August 23, 2023

Quote of the Week:

“My caregiver mantra is to remember;

the only control you have is over the changes you choose to make.”

– Nancy L. Kriseman

We've all seen it, we're at a nice restaurant, enjoying our microgreens and a nice Chablis when, the table over, the couple is ignoring their screaming toddler who is kicking the backside of your booth. "Can't you control your...child?" We expect social control and proper decorum in our everyday encounters with our fellow humans. When that is amiss, we expect (certainly desire) a swift return to relative peace and coexistence. Adherence to stop lights and driving on the "right" side of the road assures safety and cooperation that can assure our continuing survival. So it is with “social graces” and the healthy, well placed boundaries that inspire mutual respect.

When does the need for control become problematic, even toxic? Seems the differentiation centers around that which we CAN control, and that which we TRY to control, but can't. More to the point, the question: Is it OURS to control?

Please refer to the graph below:

The key to discernment:

“The wisdom to know the difference.”

1. JOURNAL: Track situations you’re trying to control. Pay attention to the negative feelings that arose, such as frustration, jealousy, resentment. What did you accomplish? What was the outcome?
2. IDENTIFY EMOTIONS, THE ROOT OF YOUR BEHAVIOR: Feelings of vulnerability, rejection, negative childhood experiences?
3. CHALLENGE UNHELPFUL THOUGHT PATTERNS: Observe negative self-talk, catastrophizing, impossible standards of self or others, habitual blaming. Consider choosing more positive interpretations over maladaptive conclusions.
4. LET GO OF THAT WHICH YOU CAN’T CONTROL
5. ACCEPT SELF AND OTHERS, “as is.”
6. PRACTICE RELAXATION AND STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES
7. LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE SIDE: Be willing to be flexible. Notice what went well, so far.
8. SEARCH FOR BALANCE. All or nothing at all, black vs. white…be willing to look for the “grey”.
9. ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS: You’re not always right; not perfect….and, yes, that goes for everyone else as well.
10. DEVOTE TIME AND ENERGY TO TRUE HAPPINESS: “Do more of what works, less of what doesn’t, and try new things.”

THE TRIED AND TRUEISM STANDS: THE ONLY CONTROL WE TRULY HAVE, OR EVER WILL HAVE, IS OVER OUR REACTIONS, AND OUR RESPONSES. 

MAY WE CULTIVATE MORE RESPONSES AND A WHOLE LOT LESS REACTIONS!

– Karen Kelleher MA 

DayBreak Caregiver Support Coordinator

Karen@daybreakac.org

• AARP Caregiving Resource Center: AARP provides a comprehensive online resource center for caregivers, offering information on a wide range of topics, including legal matters, financial planning, and emotional support.
• Caregiver Action Network: This network offers resources, education, and advocacy for family caregivers. They provide tools for self-care and offer guidance on navigating the caregiving journey.
• Spectrum Community Services for Seniors: Offers Fall Prevention Program to address fall risk and promote independence and safety. They also provide nourishing meals and access to healthy food options.
• Eldercare Locator: Run by the U.S. Administration on Aging, this service helps caregivers locate local resources and services for older adults and caregivers.

Together, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of elders 

and the caregivers who selflessly support them.

At DayBreak, we are dedicated to providing vital assistance to older adults and caregivers facing various challenges. If you are aware of a senior who could benefit from our care and coordination services, or if you know a caregiver in need of support, please encourage them to get in touch with us at:

510-834-8314