News from Dougy Center, November 2024

Dougy Center's Pathways program marks 10 years of support

Ten years ago, Dougy Center launched its Pathways program for children, teens, and adults when a family member is living with an advanced serious illness.

Having a parent or sibling diagnosed with an advanced serious illness can affect everyone in the family. Children and teens, along with their adults, often feel confused, scared, and uncertain about what will happen and how their lives may change. Since 2014, Dougy Center has served thousands of families with resources and support during this difficult time.

Pathways in-person program consists of a group for children, a group for teens, a group for adult caregivers, and a group for adults with an advanced serious illness. All participants are also invited to share dinner together. Groups are ongoing and families can join any time. Like all of Dougy Center's grief support programs, Pathways is provided at no cost to families. While everyone’s experience is unique, participants tell us how helpful it is to be with people who are on a similar path. Through playing, talking, and listening, families often find understanding, connection, and community.

Through Pathways, Dougy Center has also developed several resources for children, teens, young adults, and parents and adult caregivers.

Family Ties Through An Advanced Serious Illness is a toolkit that includes four resources for families. Through activities, games, and practical information, Family Ties can help strengthen relationships, spark meaningful conversations, create lasting memories, and have fun too!

Dougy Center also has several free resources specifically for families living with an advanced serious illness in this Pathways online toolkit.

Find more information about Pathways here, or contact Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, M.A., Dougy Center's Pathways Program & Grief Services Coordinator.

Thank you to Cambia Health Foundation for their generous support of Pathways!

Flip the Script during Children's Grief Awareness Month this November

November is Children's Grief Awareness Month and Dougy Center is working to raise awareness of how grief impacts children and families, and what we can do to support them.

No matter how familiar you are with grief, it’s still hard to know what to say when a death occurs. It’s human nature to fall back on clichés and platitudes we’re used to hearing. And while these sentiments usually come from good intentions and a desire to comfort, there are some common responses that can miss the mark when someone is grieving.

All month long, Dougy Center is joining grief centers and partners across the nation to "Flip the Script." This social media campaign provides straightforward and helpful advice on how to support a child, teen, or adult who is grieving.

Learn more about Flip the Script and share messages to your social media. Find more here.

Grief support during the winter holidays

The pressures around the holidays can be challenging, and especially so after the death of a family member. Dougy Center's Tip Sheet and Holiday Plan Worksheet, now available in Spanish, can help provide support and guidance as you work through decisions on how to celebrate (or not) this upcoming winter holiday season.

Here are some tips for navigating this time of year:

Plan ahead. Wondering what the season is going to be like can sometimes be more intense than the actual holidays. Having a plan can lessen worries and concerns, especially for children. Once you’ve talked through what everyone’s hopes are and decided what you and your family have the capacity to do, share your decisions with friends and family.

Don’t let other people determine what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do. You don’t have to do what others think you should do or what you’ve always done. Give yourself and your children permission to keep, change, or start new traditions.

Accept limitations. You may not be able to or want to do all the things you’ve always done. Talk with your children about the aspects of the holidays that are the most meaningful and prioritize those.

Celebrate different feelings and preferences. Just like grief, everyone’s hopes and wishes for the holiday season can be different. Involve your children in discussions about what they would like to do and acknowledge how they might be similar and different. While you might not be able to honor everyone’s preferences, talking about them can help you better understand where everyone is coming from.

Be informed before attending events. Find out who will be there, how long it’s expected to last, and whether you need to do anything to prepare for it.

Ask for help, even when it’s hard to do. If it feels right, allow people to help in concrete ways such as cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping, childcare, and running errands. Sometimes we worry about burdening others, but often they are eager to help.

Take care of your physical body. The holidays can be physically and emotionally draining, especially if you’re grieving. Try to schedule time for rest, downtime for your children, and nutritious food/hydration for all of you.

Find ways to remember and honor the person who died. Here are some ideas to consider:

Light a memorial candle. Invite children and other friends/family to share memories.
Write a card or letter to the person who died.
Write memories on strips of paper and use them to create a paper chain.
Hang a special decoration in memory of the person.
Buy a gift the person would have liked and donate it to a cause important to them.
Set a special memorial place at the table during a holiday meal.
Cook the person’s favorite meal. Food can be a great starting point for sharing memories.

Find additional resources on grief during the holidays and other special days here.

dougy.org · help@dougy.org · 503.775.5683