This article is submitted by Diane Rasor, City of Newark to fulfill requirements of receiving an Alyce Deering Scholarship.

 Crucial Conversations and Ice Cream

A few years ago, I wrote a book report on Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler, which was by far the best book I have ever read on the importance of everyday conversations. I thought, with that holidays upon us (and lots of family), it would be a good time to give myself a refresher course and share my thoughts with you.

First, if you don't know this, you need to. A sensitive conversation will cause your body's chemistry to change (nothing you can do about that except recognize it) and send a message to your brain to either "fight" or "flight" along with causing you to be unable to think clearly. This tends to generate responses totally opposite of the resolution you may want.

The key to controlling this chemical reaction is to learn the technique of redirecting by actively listening. I have a three-year-old grandson who can go from screaming with tears running down his face to total calm in two seconds flat. When I ask, "Do you want some ice cream?" I have redirected his thoughts. I have trained myself to redirect my thoughts to what the other person is saying instead of allowing my emotions to cloud the issue. Concentrate on what you know, not on how you feel. Example: She is saying people who like chocolate ice cream are stupid. My feelings: " I can't believe she just called me stupid!". What I know: "The flavor of ice cream I like has nothing to do with my IQ."

Respond with honesty and respect. Search your hear for motive and stay focused on what purpose. Is your motive to win the argument or hurt the other person because you are being hurt? Recognize your motive for your reaction. Ask yours, "What is my motive for what I'm about to say?". If it's going to make things worse, don't say it. Quickly figure what outcome you want from the conversation. If your motive is to solve the problem and end the conflict then you might say, " O don't want to argue; I can tolerate vanilla ice cream."

Fact or Fiction. We all do it-The Mayor says he wants you to "tweak" the report you just finished for him. You tell your assistant, "Can you believe it? He wants me to re-write the whole thing." Stick to the facts. He just wants a cherry on top of his ice cream, that's all.

Repeat or rephrase what the other person has said to make sure you understand what they want. Sometimes it's as simple as that. If there are points you agree  with, begin working with those until, hopefully, you will both get what you want and are glad the conversation too place. "Ok, so we both want ice cream but you want vanilla and I want chocolate. How about we just buy a gallon of each?"

It would be great if all conversations were that easy and everyone ended up happy but realistically they don't. However, most of them could end on a positive note if we think before we speak, practice the techniques above and recognize that every conversation is crucial. Now go get an ice cream. You deserve it!

Happy Holidays,

Diane Rasor, TRMC

City Administrator/City Secretary

City of Newark, Texas 

The history of the Dorothy Byrd Scholarship fund?

 

Dorothy Faye Byrd is known as the "mother" of the Texas Municipal Clerks Association Program. Her story began in the City of Andrews, Texas where she served as the City Secretary and Tax Collector. There she began working on her doctorate through the University of North Texas. As a result of her doctorate work, she started the Texas Municipal Clerks Certification Program (TMCCP). The program was established in 1967, with Dorothy serving as program director in 1968. Prior to serving as director, she served as the president of the Association of City Clerks and Secretaries of Texas (ACCSOT) from 1964 to 1965. In 1986, the organization was renamed the Texas Municipal Clerks Association (TMCA), Inc. In 1973, for her efforts as a spokesperson on the successful education program, the International Institute of Municipal Clerks (IIMC) recognized TMCCP for IIMC certification.

 

Dorothy was instrumental in the passage of House Bill 2092 by the Texas State Legislature in 1985, which recognized the TMCCP and provided for certification and recertification. In 1993, Dorothy retired and became director emeritus. In 1994, Dorothy was presented with the first Director's Award of Excellence from IIMC. IIMC also credited her for the phenomenal growth of IIMC's Certification and Academy Programs. Dorothy was a lifetime member of both TMCA and IIMC. She was especially proud of fostering the development of the first Texas Municipal Election Law Manual, the Texas Municipal Law and Procedure Manual, and the Texas Municipal Clerks Handbook.

 

Dorothy Faye Byrd died on February 25, 2010 after coping with several health issues. She was an exemplary leader who worked tirelessly to advance the education, personal development, and professional status of municipal clerks on a local, state and international level.

 

Submitted by Monica, Solko, Historian