News from Dougy Center, January 2023

Thank you for your generosity!

A huge thank you and our deepest appreciation to everyone who supported Dougy Center with their year-end gift. With a goal of raising $150,000, we are thrilled to announce we raised more than $198,000 in December from more than 360 individuals! An additional $32,927 was raised through the Willamette Week Give!Guide! These funds will go to grief support programs and resources to help kids, teens, young adults, and their families before and after a death.

Add a note to Dougy Center's card for the family of Beverly Chappell

Dougy Center's founder, Beverly Chappell, died in September. We are creating a special card for her family that will be presented at Bev's upcoming memorial service. Please include a message or special memory here and we will add it to the card. All messages must be received by January 12.

Tips for New Year's intentions and grief

Grief isn’t something to be managed or organized. It is a wildly complex mix of unpredictable and always changing thoughts and emotions. Given that, you can set an intention to create a supportive relationship with your grief, regardless of how it’s manifesting in the moment. One idea for setting New Year's intentions while you’re grieving is to create a calendar for mapping out events and occasions connected to your loss.



Here are some categories to consider:

• Particularly poignant days or times of year. No matter how long it’s been since someone died, there may be times that bring grief into sharp focus. It might be the anniversary of the death, the person’s birthday, your birthday, a holiday, or any other day that is meaningful for you and your relationship with the person who died. Often the lead up can be even more difficult than the day itself, catching people off guard until they make the connection. Planning ahead and being aware of these days might not lessen sadness, anger, or heartbreak, but can reduce the confusion around why those feelings are intensified.

• Specific tasks related to the loss you want to start or complete. There is no timeline for the emotions and logistics of grief. When it comes to sorting through belongings, deciding what to do with your loved ones cremated ashes, responding to friends and family, and attending to other bureaucratic tasks, going at the pace which is right for you is what’s really important.

• Self-care activities that are truly restorative and nourishing. Self-care is as varied as we are. What brings comfort and energy to one person can spark the opposite for another. As you sort through self-care ideas, consider what helps your body, mind, and spirit. If you have children, talk with them about self-care and ideas they have for what to do when they need support.

• Time for recreation and fun. Do you worry that you are dishonoring the person or your grief if you find yourself feeling good? Many people struggle with giving themselves permission to laugh and experience positive emotions. If you have children, talk as a family about activities that foster laughter and ease (going to the park, watching silly videos, playing games, etc.). For some, being intentional with these activities helps reduce feelings of guilt around having fun again.

• Rituals to remember and honor the person who died. Many participants in our support groups appreciate having dedicated time for remembering the person who died and thinking about how grief is affecting them. Scheduling remembrance events such as looking through photographs, lighting a candle, watching videos, visiting the gravesite or other place connected to the person, and getting together with friends and family to share memories are a few examples, but don’t feel constrained by these ideas. Go at your own pace. If looking at photos is important to you, maybe start with one or two and try adding more as the weeks go by.

When it comes to marking these plans in your calendar, be as creative (or not) as you like. Do you want to plan out the entire year or does going month to month seem more feasible? If planning specifics feels too confining or overwhelming, consider assigning certain days of the week for different categories without deciding ahead of time exactly what you’ll do. Maybe reserve Tuesdays for self-care, Thursdays for a remembrance ritual, and Saturdays for recreation and fun. If you have children, consider creating a family calendar and brainstorm ideas for personalizing each person’s contributions. Remember, it’s okay to change your mind and rework plans.