"Manners are a sensitive awareness to the feelings of others.
If you have that awareness, it doesn't matter what fork you use."


School is back in session, the weather is cooling off a bit - at least in some parts of the country! We're ready for all that fall has to bring. We are currently hosting our fall Train the Trainer courses and are both impressed and inspired by our new trainees. Keep an eye out for new Emily Post trainers coming to your community!

In this month's newsletter we're tackling your questions about explaining - or keeping private - your absence from work, good gifts for second marriages, and who has the rights to invite more guests to a dinner out. Plus, we have a special segment this month: We've partnered with TDBank on their "TDBank Thanks You" campaign. They've produced an amazing study on gratitude that explores the who, what, where, when and why of thank yous. It's truly fascinating and we're excited to be able to share the results of the survey with you.

Please feel encouraged to write in and send your thoughts and questions to us to help us make this newsletter exactly what you want it to be! You can submit your question or comment to newsletter@emilypost.com

Keep those questions coming, or if you have any thoughts or comments for us please, write to us at newsletter@emilypost.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

A survey conducted by TD Bank explored gratitude and thank you behaviors among American consumers. Even though the world is going digital, people of all ages still prefer an in-person thank you. The study found that people of all ages think a face-to-face thank you is best.

Individuals want to feel supported by organizations. On a personal level, they want to know that an institution like their bank cares about helping them achieve their financial goals. Personalized expressions of gratitude show a level of effort, which is especially important when dealing with money

The HOW matters - how a thank you is expressed is as important as why. Finding ways to personalize and make a "thank you" sincere will make all the difference in the customer's experience.

People are in agreement when it comes to an in-person approach, however, consumers express varying preferences by generation around other methods like phone, text/emoji, and email. This means different approaches should be taken depending on the generation you're working with.
With multiple generations in the workforce, customizing the method of interaction is important.

Given how much time people spend at work, TD also studied how employees express appreciation. Only 8% of respondents thank their boss the most, compared to thanking colleagues (28%) and clients (14%). Millennials have the edge when it comes to client relationship building: 22% are more likely to thank their clients, outpacing Gen X (13%) and boomers (8%).

People surveyed said they are more likely to thank a friend than a spouse or partner.
This reminds us not to forget the people closest to us when it comes to extending our gratitude.

For more visit TDBank's Media Room to learn about the survey.

Your brother and his wife have a wonderful gift-giving tradition to celebrate your twin daughters' birthday. But this year they forgot and didn't even send a card. Your daughters feel forgotten. Should you respond in kind when their children's birthdays roll around?
Also mentioned:
  • Co-worker cliques during the lunch break
  • Salespeople who bash your favorite brands
  • How to take responsibility when you screw up
  • To go or not to go to the party
  • A PDA on public transit plea
  • An etiquette salute from the election trenches

Awesome Etiquette wants to hear from you!
The "Awesome Etiquette" podcast, hosted by Dan and Lizzie is looking to hear from you! So give us a shout. Send in your etiquette questions, awesome etiquette salutes, etiquette confessions, or any suggested topics you'd like to hear about on the podcast to  awesomeetiquette@emilypost.com. You can also post questions to our Facebook or Twitter page using #AwesomeEtiquette, so we know you want your question answered on the show!

And don't forget to subscribe via iTunes - IT'S FREE!

Awesome Etiquette is a part of The Infinite Guest Network from American Public Media.

Business: Keeping Medical Leave Private

Sex in the Workplace
Dear Emily Post Institute,

If you've been absent from your workplace due to being hospitalized for an emotional disorder (or any reason really) what are the correct responses to your co-workers when you return and they ask detailed questions about what happened to you and why you were away? When I had to leave others were told I was taking a "leave of absence." I'm fine now, but it was a tough time and I don't want to have to talk about it.

Dear Anonymous,

We are glad you are feeling better, and we want to reassure you that you do not have to share any information that you do not wish to. If asked, you may simply reply that you're glad to be back. "Sidney, nice to have you back, why were you away, was everything ok?" "Thanks for the concern Jeff, I'm happy to be back at work." If someone presses you for details, you may just say you prefer not to discuss it but that you appreciate their concern. "Again, Jeff, I appreciate your concern but I'd rather not share the details. I'm really happy to be back and focused on work."

We hope this helps make the transition back to work a little smoother. 

For more information on business etiquette, check out Emily Post's The Etiquette Advantage in Business, 3rd Edition or visit www.emilypost.com.
Problems with a coworker?

Business Etiquette E-Learning courses help improve:

- Business relationships
- Etiquette and civility in the workplace
- Business social skills

Etiquette Bites: Face to Face or Over the Phone?

Lizzie Post discusses how to write the all important thank-you note.

Check out this Etiquette Bite and more here:  Etiquette Bites.

Wedding: Second Marriages & Gifts

Hi Post Family!
My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are getting married later this year. He is a widower and she divorced so it will be a second marriage for both. They are mid to late 50's and between them have several homes and are well off financially. What should our family expect as far as wedding gifts, showers, as far as what would be appropriate? They are planning a function with approximately 100 family and friends.
Thanks for any thoughts!

Hi Jill,
Thank you so much for writing in. If you gave a gift to either the bride or the groom at their first wedding you are not obligated to give another wedding gift, although you may if you want to and close friends and family usually do. Since they don't need the traditional kitchen or dining ware, the gift can be creative and fun. For example, if the couple enjoys gardening or outdoor life, golf, movies, theater, tennis, travel or other pastimes, a great gift is something in support of those interests. Other gifts could be flowers of the month for a few months, having their invitation matted and framed for their wall, gift certificates for a gourmet cooking class or ballroom dancing lessons, credits toward music and video streaming services, or specialty foods or beverages.

It's fine to host a shower for an encore couple. How about a monogram shower? From luggage tags to linens to stationery, it's a great - and practical - way to celebrate the new couple. As with any wedding gift, base it on your affection for the couple, your budget, and a gift you think they would truly enjoy.

Read Peggy Post's thoughts on today's most nuanced wedding dilemmas in the archive of her New York Times column.

Read more of Emily Post advice each month in Good Housekeeping.

Lifestyle: Who Hosts When It's Dinner Out?     

Dear Emily Post Family,

I had a dinner date with my spouse & 2 married friends recently. We were going to meet in a local restaurant.
I received an email from one of our friends telling us that he had invited several others to join us. They were people that we knew but weren't part of our dinner plans.
I asked him, in the future, to please let us know if he invites others & he angrily said that he didn't need my permission to invite others to join us.
I thought that if you had plans with people, in a restaurant & not in their home, it was polite to ask them if it was OK to invite others.
Am I wrong?

Dear Sue,

Thank you so much for writing in. The situation you've described is an uncomfortable one for sure. It really comes down to who is hosting. If your friend was hosting this dinner and taking you out to this meal, then yes, it would be his or her choice to include other guests and he or she has no obligation to inform you of the other guests. However, if this was - as most dining out experiences are - a get together, "Let's do dinner at Tanglewoods," then it would be considerate for the other party to ask, "Would it be alright with you if I extended the invitation to Kelsey and Grant?" This gives the other participating parties a chance to say, "Oh, I had really hoped it would just be the four of us, could we plan something with Kelsey and Grant another night?" or to say, "Of course! It would be wonderful to see them as well!" whichever you prefer.

We hope this helps to clarify the difference between the two scenarios in the future. Hopefully this particular situation can be water under the bridge. Keep your focus on your firendship.

We hope these suggestions help you feel a little more confident in your daily life!
  For more information on condolence notes, check out Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th Edition or visit www.emilypost.com.  

IDEAS ON PINTEREST | Visit our boards. Get inspired.

With fall starting we like to get inspired about spending time inside our homes. Use our Pinterest boards for ideas and inspiration in your home!

Please visit our contact page to reach us, or you can find us on Facebook and Twitter. We love hearing from you, so feel free to post to our social media and join in the conversation. We may not always be able to respond, but we read every question and comment. From our family to yours we hope you have a wonderful month! As always, thank you for your continued interest in etiquette and The Emily Post Institute.      


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