Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club

Sunset at Sand Harbor, Lake Tahoe

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

President’s Message


November 2025


I recently attended the funeral of the wife of a friend of mine. It was a graveside ceremony, well attended by family, her friends and his friends. It was a beautiful and moving ceremony which revealed many remarkable accomplishments of the person everyone there would miss. It occurred to me that what I was seeing and hearing, while sitting outside on a cool, windy fall morning, was designed to help bring closure to those of us who came to honor her. I’ve not been to many funerals, but from each I’ve taken away some major revelation. Since over 60% of Californians today choose cremation, interment may not be something the person’s mourners get to witness, but in this case being present for the scattering of ashes can be another path to closure. For those who hadn’t seen the decedent for some time or have traveled some distance to be present at the funeral, they’ve already lost moments of farewell and closure.


Whether the actual interment is religious, spiritual, or ceremonial in some other way, it helps those present to come to grips with the reality of having the decedent continue to exist in their memory. As I sat with the other mourners appreciating the words and chants preparing us for the lowering of the casket into the crypt, I began to anticipate the sound of the first shovelful of earth landing on its precious wooden target. That sound, I knew, was the ultimate endorsement of finality for one special person who had given so much to those who knew her.



Jim Greenberg, President EOLCC

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


CLUB PRESIDENT JIM GREENBERG AND BESS CHOSAK, DEATH CAFE CO-FACILiTATORS

deathcafelogo1.PNG


The Rossmoor Death Café will meet on Friday, November 14, 3:30-5 PM in the Vista Room at the Hillside Clubhouse.


Though not a grief support or therapy group, our Death Café offers a safe place for participants to bring up such end-of-life issues as Advanced Healthcare Directives, how to talk about final plans and wishes with your family, and other late life concerns.


Thank you to those who attended October's Death Café. Here is the poem Richard read which speaks of letting go and opening your eyes.



Prescription for the Disillusioned


“Come new to this day.

Remove the rigid

overcoat of experience,

the notion of knowing,

the beliefs that cloud

your vision.


Leave behind the stories

of your life. Spit out the

sour taste of unmet expectation.

Let the stale scent of what-ifs

waft back into the swamp

of your useless fears.


Arrive curious, without the armor

of certainty, the plans and planned

results of the life you’ve imagined.

Live the life that chooses you, new

every breath, every blink of

your astonished eyes.”


by Rebecca del Rio




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

November's Film



Wit, a 2001 award winning drama staring Emma Thompson, directed by Mike Nichols, and is based on a play by Margaret Edison.


Professor Vivian Bearing (Emma Thompson), an expert of 17th century British poet, John Donne, has spent her life contemplating religion and death as literary motifs. Diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, she is forced to face death on a personal level.


November 17, 2025, Peacock Theater, 1 PM


Bill Patten, Film Chair for EOLCC

MARCIA LIBERSON, PROGRAMS

Burial and Cremation 


Our October, "What You Should Know About Burial, Cremation, Green Burial, and Body Composting” was very well attended by more than 70 people.


Handouts details from the presentation will be available soon on our new website.


https://www.rossmooreolcc.org/


For questions, please contact Nancy Dimsdale, Publicity/Communications Chair, 1-858-354-1195.



RICHARD NAEGLE, VICE PRESIDENT AND TREASURER

A CELEBRATION OF THE DAY OF THE DEAD


You are invited to learn about and participate in the ancient and beautiful tradition of the Day of the Dead: Tuesday, October 28, 1-3:00 pm, in the Club Room at Creekside. This event is co-sponsored by the End of Life Concerns Club and the Entre Amigos Club.


When the Spanish conquistadors came to the American continent, they brought their Christian understanding of death as the final judgment, the peril of eternal damnation, and something to be feared. But the Nahua-speaking people of Mesoamerica accepted the inevitability of death rather than feared it. Death was not an end but a stage in a continual cycle—part of a never-ending journey.


Their ancient holiday, now manifesting in the modern Day of the Dead, celebrates the fullness of life including its embrace of death. Families come together to honor their ancestors and affirm our shared mortality. Flowers, fruit and candy decorate altars together with photographs of loved ones who have died. Deaths sadness is balanced with beauty, music and remembrances. As the old saying goes: “We have to find death before death finds us.”


In the modern celebration of the Dead we still find images of the ancient Tree of Life—on one side are pots filled with the souls of those who have died, and on the other side are pots filled with the souls of those who are living. The souls rise like birds from the pots and migrate back and forth across the tree in a continuous cycle.


“We need to find death before death finds us.”

(Richard Naegle at Oakland Day of Dead celebration, 1995)


El Dia de los Muertos is perhaps the most popular holiday in Mexico and is rapidly spreading into other cultures. I recommend a lovely modern depiction of the meaning of this celebration in the Disney animated movie, “Coco.” Also recommended is the Rossmoor Recreation Department’s workshop on Wednesday, 10/29, 1-2:45 pm in MPR 1where each participant makes their own altar/ofrenda, using a cardboard box with items they bring and that the Rec Dept provides. Sign-up information is in the Rossmoor News. 


The event will be led by Richard Naegle, PhD, who has shared this material in classes at JFK University and numerous workshops with the Guild for Psychological Studies. Do join us in this lovely celebration of life and death. Please bring a picture of a departed loved one (and perhaps a memento of their favorite food or drink) to place on our ofrenda”/altar of remembrance.


For more information, call Richard Naegle, 1-707-887-1685


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

New Club Website, Please Visit!

 https://www.rossmooreolcc.org/


Additionally, the Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club is building a library of books relevant to our educational mission. We are in the process of developing a set of extra benefits of club membership, one of which will be the privilege of borrowing books from our collection. Here are a few examples of books to be offered in the near future.

*******************************************************************************

MARLEY MIDDLEBROOK, MEMBERSHIP

The advocacy group "A Better Exit" has announced that California's "End of Life Option Act" has been signed into permeant law ensuring that terminally ill, mentally capable adults with a life expectancy of six months or less will have access to Medical Aid in Dying (MAiD) now and forever. This is a tremendous step forward for compassion, autonomy, and dignity at the end of life.


Thank you for supporting our work at the End of Life Concerns Club.


If you would like to join now, your membership will be activated now and through all of 2026 ($20) or to renew your membership for 2026 you may do so at the next Death Café, or drop off a check to the Gateway mailbox. Membership is $20 per year and is a great way to be involved in the community.


Our Newsletter and Book Club will only be made available to members in good standing.


Membership: Marley Middlebrook at marleypsyd@me.com or (925) 385-0336

Jim Greenberg, President

endoflifeconcerns@gmail.com

(412) 736-2317