Some of us have big buts (the one “t” variety, not the other kind). By that, I mean we live in constant emotional and relational tension because we live in the land of but.

• I know my BFF didn’t mean to be a jerk, but …

• I know my spouse isn’t perfect, but …

• I know my son is trying to change, but …

• I know my boss didn’t mean to wound me, but …

Sadly, we’ve created a “yeah, but” world that is killing us. It’s robbing us of joy and creating unnecessary tension in our relationships. Worst of all, it’s setting us up to love conditionally.

The second we add a “but,” we add a condition or an excuse. We are saying to others, “I know the right thing to do, but my choice to do the right thing is subject to your choice to do the right thing.” We rationalize our half-hearted love and acceptance of others based on their actions.

Did you know that Jesus expects (demands, actually) that we love others as he loves us (John 15:12)? And His love for us is unconditional and never based on our performance.

Guess what? That means if we love like Jesus loves then our love for others is not dependent on the circumstances, their competence or worthiness, or our emotions. There’s no, “I love you, but …”

Why does this matter so much? Because God knows that radical and unconditional love changes people. When a person knows, deeply knows, they are valued for who they are no matter what they do, they are inspired to respond to that love in kind. Love without strings attached motivates them to want to honor that selfless love. But to be clear, even if our love doesn’t change them, we love. Period. End of story.

So, drop the but and love others as the Father loves us. Let’s flip this around. Sometimes we say, “Yeah, but …” to God.

• I know I’m forgiven, but . . .

• I know You have a plan for my life, but . . .

• I know You love me, but . . .

Essentially, we say to God, “I believe in you, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to make it to heaven, but I’m not sure how you truly feel about me right now.” And this tension in our soul grows with every failure. “I know I’m loved, but …”

Maybe it’s time to drop the but with God too. To live in the joy of His grace and the freedom of His love means we accept and revel in His unstoppable, unconditional, and unrelenting affection for us. There is nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less than He already does. Absolutely nothing.

The only time it’s acceptable to use but is when that word is followed by the word, God.

• I know I’m not perfect yet, but God . . .

• I know my past is littered with failure, but God . . .

• I know I’m prone to wander, but God . . .

• I know I don’t deserve the blessings of Jesus in my life, but God …

When we remove the big buts from our relationship with God and our relationships with others, everything changes because we change.