Kids Today & What They Need from Us

For anyone who has kids of their own or who has worked with young people in the recent years, it’s becoming more and more apparent that understanding our young people is at the heart of doing our best by them. In our fast-moving world, this is precisely the thing we are collectively struggling with. We don’t have to resign to the seemingly apparent belief that we will never understand kids these days – our young people deserve more from us. So, let’s be courageous, get curious, and dive in together.

If we want to be comprehensive in our quest to better understand our kids, we need to explore across disciplines, consider different perspectives, and think complexly about something that is indeed, complex. What’s to come in Parts 1 and 2 of this topic is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a good multifaceted starting point.

A Neurobiological Drive-By:

Mechanics Under the Teenage Hood

Today it is quite popular to talk about the brains of our adolescents as mysterious, undeveloped, unsolved puzzles. The reality is, the majority of the brain is online and operating at full capacity; what hasn’t reached full maturation is the prefrontal cortex (PFC). This unique part of the brain is often called the decider when different options are laid out – it’s about executive function and making strategic decisions, and it plays a large role in self-regulation and managing impulsivity (among many other things).

This delayed development can be evolutionarily explained as the brain giving itself the opportunity to get it absolutely right. Humans have the kind of nature that requires nurture: our genes are guided and regulated by both the physical and social environment. The risk of being so critically dependent on social and physical input is obvious (can you feel the responsibility?), but the advantage we gain to offset this risk is that each brain becomes optimized for its environment (the one it developed in). Instead of having to encode all of our wiring instructions into our genes, evolution has done the economical and efficient thing; it has offloaded much of this job to the world (and people) around us. We are better served when experiences are the ultimate shaper of neural connections rather than pure genetics. It is, therefore, no surprise that the part of the human brain that most defines who we are and how we navigate our world is the part that waits the longest to allow a multitude of messy, scratchy, and exploratory situations to shape it. 

For the aficionados out there, during this crucial time when the brain is optimizing its neural circuitry, the PFC is reducing the number of synaptic connections through the process of competitive pruning (increasing efficiency). The PFC begins to operate as a more functional unit while an insulating layer forms around neurons (myelination) speeding up the transmission of electrical signals and allowing for more coordinated communication. The brain is being wired by its environment to best serve the young person in the environment they’re likely to encounter moving forward. Don’t worry, during this time when the PFC is comparatively underdeveloped, other parts of the brain (i.e., the ventral striatum) lend a helping hand. The other fundamental pillar of support? Us. We (trusted adults) step in with our empathic care and loving guidance as we build the hand rails to help keep them upright and tracking forward as they cross the wobbly bridge of adolescence. Time for us to embrace the biological reality that we are critical factors in our adolescents’ developing brains – our words, our actions, our attitudes, and our beliefs. Their nature ensures that our nurture leaves its mark.

Hallmark Behavior

The goal here is not to stereotype, but simply to highlight what is common and even expected amongst our beloved adolescents. Let’s start with risk-taking. To summarize the research, teenagers take more risks and are significantly less proficient in risk assessment than adults. Sound familiar? Risk-taking at this age is characterized specifically by novelty seeking. The underlying mechanism here can be found in the exaggerated signaling of dopamine neurons (dopamine is stereotypically known as the “feel-good” hormone or the “molecule of more”). At this age, dopaminergic activity in the brain’s “reward center” has huge fluctuations resulting in what typically manifests in experiencing the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. This is the inevitable roller coaster ride our teens are strapped into.

The frantic need to belong is the second unmistakable trademark of the teenage years. Young people experience an increased vulnerability to peer pressure and emotional contagion. When adults are asked what they think of themselves and then what they believe others think of them, neuroimaging shows two distinct but overlapping networks. Adolescents don’t show this neural distinction – what they think about themselves is equivalent with what everyone else thinks of them. This positions peer acceptance at the heart of their experience, and social exclusion and rejection become crushing forces to the identity they are working to form.

I would be remiss to leave out the remarkable ability teenagers have to feel huge emotions. These huge emotions lead to all sorts of complexing behaviors that scream teen – I need not mention the infinite possibilities here. If you recall from early on in our neurobiological drive-by, the vast majority of the adolescent brain is online and chugging full steam ahead. The one part that’s lagging behind is the legendary decider, the prefrontal cortex (PFC). In the way the brain matures, grey matter gives way to white matter from back to front, from less connected brain networks and regions (i.e., the primary sensorimotor cortex) to the most connected (i.e., the frontal cortex). This white matter that increases from childhood to adulthood is the byproduct of all of those newly myelinated neurons speeding up the brain’s communication. Long story short, the teen’s brain is experiencing a time of neural imbalance.

But we know evolution ensures a functional benefit here just as we talked about earlier. Big emotions and immaturity of the PFC play a role in allowing teens to connect with others, break away from the familial security zone, and learn a heck of a lot about themselves and their world. The teenage brain appears to favor certain types of learning and flexibility. Frequent powerful emotional experiences lend themselves to fluidity of intrinsic motivation, and goals and priorities are easily shaped and reshaped by ever-changing social contexts. Emotions are a powerful teacher. Using them to learn, however, is not always the teenager’s forte. This is where we have the opportunity to (skillfully) step in. Oftentimes, our instincts tell us to fix it. Our teens learn the most powerful lessons when we have the courage to not fix it. If we can sit with our teens through it, allow them the space to feel it, and help them process it when they’re ready, we give them the chance to maximize their incredible brains.

With the hardcore science of the individual behind us, next week we will shift our focus to examine the powerful external forces they are navigating. Our society and the culture in which our adolescents are trying to survive and thrive is nothing like the human race has ever seen before.

References (and Resources You Should Also Check Out!)

§ Cindy Pierce – www.cindy-pierce.com (Social Sexuality Educator - check out her full body of work)

§ Center for Humane Technology – www.humanetech.com (highly recommend their podcast: Your Undivided Attention)

§ Jean Twenge – iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood (and What This Means for the Rest of Us)

§ Lisa Feldman Barrett – Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain

§ Robert Sapolsky – Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst

Elle Gilbert, M.A., CMPC 

M.A., Sport & Performance Psychology

Certified Mental Performance Consultant

Stratton Mountain School Mental Performance Specialist

Equipped to Excel: Sport & Performance Psychology Consulting