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I’ll point out the major themes of chapter, and attempt to tie them together below:
- Stipulations can be made in the act of betrothal. For instance, the husband can say: You are married to me on the condition that I am rich, that I perform a certain favor for you (like speak favorably to the government), or that someone else (say, a parent) approves. Assuming the condition is made in the proper formula, the condition becomes part of the betrothal – and if the condition is fulfilled (say, if Dad approves), the two are betrothed; if not, not.
- The mishnayot also deal with cases when, surprisingly, it’s not clear who’s married whom – for instance, when a father betroths one of his daughters to someone, but can’t remember which daughter. Similarly, they deal with cases where the man and woman disagree as to whether they were betrothed to each other at all – and the repercussions to each of being prohibited to marry relatives they may or may not have married into.
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Mishnah 3:12 — the final mishnah in the chapter — outlines how we define a person’s yichus, their familial status, whether that’s inheriting the father’s status (the default – for instance, you’re a Kohen if your father is), the mother’s (for instance, if the mother isn’t Jewish), or as a child of a forbidden union (the mamzer, loosely translated as bastard child; or a chalal, the child of a union forbidden to a Kohen).
- A Mamzer is severely, tragically restricted in his marriage options. Mishnah 3:13 explores Rabbbi Tarfon’s legal arrangement to allow a mamzer and his children to re-join into the community: he marries a maidservant, and the children are slaves, whom the mamzer frees – allowing these children to enter the community with a clean slate.
Perhaps the commonality here is that, though we tend to view marriage as a total merging of two people, it’s not that simple. Marriage exists within the realm of the very different views, needs, and understandings of the individual spouses and the wider community. There are conflicting needs and counter-responsibilities of each side. There's the memories of people surrounding the marriage. There's the wider family.
All this might be why Rabbi Tarfon’s leniency gets the last word (or nearly last: Rabbi Akiva disagrees; although the Halacha is in accordance with Rabbi Tarfon). Even a mamzer, who is conceived and lives totally outside the community of marriage, gets called back in via this elaborate path through the community’s many layers.
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