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It’s natural to have a lot of questions about whether children and teens should attend a memorial service and how they can be involved. Dougy Center's newest resource, "Tips for Supporting Children & Teens Through Memorial Services," helps answer some of these questions and gives a few ideas for how to support children and teens as they find their own way to honor the person who died.
PROVIDE CHOICES. When it comes to helping children and teens who are grieving, one of the most important things we can do is give them choices. This is especially true for things like funerals, memorial services, or celebrations of life. Having the chance to say goodbye in a way that feels right to them can be a meaningful experience.
SHOULD MY CHILD ATTEND? People often wonder how old a child should be to attend a service, but age isn’t actually the most important thing. What matters more is inviting them to go without making them feel like they have to. To make a choice, children and teens first need to know what to expect. Try to be as clear and honest as possible when explaining what will happen at the service. If you don’t have all the answers, that’s okay. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I’m not sure, but let’s try to find out together.”
HOW CAN CHILDREN AND TEENS BE INVOLVED? Many children and teens will have ideas and opinions on planning the event, and some will want to play a role. They might have suggestions for flowers, decorations, activities, music, readings, photos/videos, a drawing or piece of art they want to create, or something they’ve written that they’d like to read.
WHAT ABOUT AFTER THE EVENT? In the days and weeks after the service, try to find a moment to check in. You might ask how they’re feeling about everything now that it’s over. If they chose not to go, you can ask if there’s anything else they’d like to do now — maybe lighting a candle or drawing a picture — to say goodbye in their own way.
For more, download the Tip Sheet here.
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