THINGS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT GETTING OLD
I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I have finally lost the 10 pounds that I've been trying to lose for the past 20 years. The bad news is that my skin doesn't fit me anymore. It's like I put on a coat that is two sizes too big and it hangs on me. Everything is sagging. Unfortunately, I can't take my skin off like I would a coat and exchange it for a smaller size. And more bad news...I've swapped the pounds for winkles. My former face had chubby little cheeks with just a few wrinkles. Now they sag too. Even my neck looks worse. I think 5 of those 10 pounds were lost in my face and neck. In other words when you get old, you will have to decide whether you want to be chubby or wrinkled. Not a happy choice!
Another thing about getting old that no one told me about is that little by little, your lips disappear. I don't know why, but the pinkish color begins to fade and after a while, you are soon left with what a friend of mine calls 'lizard lips.' If you have ever looked at a lizard, you would know they have a mouth, but don't appear to have any lips at all. Now there is a cosmetic procedure you can get to enlarge your lips. Several celebrities have had this done, but it's not a pretty picture. Goldie Hahn is one. She used to be so cute and now her lips look like they should be on a goldfish.
The next warning on my list is feet. They just don't work as well as they used to work. I remember I used to be able to go to a cocktail party in 3 inch heels and walk my way around a room visiting with friends. I could stand forever. Now the bottoms of my feet hurt even in the flat shoes I wear. When I enter a room I immediately start looking for the nearest chair and hope a friend or two will come and find me.
And I should mention that the chair needs to have arms and be fairly high or I will have trouble getting up again. I not only have implants in two hips that were broken in falls, but arthritis has settled in each of them, as well as in my feet (see above), my knees, arms and shoulders, and even my hands. Child-Proof caps on pill bottles should also be labeled Child & Elderly-Proof. I even have trouble in opening regular jars and bottles. I have a 'church key' (Do they still call beer can openers that?) to pry the jar lids to let a little air in so it will open easily, and I keep pliers in the kitchen to open small neck bottles. Arthritis should definitely be on my warning list. I don't think I know anyone over 70 who doesn't have arthritis somewhere in their body.
I mentioned falls above, and that's a major problem. I have broken both hips, a foot and an ankle in previous falls, but I don't always break something. Sometimes I just fall like the lady in the commercial who says "I can't get up." I've heard it has something to do with loss of balance when you get older. I fell again just a couple of weeks ago when I opened the door to the refrigerator. I wanted to get something from the bottom drawer, so I had to step back to open it all the way and I tripped over my own feet. I usually can crawl to the phone and call a daughter for help, but I have one of those gadgets that hang around my neck, too. I think anyone who lives alone should have one, even if they aren't old.
When I had chemotherapy after one of my colon cancer surgeries, I lost all my hair. However, it grew back and even had a slight wave to it. Now the wave has gone and so has a lot of my hair. It's very thin and very fine, so I take a lot of Biotin to keep the hair I have. I also have some good news/bad news about hair. The bad news is that when you get old, you not only lose hair on your head, you lose hair all over your body. Yes, down there too,...and your eyebrows and eyelashes also get thin. The good news is that I don't have to shave my underarms or my legs anymore!
My eyesight is still pretty good, but that wasn't always true. Several years ago, I noticed I was having trouble driving at night mainly because of the headlights of oncoming cars. After I had cataract surgery in both eyes, I was fine again, and I highly recommend the surgery to anyone considering it. (It's relatively simple surgery nowadays, along with a quick recovery.) So that was good, but after I turned 80, I noticed I was squinting a lot. A couple of years ago, a friend told me that she had an eye-lift. She suggested that I get one, too and told me that Medicare would cover it. So I went to an incredible doctor in our town, who was both an eye surgeon and a plastic surgeon. He measured my eyes and took pictures to justify the surgery for Medicare. Then he performed the surgery and said he removed 3/4 of an inch of flesh above each eye. Now I don't squint anymore!
My hearing is still remarkably good, but if yours isn't, please get hearing aids. I know some people think it 'ages' them, but I don't think they realize how annoying it is for others to have to constantly repeat things that are said. I know I'm also lucky that my brain is still functioning reasonably well. However, I do have trouble remembering names, so If I call you by the wrong name, please forgive me. And sometimes I wonder what I came into a room for, but that's normal for 86, isn't it?
Anyway, I hope this will help to prepare you for old age, and if you're already there like I am, be happy. As one friend of mine says, we're still above the grass and not under it.
