To be serious (really), I was hesitant at first to craft a coronavirus article about myself. Wouldn’t that be rather self-centered? Perhaps my reluctance was a lingering symptom of having been infected with a particularly pernicious thought-virus during a childhood filled with too much pain, neglect and disappointment. Eventually, this manifested as a deep-seated belief that I was not worthy of affection or respect. No way I would have considered myself to have a Buddha nature. Regardless, I have chanted nam myoho renge kyo too long, done too much work and come too far to succumb to these self-defeating messages. So, here we go …
Those of you who have read my previous article “Most Beautiful One (MBO) and the Coronavirus” will recognize why I refer to myself as Most Lucky One. I won’t belabor that here except to say that I would not be alive or at peace with my past if wasn’t for my wife, MBO. But, that’s only part of the story.
About one year after MBO was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, our wonderful therapist, JB (not Jeanne’s real name), suggested I stay alone at Virginia beach (pictured above) for three days to deal with some deep sadness. This sounded like a cool idea until JB instructed me not to read, watch tv, listen to music or talk to anyone — just to be with myself while listening to the waves. I was, of course, still able to chant.
Keeping in mind that my daughters referred to me at the time as Elevator Man because I greeted everyone around me on an elevator and somehow learned their entire life stories before the ride was over, you can imagine that being silent was beyond difficult for me. This turned out to be an invitation to let my fundamental darkness -- a seemingly bottomless pit of hurt and sadness -- rise to the surface so I would be able to experience these feelings without the usual panic I spent much of my life’s energy struggling to suppress. Little did I know that this would also prepare me to deal with a viral pandemic 25 years later.
I barely survived the experiment (I came home after two days), and I have to admit that I never put myself through it again! However, learning how to be with my feelings became a lifetime practice from then on. I have chanted many hours about it. Written about it. Received guidance about it. Studied it. Gotten tons of therapy about it. Taken medicine to help with it. And, eventually, I came to love that sad, younger me until I became this much happier, older fellow, even in the midst of today’s awful virus. Now I can now sit quietly by myself anytime I want with the confidence that I truly am a Buddha. This is one of the reasons I consider myself Most Lucky One.
Of course, being human, I sometimes worry about the negative effects of the blatant narcissistic behavior of our political leaders and the ignorance of too many of my fellow citizens about the coronavirus. But, I no longer emotionally spiral downward which is, of course, most lucky indeed!
Speaking about worrying, as is my habit when writing these articles, I search for quotes online that fit the week’s theme. This time I Googled “Michael Lisagor Quotes” and the following appeared on greatsayings.net: “I decided to stop worrying about what might happen, and concentrate on what was happening. What a magical moment of Buddhist insight!” (from the book “Romancing the Buddha” by me).
An integral part of my Buddhist practice is centered on returning to this live in the present mindset time and again. My mentor, Daisaku Ikeda, said, “Death inevitably comes to each of us. Whether it is a time of inner dignity and honor or a pitiful demise is completely reliant on how we live our lives right now, today. In that sense, the “moment of death” truly exists in the present.”
The natural response to the COVID-19 virus seems to be rather polarized. People are either excessively concerned about getting ill and possibly dying, or they go into denial, as if they can somehow get away with experiencing birth, old age and sickness, but not death. A healthier reaction is to accept the impermanence and fragility of life and take reasonable precautions for oneself and others, then live each day with as much kindness and creativity as possible – keeping in mind that the actions we take to help others benefit ourselves as well.
Now that’s a thought-virus worth getting!
Thanks for reading and be safe out there.
Next week: Julie Andrews & the Coronavirus
