beloved, for whatever one does with love is done by Him. And all that is done for the Beloved is done by the Beloved. And so one arrives at the painful conclusion that the Beloved alone exists—which means that oneself doesn’t. And that’s a terrible predicament to find oneself in—for one is still there!

“The only solution I found was to accept the position: 'You alone are and I am not, but we are both here.' And having arrived at this acceptance Baba now taught me a poetical form capable of expressing all the shades of the impossible relationships of lover and Beloved. Such a form has not existed in English up until now, because the lover- Beloved dilemma was not part of the British-American consciousness. And of course, beloved Baba being the author of this new form was (or seemed to be) delighted with my exercises in it.

“And here is a delicious piece of humour in connection with this. There was a period when Baba had me read a new poem to Him three times every morning. Do you know why three times? Baba was memorizing them. Why memorizing them? So that He could quote them next time He comes back in 700 years! That is really God-Man humour isn’t it? Then there were His extraordinary orders or commissions. His last was for thirty ghazals—ghazal is the name of the new poetical form He taught me. It happened this way. One morning after the usual morning business was finished; Baba said He wanted me to write thirty ghazals. Could I do that? I replied promptly and brightly, 'No Baba.' This reply seemed to rather astonish Him. He turned to the other mandali and said, 'Well, what do you think of that? I ask this fellow to write thirty ghazals and he says, ‘No, Baba’.' Then Baba turned questioningly back to me. I said, or rather groaned, 'I don’t know whether I can write one ghazal—and you ask for thirty. I don’t think there are any more in my head.' Then He says sympathetically and persuasively, 'Try and I will help you.' So it was back to the stone-quarry again to cut and build thirty more little poem-houses, each one a bit different; for the Beloved likes variety.

“But still I did not know what a mighty Beloved our Beloved is. This knowledge has come to me only recently—since Baba laid aside His body.

“Now, the Beloved would not be the Beloved if He didn’t have a 1000 whims and moods, if He didn’t play His eternal game of divine pretence; if He was not all ears to the lover’s praise and stone-deaf to his complaints; if He was not All-knowledge and All-ignorance at the same time. He would not be the Beloved if He did not decorate the walls of His wine shop with pretty pictures such as 'All the religions being drawn together as beads on one string' and 'seven hundred years of peace;' and then invite the lover to cross deserts of heart-dryness and oceans of tears to receive the wine of His kiss; but when the lover at last staggers in at the door, the Beloved spends the whole time showing him the pictures and expecting his interest and admiration.

“What a Beloved our Beloved is! What a Beloved we have chosen to serve! What is it to the thirst-crazed lover if a lot of glass beads are strung on one string? Will it make them turn into diamonds? What if there is 700 years of peace? Will not war again follow?

“He would not be the Beloved if He did not tell the lover to stand up and sit down at the same moment; to become footless, and walk; to become headless, and think; to exert himself to the utmost, and leave everything to Him.

“Though it is not the time yet to know the wine of His kiss on our lips, we have received the kiss of His Word in our hearts. If it were not so, how could all you dear ones who have never seen His Man-form be here now?

“Why has beloved Baba given you people this extraordinary privilege? Because He required a few to do what the many, what everyone, must eventually do; journey across the world of illusion to take darshan of Him in their hearts. What a Beloved is our Beloved; what a mighty Beloved. This word that He has spoken in your hearts, which will be spoken in every heart in the world, will lead you by the hand, and drive you with whips to the door of your Beloved, to the wineshop of your master—where it will become your own pure song of praise and will cause the Beloved wine master to open the door and bring you in and pour for you a glass of wine of self-forgetfulness and Beloved-alone-remembrance. The very word with which He knocked on the doors of your hearts and aroused you to set your feet on the path to Him, the same Word will knock on His door and make Him open it to you—Himself. I bow down to this mighty one in each of you.

“But you also have your parts to play on this grand journey you have begun—you must not leave it all to your Beloved. For every step the lover takes to the Beloved, the Beloved takes 10 steps to the lover. But the lover must continually take that one step. We must practice taking Beloved Baba’s darshan, bowing down to Him in our hearts, every day, then every moment until we have continuous sight of Him.

“Happenings will happen—even Grand Happenings. But they will not be that Happening which has to happen in our hearts. So do not look to these other happenings to nourish your faith; depend only upon His word and its song in your hearts.

“Be prepared for a long, long journey to have the Beloved’s real darshan. But it may only take a mere 700 years to reach His door and bow down to Him for the last time and merge in Him forever.” *

In Meher Baba’s love and service,

Buz Connor

For Meher Center board and staff

*Three Talks, by Francis Brabazon, pp.3-6

In this recording, Robert Dreyfuss and Irwin Luck share their stories and memories from 1969, when Meher Baba dropped His physical form. Irwin describes what it was like to be in Meherabad as the Avatar's body lay exposed in the crypt that Baba Himself had designed. Robert tells about the serendipitous circumstances which aligned in order for him to attend the Last Darshan in Pune in 1969.

Video, 35:59

Date and Location Unknown

Courtesy of The AMBCSC Archives

As many of you may have heard, as of the end of last year, the remarkable Barbara Plews has retired from her position as Retreat Manager of Meher Center, a position she has held since 1994. Her time at the Center reminds us of something Mani (Baba’s sister) once said: “The mandali are not indispensable but they are irreplaceable.” Barbara is so unique and so much a part of the Center’s everyday life, that she is just irreplaceable. Her loving dedication to His home is a decades' long legacy of selflessness, kindness, and attention to the mountain of details involved in running this sacred place, day by day. She cannot be thanked enough. We miss you and love you, Barbara!

On December 30th, 1969, Meher Baba remarked, “This is my crucifixion! Christ was crucified once, but I am being crucified every moment.”[1]

Meher Baba had hinted at His impending dropping of the body in many ways. In August 1968, Baba had remarked, “’Coming, coming, came. I am tired of this illusion game!’ And during these final months, Mehera noticed a change in Baba: “He seemed distant and remote, as if his ‘mind’ were somewhere else.”[2] Not very long after, when one day Baba came to the verandah from the hall, He sat for some time and said that He was very tired. “I’m thinking of resting for 700 years,” He said[3]. Mehera thought that Baba used the 700 years as a hyperbole to stress His level of exhaustion. It did not occur to her that He was getting ready to go. That same year, He had reminded Mehera that they (Baba and Mehera) will always be together. “When I come again, I will bring you with me,” He said to Mehera.[4]

In October 1968, Baba announced a darshan at Guruprasad, Poona in April 1969. He said, “I have been saying: The time is near, it is fast approaching, it is close at hand. Today, I say: The time has come. Remember this!”[5] As time went by, the concern grew over how Baba would give this darshan due to such bad health. He continued to give hints, saying that it would be easy, it would be the last darshan in silence and that He would give this darshan reclining. As usual, the mandali were so busy attending to his immediate needs that they did not read much into the clues. Baba gave His last physical darshan at the wedding function of His nephew Dara Irani’s marriage with Amrit Irani at Meherazad. 

Starting from January 12th, 1969, Baba did not leave His bedroom. From that day on His health progressively got worse. His universal work was weighing on Him immensely, and the mandali’s greatest challenge was a feeling of helplessness in alleviating this burden.“As a medical person, I used to feel so disgusted with medicine, as nothing really helped Baba to relieve Him of His pain,” said Goher.[6] Baba asked the men to observe silence for three days. The men hoped that this was a way to participate in His work and perhaps lighten some of His burden. Although Baba had mentioned that His universal work was complete, until January 30th, He continued to beat His thighs and later His chest to maintain a link to the gross world. 

From January 21st, Baba began having accelerated spasms which Goher suspected were caused by uric poisoning from possible kidney damage. Goher and Eruch kept track of Baba’s intake and outflow of urine. Blood and urine samples were sent to Poona. The mandali begged Baba to go to Poona for a diagnosis, but He refused.

On January 29th, Baba gave Bhau a line which was to be the theme of a ghazal: “What will we do, living, when you have gone away?” At 9 p.m. that night, sharp violent jolts took over Baba’s body. He gestured, “Every jolt feels like an electric shock!”[7] 

On January 30th when Dr. Grant came to visit Baba, He communicated with him quite well and looked a bit better. Dr. Grant pleaded with Baba to come to Poona for further tests and a definite diagnosis, but Baba cryptically replied that His time had come. That night, Baba’s shocks were so violent that the mandali had to hold His limbs down. Baba said, “This crucifixion will last seven days more and then I will take a turn for the better. I will be one hundred percent free from my suffering after seven days.” He motioned to Eruch, “But I will return…I shall return.” 

Baba was referring to a story that Eruch had read to Him from the Gujarati newspaper, Kaiser-e-Hind. It was an ancient tale about a Tibetan lama who left his abode and told his disciples he would return. His followers waited for generations but he did not return. Baba then said, “…the lama did not return, but I shall return.” [8]

The next day, a terrible spasm shook Baba’s body at 12:15 p.m. Baba flexed his arms and closed His mouth tightly. His respiration stopped. The body of the Avatar of the age was motionless. Baba’s tongue had fallen back, Eruch immediately started mouth to mouth resuscitation but to no avail. Dr. Brieseman gave a cardiac massage. Dr. Donkin and Dr. Ginde examined Baba but there was nothing they could do. The time had come. 

What we think of as the “Eternal Date” came to be glorious through immense suffering that Baba went through. He always masked His physical pain for the sake of His lovers. “He bore His ill health so quietly… only Baba could do that. An ordinary man would have moaned and groaned and complained about His health,” said Mehera. [9] The mandali collectively bore the yoke of having to witness their Beloved’s suffering, throughout His life and at the end, with their hands tied in acceptance of His divine will. Baba said, “The pressure of my universal burden reflects upon my physical body. And as the strain of my work in seclusion is severe, the effect on my body is consequently severe. But though the effects are human, the cause is divine, and it is therefore in my hands. I have taken on the form of man to take on the suffering of man.”[10]

[1] Lord Meher, By Bhau Kalchuri, p.6708

[2] Mehera Meher, by David Fenster, p.454

[3] Ibid

[4] Ibid, p.453.

[5] Ibid, p.455

[6] Ibid, p.474

[7] Lord Meher, by Bhau Kalchuri, p. 6707

[8] Ibid pp.6711-6712

[9] Mehera Meher, by David Fenster, p. 461

[10] Lord Meher, by Bhau Kalchuri, p.6693

Meher Center hosted a Children's program at the Library over the holidays. The event brought in many of Baba's youngest lovers who lightened and brightened the atmosphere. Cathy Riley played kids' favorite Baba songs and Susan MacDonald read Baba stories. The kids had many arts and crafts activities to do including coloring, collages and making Baba necklaces.

When Daniel Montague first saw the gondola at the Center in 1974, it was rotting, peeling paint and leaky, a victim of South Carolina’s humidity, heat and rainy weather.[1]

“I thought it was a goner,” he said, in a recent interview.

It was Daniel’s first visit to the Center, and at that time he’d also heard that Elizabeth Patterson had been one of the first women to venture by sea to the South Pole. Daniel was in the Coast Guard, a longtime sailor and professional boat builder and so he was intrigued but also was not one for rumors. So he asked to speak with Elizabeth directly. 

Elizabeth was usually so busy, she rarely met with people individually after they first arrived, leaving that task to Kitty Davy. But for some reason, she invited Daniel to Dilruba’s back porch for a CocaCola.

“I just started by saying that I heard you were the first woman to go to the South Pole,” says Daniel. “And she said, ‘Oh no, no, dear. It was the North Pole.’” [2]

Thus began a special relationship that flourished and culminated four years later when, at Elizabeth’s urging, Daniel undertook the monumental task of restoring the Center’s gondola. Elizabeth had bought it back in 1949 to remind Baba of their glorious times in Venice, Italy. By 1978, when Daniel began the restoration, at least 80 percent of the wooden vessel needed to be replaced. [3]

Daniel was an experienced shipwright. In 1976, when he first moved to Myrtle Beach he had even built a Herreshoff-designed dinghy for the Center with Elizabeth’s support. It was while discussing that project, that Elizabeth told Daniel her real motive. 

“Oh, this is well and good. I'm very happy. I want you to do this,” Elizabeth said, according to Daniel.“But what I really want to know is, do you think you can restore the gondola?”

Knowing absolutely nothing about the unusual Italian boats, Daniel said, “yes.” 

Over the next year, he finished building the Herreshoff dinghy and then moved back north; he also began a steep learning curve. This was before the internet and there were no “how-to” books on building gondolas or their unique construction. With a flat bottom for stability and an asymmetrical hull, they were designed to make it easier for a single oarsman to navigate Venice’s narrow canals. [4] Only a few specialized boat yards in Venice, Italy built them and their secrets are handed down generation to generation. Gondolas are considered by many to be “works of art as well as masters of nautical engineering.”[5]

Daniel eventually found a line drawing of the basic structure of the gondola and then he hit gold. Martha Baum, a friend he’d enlisted to help him with research, discovered an authentic Venetian gondola at the Mariner’s Museum in Newport News, Virginia. It was one that may have been owned by the poet Robert Browning and later brought to the United States by the painter Thomas Moran. [6] Daniel contacted the museum and was given permission to come study the boat’s structure. He was able to take dozens of photos of the exterior and interior as he studied the gondola’s unique asymmetrical design.

“This was vital for understanding the construction and applying that to Baba's gondola restoration,” according to Daniel.

When he returned to the Center in 1978 to begin the work, Daniel was again shocked by the boat’s poor condition. It was worse than he’d remembered, the boat’s hull had been tarred, pitched and nailed over with sheet metal to try to prevent further leaks. Unfortunately, that just caused the wood to rot even faster. [7] He spent the first 25 hours just trying to undo all of the well-intentioned repair work. 

Over the next year, with a break during the winter, Daniel spent more than 400 hours meticulously replacing plank by plank and rib by rib. Volunteers put in another 40 hours. Gondolas are made of eight different types of wood. Some had to be shipped down from New England, others had to be substituted. Certain rotting parts were carefully removed and replicas made. He also added two sets of oar locks so the boat could be rowed sitting down, instead of sculled along the water with a single oar. And, hoping the elderly Elizabeth would be the inaugural passenger, Daniel also built a special step to make it easier for her to get into the boat. Overall, it was the most “interesting and complicated” project he’d ever worked on.  

Throughout, Elizabeth also kept close watch on it. When there were cost overruns and Kitty, the Center’s treasurer at the time, complained to Daniel, Elizabeth told him not to worry. “Don’t you mind about that, I’ll take care of the whole cost,” she told him. And Elizabeth was also very proud, according to John Haynes. One cold winter morning, when the boat was under wraps, she told him she had something for him to see. 

“And she took me down to the boathouse, and she lifted the plastic,” says John. “[Daniel] was about half done, and you could see the skeleton of the boat. She smiled, you know, she gave me that big smile. She was very proud of this whole process.”

In June of 1979, the restoration was finally complete. And on the 24th, after Baba’s House, a large crowd gathered down by the boathouse for the launch. Daniel believes there hadn’t been so many people there since Baba’s last trip in 1958. After he and several others lifted the gondola and put it in the water, he jumped in, circled and brought it up to the dock. Someone in the crowd started singing “Santa Lucia” and others joined.

Elizabeth was helped in, along with Jane and Charles Haynes, and Daniel’s wife Carol. As Daniel began rowing, Elizabeth said, “See how she glides!” She appeared to be in a “whole different space, the memories just must have been flooding through her,” said Daniel. After some time, he rowed the gondola over toward the bridge where Baba used to stand and wave when people were out on the lake. 

“And Elizabeth said, ‘Oh my, look, there He is waving to us now,’” Daniel recalls. “Baba had taken the form for her. None of us saw it. It was only Elizabeth. So that moment was so heart-full and fulfilling, and Baba’s grace, His blessing on His Dilruba.”

After a few moments of quiet, Daniel leaned over to Charles and said very quietly, “Now I know why I rebuilt the gondola.” [8]

Over the next thirty plus years, the gondola plied the waters of Long Lake, charming many of Baba’s close ones who came to visit, from Bhau Kalchuri to Katie Irani to the twins, Rustom and Sohrab Irani. It also gave great pleasure to hundreds of new Baba lovers and their children and grandchildren as well as the children of Happy Club. In Part Three, the Gondola’s Second New Life. 

[1]  “Meher Baba’s Boat” an album compiled by Daniel Montague, copy in Saroja Library

[2] In July of 1931, Elizabeth was “one of five foreigners taken on a scientific artic expedition on the Soviet ice breaker Malygin, going within 400 mile of the North Pole.” Meher Baba Travels (https://www.meherbabatravels.com/his-close-ones/women/elizabeth-patterson-1/)

[3] Montague, Daniel, “Meher Baba’s Boat: Its History and Restoration, Glow International, August 1987, p. 21-23.

[4] Erla Zwingle,  National Geographic Traveler: Venice, (The National Geographic Society, 2001) p. 62.

[5] ibid

[6]  Kelly Russo, June Artifact of the Month – Gondola Mania! (The Mariner’s Museum, https://www.marinersmuseum.org/2013/06/june-artifact-of-the-month-gondola-mania/, 2013)

[7] “Meher Baba’s Boat” an album compiled by Daniel Montague, copy in Saroja Library

[8]  Interview with John Haynes

Reminder: Meher Center continues to host virtual programs. To check the program schedule and discourse selection, please visit our Virtual Programs Page.

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