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Children and teens carry their grief to school with them every day. For some, returning to school is comforting. They find support in the structure, familiarity, connections with friends, and the opportunity to focus on something other than grief. For others, returning to school can bring additional stress, uncertainty, and worry.
Planning ahead for potential challenges can often bring some comfort to students. If a child or teen in your life will be going to back to school with grief, here are a few ideas to consider:
Make a difficult day safety plan: Throughout the year, there will be months and days that are more difficult than others. Talk with your child to identify what they need when they feel overwhelmed. Then, collaborate with educators to identify strategies for your child to access that support. Even if your child never implements their difficult day safety plan, it can be reassuring to have one in place.
Find ways for children and teens to check in with you or other caregivers: After a death, children and teens often fear something will happen to other people in their lives. Going the entire school day without a check-in can be a lot to ask, especially in the first few months after a death. Talk with your child and school staff about how they can check in with you or others at certain times throughout the day.
Plan drop-off and pick-up routines: If the person who died was a part of a child’s drop-off and pick-up routine, those times of day can be especially difficult. Ask your child ahead of time about these and talk about possible options. Some will want to keep things as similar as possible, while others may want to try something new.
Address challenges with concentration, memory, and school assignments: Grief can take a toll on our ability to focus and complete tasks. Work with your child and their teacher(s) to come up with ideas for trying to focus and keeping track of schoolwork.
Make time for recreation, play, and friends: All children and teens need time for rest, relaxation, and fun. Play is how children, especially young children, process and integrate what is happening in their world. If the person who died was a big part of their play and fun, it’s helpful to be aware that they might be worried about who will do those activities with them now.
Returning to school can be a significant experience, particularly for those who are grieving. No matter how your child feels about the start of school, we hope these ideas and suggestions will provide you with a good foundation for talking with them about their concerns and finding ways for them to feel supported and understood.
Find more information and a downloadable tip sheet in English here and in Spanish here. Dougy Center also offers on online course, Supporting Students who are Grieving, specifically for educators. Find more here.
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