Q: When my boyfriend and I have sex, it hurts. Is there something wrong with me?

A:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! 

• What you’re experiencing is completely valid and very normal. Everyone deserves to feel pleasure and safety while being intimate with your partner or yourself (whatever that looks like), no matter your gender or sexual orientation. Here are some guiding factors that have worked for me and others that I asked around about, hoping to provide you with the best advice possible. Our bodies are made up of countless complicated systems that unfortunately don’t always function exactly how we want them to. However, this does not mean that there is anything wrong with you; It is simply just a part of being human. Discomfort or pain is your body’s way of letting you know that a specific area needs your attention.
• Pain and discomfort during sex is very common. I, myself have experienced discomfort during sex from time to time. It is nothing to be ashamed of and the more we talk about our collective experiences, the less power shame and stigma has over us.

Speak with your partner about your pain!

• Experiencing pain during sex is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Engaging in sexual activity should always be a communal and pleasurable experience for all parties involved. Remember, people will not know what you want or how to help unless you share that with them. Letting your partner(s) in will allow you to approach this together. Also, penetration isn’t the only way to have sex. There are plenty of sexually creative activities that you can explore with your partner that will fit the desires and comforts of your sexual relationship. Things like mutual masturbation, or reading and/writing erotica together, watching each other flirt with strangers (if both parties are comfortable with this), or sexually creative date nights. Communicating with your partner about this means new, safe forms of intimacy and excitement for a future together with endless sexual possibilities.

Pain during sex is more common than you think!

• Pain during sex can also be due to vaginal or anal dryness. There are a variety of lubricants you can experiment with to see what works well for you. Vaginal dryness can also be the result of a lack of substantial foreplay. Additionally, alcohol can also play a role in vaginal dryness. 
• Just like bodies, penises and vaginas come in all different shapes and sizes. The length, girth, and curvature of a penis can affect how sex feels. Sometimes it is a good idea to ease your way into penetration with a finger or a dildo (either vaginally or anally). This will allow for your body to adjust to penis size in an effort to avoid pain during sex. Additionally, a diversity of penises and vaginas are the reason why certain sex positions might feel better than others; This goes for both vaginal and anal penetration. Try a series of different sex positions until you find the ones that work best for your body. Pain during sex could also be because of a tightness of your pelvic floor muscles. The pelvic floor muscles are located in between the tailbone and the pubic bone within the pelvis. When the body is aroused (as it is during sex), these muscles tense up causing them to tighten even more. This can result in pain and/or discomfort during sex. The pelvic floor muscles are also responsible for supporting the bowel and bladder in addition to the uterus and vagina. This explains why sometimes it is difficult to urinate after intercourse; The pelvic floor muscles are still tight. Stretching these muscles before and after sex could prove beneficial (even though stretching everyday is generally a good thing to do). Also, there are more professional treatments that you can pursue, like physical therapy with a pelvic floor expert and/or acupuncture if stretching is not enough.
• I also have experienced pain and discomfort during sex. With a little help from one of my best friends who has been dealing with tight pelvic floor muscles for most of her life, I was able to slightly alter my routine in order to include exercises that could help to alleviate my sex-related symptoms. My friend knows that I enjoy working out. She said that partaking in strenuous core exercises can cause the pelvic floor muscles to tighten, so I started religiously incorporating stretching exercises prior to and after my workouts. It turned out that my bestie was right! My workout regimen was responsible for the pain I was experiencing during sex. Stretching before and after workouts is a good rule of thumb anyway; however, perhaps stretching before and after sex will also prove to be beneficial.

Weed Workshop!

Thursday, April 6th from 4:30-6:30pm in Miller 205

Come learn about weed from your peer. There will be snacks and a raffle!

STI Trivia Night!

Thursday, April 13th from 5-7pm in JR Howard 202. Check out our instagram for more info!

Friendly competition, fun, and fantastic prizes! Join with your friends and take your sexducation for a test drive!

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