Since Mitzvah Season is in full swing, Mitzvah List is sending its readers information on one of our most requested topics, Mitzvah Gifts! This week's article answers our top question, that we get again and again ... What is an appropriate gift? If you don't give a monetary gift, what gifts do kids love? To answer this question, we took a survey from parents around the country. Please note this is only a guide. Every family is different and should give what is appropriate or comfortable for their family situation. Feel free to adjust this list or go in on a group gift. Remember, this is only a guide:
Favorite Gifts:
- Gift Cards - Amazon, iTunes, Apple and your local mall
- Headphones by Beats or Bose
- Watches
- Any Apple product especially a MacBook or iPad
- Jewelry
- High End Sneakers - Check out Nojo Kicks for the best sneaker selection around.
- Luggage
- Personalized gifts depending on a child's hobbies and interests. For example: If the child is a coin collector, a collectable coin; loves to cook, a kitchen appliance; a sports fan, sports memorabilia.
What Not to Give:
We received more responses of what not to give, than what to give. An overwhelming number of parents stated that although the thought is nice, kids do not like to receive Judaica. Most kids receive a Kiddush cup, candle sticks, a mezuzah and/or a menorah from their family during their Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Since there is no reason to receive more than one of any of these gifts, save these gifts for the immediate family.
Monetary Gifts:
Most Bar and Bat Mitzvah guests give a monetary gift. Traditionally the amount is a multiple of 18. The reason for this is because the number 18 signifies the word "Chai," the 10th and 8th letters of the Hebrew alphabet. "Chai" is considered lucky and means life. Guests wish the Bar or Bat Mitzvah luck and a long life by giving a derivative of Chai.
Below are the result from our survey. Remember, don't shoot the messenger ...
- Detroit: Most kids give their friends $36. If it's a close friend, $50. If a couple is invited without kids, $118. If an entire family is invited $180-$250.
- South Florida: Kids typically give their friends between $36 and $72. If a couple is invited without kids between $150 and $200. If an entire family is invited, the average gift is between $250 and $300.
- Chicago: Friends give between $36 and $72. A couple without kids gives $180. If the entire family is invited, $250 and up.
- Cleveland/Columbus: Friends give between $36 and $50. Close friends usually give a gift, but sometimes give $75. A couple without kids gives $150. If an entire family is invited $150 to $200, depending on the relationship.
- Philadelphia: Friends give between $36 and $50. Close friends give between $50 and $72. If a couple or family is invited and they are good friends, $250. If a family is invited and they are very close friends, $300 to $336.
- Long Island and Manhattan: Kids typically give $50-$54. Single adults $150. A couple without kids $300. A family of 4, $500.
- Baltimore/D.C.: Friends $20-$36. Close friends $54-$108. Couples give between $118 and $180. Families start at $180 and go up.
Other Gift Questions:
- Twins, Siblings or Shared Mitzvahs: If you are invited to a B'nai Mitzvah of twins, siblings, cousins or friends, you should give both children the same gift as if you attended a separate party for each child. If you would not have been invited to one of the mitzvahs, you are not required to give a gift, but may give something small.
- Do you give a gift if your child doesn't attend a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? If your child does not attend a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, giving a gift is optional. If it's a good friend, most people said that they give a gift. If it's an acquaintance, it is up to you.
- Are you supposed to reciprocate gifts by giving the same amount? If your child has their Bar or Bat Mitzvah early in the season, you will have a list of the gifts your child received. Typically, most people give the same amount given back to the gift giver. There are circumstances where something changes or you are in a different financial situation than the gift giver and giving the same amount is not necessary or appropriate.
- If a family was invited to your child's Mitzvah, but only your child is invited to the friend's Mitzvah, without parents, do you reciprocate the gift? Again, this is a matter of personal preference. Most people that responded said that you do not need to give a reciprocal gift if only a child attends a friend's Mitzvah. Instead of giving the standard friend gift, you could consider giving a little more.
Monetary Ideas:
If you are a person that likes to give a gift, but thinks it is appropriate to give money, here are some ideas from Pinterest on how you can give cash in a clever way. Our Mitzvah List Pinterest boards will be up soon, so check them out soon for lots of ideas! There are tons of other ideas out there. As you know, presentation is everything:
Remember, the amounts and gifts above are based upon the responses that we received. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is not about the gifts, so feel free to make modifications.
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