1. If you wait until you have things together to be welcoming, you won’t do it. So, become comfortable with people seeing the messy parts of your life as well as the tidy parts.
Come visit us, especially if you do so more spontaneously; you may find dishes in the sink and dolls on the floor in the living room. Dogs may be overly enthusiastic in their greeting; if everything looks picked up, it may be because we have thrown our mess in bedrooms and closets. If we wait until everything is perfect before we let people in the door, they will never come in. We have learned that if we are going to be hospitable, we have to be vulnerable enough to let you see that we don’t always have stuff together.
2. Because hospitality is countercultural, don’t expect your welcome always to be reciprocated.
When I was younger, I received hospitality, but I could not reciprocate as easily. I was a single guy in a small apartment where I slept and watched late-night television. Other folks have home maintenance issues or don’t have the means to welcome you into their homes. They can find other ways to be welcoming, but it will take time.
3. Step beyond your comfort zone in welcoming people into your homes, lives, and churches.
It is often easy to welcome folks just like us, but it is harder to welcome folks who live a different lifestyle than you do. I still remember the moment when we hosted a small group in our home, and the wives/girlfriends had run upstairs, and the men were downstairs. As we kept visiting, I realized I was the only guy in the room without a criminal record and had not spent time in jail. I felt honored that each family felt comfortable enough to be at our place, eating our food and seeking to learn about walking with Jesus.
4. Being hospitable doesn’t mean not having boundaries.
We got to know a family in one of our previous churches and became friendly with them. We talked with the parent about their kid coming over for about an hour after worship. When the parent wouldn’t answer phone calls and showed up three hours later, we began to rethink how we shared hospitality with that family.
5. We can better deal with hostility and conflict When we offer hospitality, especially in our homes.
I had a friend who hosted leadership meetings around his kitchen table. It was amazing how folks had better manners and were more willing to listen to each other, even in vigorous debate, when they sat around a table instead of in a boardroom. One time, we experienced a difficult conflict with a family in our congregation. They invited us over for dinner and shared their concerns. Reconciliation was much easier in that context.
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