Civility is Dead

by Bonnie Biocchi, Executive Director

Having recently celebrated Independence Day, I am wondering what our founders would say about the state of our nation today. With Covid-19 still surging in many parts of the country, protests continuing to simultaneously unite and divide our people, and an economy that is struggling to right itself, it is no wonder many folks are expressing anxiety and frustration over how to make America whole again.

While there is little doubt that America is undergoing transformation, it is impossible to predict what the “new America” will look like. Looking back on how this nation has previously healed after times of tumult, I have faith that the American people will indeed preserve this democracy. And yet, I believe there is at least one stark difference in this season of disenchantment. It is clear to me that civility is dead.

I live on a busy road in a small town. Across the street from my long driveway lives a family of Trump supporters. Every morning, when I open my curtains, I see a huge six-foot sign proclaiming this family’s allegiance. Their fence is emblazoned with flags, signs and other paraphernalia. This display was erected on New Year’s Day 2016.

When the sign first went up, given its size, many people in town called the police to complain. Some tried to tear it down and still others have defaced both the sign and the fence on which it stands with boldly colored slogans and epithets, sometimes badly misspelled. This damage did not make my neighbor change his mind – it actually had the opposite effect. He framed the sign and permanently attached it to his fence.  In fact, after every act of vandalism, more signs went up! People have urged me to “sneak out in the middle of the night and rip that sign down”. Maybe it’s the former Town Clerk in me but I would never do that. To do so would be both a crime and bad behavior. My neighbor has every bit as much right as the next guy to display a sign. The framers of our Constitution (and subsequent Bill of Rights) guaranteed freedom of speech as a founding precept of our nation. I wonder if that is taught anymore.

Now, many times a day and into the wee hours of the morning, people drive by and lean on their horn for several seconds either hurling expletives or cheering this display. What does this rude behavior accomplish? It disturbs the sleeping neighborhood, exposes small children to foul language (and sign language) and startles people peacefully working in their yards.  But those honking drivers don’t think about that. All they can think about is their own agenda and their own desire to be heard. It is another expression of the selfishness that is gripping our country and another sign of incivility.

If we are truly going to honor America’s principles, it starts with basic common decency. It begins with people understanding and respecting that each person has value. That even though we disagree, we can do so in a civil way. Disagreement shouldn’t engender hatred; rather it should invoke a desire to better understand each other. I believe that all people generally want the same thing, which is to live life to the fullest, pursuing happiness.

Franklin D. Roosevelt’s famous Four Freedoms makes it clear: "We look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression; the second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way; the third is freedom from want and the fourth is freedom from fear”. In 2020, we’ve still got a long way to go if we are collectively to attain those four freedoms.

I have never met my neighbor. I imagine him to be a regular guy, with hopes and dreams, joys and sorrows just like me. Maybe he is a grandparent or likes to fish. Maybe he likes to travel or play the saxophone. I do know that he is a veterinarian because he used to have a pack of loudly barking dogs in his yard, which have since been replaced by goats. I hate to admit it, but those dogs scared me and I never went over and introduced myself. And so, before this election year is over, I am going to walk across the street and say hello. Maybe I’ll learn something. Maybe we’ll have something in common, maybe not, but one thing is sure, it’s the civil thing to do.