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I just returned from a 17 day vacation in Yelapa and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
It was an interesting trip that included my travel buddy cancelling last minute (she got sick), me not feeling well when I arrived, and the day I felt better, I fell and hit my head... hard. This happened New Years Day and I can't help but think there was symbolism in it. Perhaps it was a shake-me-awake kind of fall... which included going through some 'dark nights of the ego' (I personally don't believe in 'dark nights of the soul' as the Soul knows what it is :).
The fall brought tremendous anxiety and Google searches made it worse. I was so scared I tried to change my flight to return home. I ended up going to Urgent Care and had a CAT Scan done and all was fine. After hearing that I wasn't going to die or go insane from a slow brain bleed, I felt better... at least physically, but I was still out of sorts for several more days.
It's hard to describe the despair I felt, but it was intense and unsettling.
I've never been good at relaxing. I have always loved working, learning, staying busy, being creative and productive. I'm sure there is pathology in this as workaholism is a known trauma response... but I also feel enthusiastic, ecstatic and alive when I am useful and on purpose.
Too much time on my hands can lead to monkey mind. I tried meditating
and talking to my higher Self but my attempts were half-hearted and empty.
I felt like I wasn't myself. Each day I laid low, sulking in my condo
overlooking the beach that I barely set foot on. In the evenings,
I enjoyed scrumptious dinners out alone or with my sweet Mexican family.
Then, I'd run home to watch a few episodes of 'Anne with an E' on Netflix, which was the perfect show for this strange and tender time.
Finally, on the 12th day I reached out to a dear friend, Suara Lee who does Akashic Record Readings and booked a session with her the next day.
This reading shifted everything, thank God.
I talk about it here:
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