I went to college and seminary in Kansas. One thing I loved about living in Kansas was the hospitality I experienced there. As a college student in a small town, people in my church and the community would invite me into their homes. I had a family that hosted me through a hospitality program initiated by the football team I played on. I was a part of a church that invited me to sit with them for dinner on Sunday, and a group of about 7 of us went out for supper on Tuesday nights. Seminary hospitality wasn’t quite as structured, but it was also present—invitations to Thanksgiving dinners when I was away from family. People offered to let me house sit while they were gone for a week. All this was not unusual because I spent my high school years in Alaska, where everyone has a hospitality story of moving north, living with a friend (sometimes someone they just met or hardly knew), and then settling in their new home. 

After I left school, I moved to Montana. I loved Montana and have missed it terribly since I left it. However, after living in the Last Frontier and the rural plains, I began to experience hospitality withdrawal. I sat down with the denominational leader who helped place me in the church. I shared with her that I was concerned I wasn’t being welcomed. My senior pastor was hospitable, but they did not seem very welcoming outside of visits where I invited myself into people’s homes. I thought it was maybe something I was doing. I received a little advice and some encouragement from my friend and mentor. She told me that folks in the Rockies were not generally as hospitable as folks in the Plains and that I should take my time. She encouraged me that things might change. They did. I found myself around folks at the right time, and I became more welcome in people’s homes without feeling like I was pushing my way through the door for a visit. 

I was a single guy in my twenties then. I am a married father of two middle school girls in my fifties. Regarding hospitality, I have grown to learn two things. First, our culture mitigates increasingly against welcoming our neighbors and friends into our lives through acts of hospitality. I believe this lack of hospitality with one another and strangers harms our churches and our society as a whole. 

Secondly, I have grown to understand that offering welcome and hospitality is central to discipleship in Christian lives, individually and in the community. The Bible teaches us not to “neglect showing hospitality to strangers” (Hebrews 13:2) and to “show hospitality to each other without grumbling” (I Peter 4:9). The Bible teaches that when we show hospitality to others, we show hospitality to Christ (Matthew 25: 34-46), and lists hospitality as an essential character quality for church leaders (Titus 1:8, I Timothy 3:2). 

Learning to practice hospitality for our family was awkward at first but fun. We are not as tidy as we would like to be and busier than most, but we make room in our hearts and homes to welcome folks in. It has been a great opportunity for us. Missionaries needed a place to stay between stops on furlough and crashed at our place for a while. One time, a friend and colleague was on their honeymoon and coming through town, and we were able to throw some burgers on the grill and share some time before they continued their journey to the mountains. It is fun having people over at Super Bowl parties, and it is rewarding that people have felt comfortable knocking on our door and walking in while dealing with a crisis. 

We are growing in this area, especially having moved to a new place. Here are some tips for growing in hospitality as we have sputtered through our journey as a family. 

1.      If you wait until you have things together to be welcoming, you won’t do it. So, become comfortable with people seeing the messy parts of your life as well as the tidy parts. 

Come visit us, especially if you do so more spontaneously; you may find dishes in the sink and dolls on the floor in the living room. Dogs may be overly enthusiastic in their greeting; if everything looks picked up, it may be because we have thrown our mess in bedrooms and closets. If we wait until everything is perfect before we let people in the door, they will never come in. We have learned that if we are going to be hospitable, we have to be vulnerable enough to let you see that we don’t always have stuff together. 

2.      Because hospitality is countercultural, don’t expect your welcome always to be reciprocated.

When I was younger, I received hospitality, but I could not reciprocate as easily. I was a single guy in a small apartment where I slept and watched late-night television. Other folks have home maintenance issues or don’t have the means to welcome you into their homes. They can find other ways to be welcoming, but it will take time. 

3.      Step beyond your comfort zone in welcoming people into your homes, lives, and churches. 

It is often easy to welcome folks just like us, but it is harder to welcome folks who live a different lifestyle than you do. I still remember the moment when we hosted a small group in our home, and the wives/girlfriends had run upstairs, and the men were downstairs. As we kept visiting, I realized I was the only guy in the room without a criminal record and had not spent time in jail. I felt honored that each family felt comfortable enough to be at our place, eating our food and seeking to learn about walking with Jesus. 

4.      Being hospitable doesn’t mean not having boundaries. 

We got to know a family in one of our previous churches and became friendly with them. We talked with the parent about their kid coming over for about an hour after worship. When the parent wouldn’t answer phone calls and showed up three hours later, we began to rethink how we shared hospitality with that family. 

5.      We can better deal with hostility and conflict When we offer hospitality, especially in our homes. 

I had a friend who hosted leadership meetings around his kitchen table. It was amazing how folks had better manners and were more willing to listen to each other, even in vigorous debate, when they sat around a table instead of in a boardroom. One time, we experienced a difficult conflict with a family in our congregation. They invited us over for dinner and shared their concerns. Reconciliation was much easier in that context. 

Prayer

God, you command us to be hospitable. You give us the example of hospitality throughout Scripture, and when you speak of eternal life you speak of preparing a place for us where you are (John 14). We are blessed when we receive hospitality, and when we offer it. Help us to be aware of opportunities to offer welcome to friends and strangers, and to demonstrate our love in doing so.

 Amen.