“Don’t throw away your suffering. Touch your suffering. Face it directly, and your joy will become deeper. You know that suffering and joy are both impermanent. Learn the art of cultivating joy. Practice like this, and you come to the third turning of the Third Noble Truth, the “Realization” that suffering and happiness are not two. When you reach this stage, your joy is no longer fragile. It is true joy.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching

I splurged this week, and bought a gently used gourmet coffee maker and it has brought me so much happiness. Matt, my barista, has been whipping me up a double Cappuchino "Matt's way" with a little sweetener and cinnamon every morning. I am spoiled!

Being a spiritual person, I look for meaning in the everyday, and in the big moments too. I have researched the spiritual meaning of injuring your heel bone, and it said "an inability to take a leap of faith or step forward". 

Sorry, that doesn't fit. 

Shit happens, and whether it's good or bad is up for debate. 

I am not usually prone to depression, but honestly, I am leaning towards that feeling. Getting out of bed is hard, and basic mobility is a chore. I'm not alone, and I don't want pity. I just want my freedom of movement back, and the ability to stand in the shower again, mingle at parties, not need help, and cook and wash dishes and stand and jump, and walk through the fields. 

But I am here. I thought it might be a good opportunity to look at the Kleshas (afflictions) and how they relate to my injury. 

According to yoga, there are 5 afflictions; that are the main source of suffering.

Ignorance, ego, attachments/clinging, aversion, and fear.

Ignorance- I can call this injury bad, but I'd be ignorant of the fact that there is goodness to be had, despite my injury. There have been many blessings, and only focusing on the difficulties, would be ignorant of me. 

Ego- My identity of mom, wife, teacher, dog mom is now being challenged. I cannot walk through the fields, keep house like I used too, teach and move and teach classes how my EGO would like to do. So I have to adjust. It is my bruised ego that hurts, and my perception of how I am supposed to turn out daily. That is suffering.

. 

Attachment/clinging- This relates to my expectations. I expected to be able to walk through my fields of joyous wonder during my favorite month, October. I am attached to this. Truly, I miss this the most, besides the act of walking without effort. When was the last time you practiced gratitude for walking? For standing? 

My attachment to how I was before the fall, causes me suffering. 

Aversion- I have said, in my dark moments, "I hate this!" What do I hate? Being disabled, being slow, being clumsy, being sad, being limited, hating my crutches, my inability to walk. I hate it. My aversion, causes me suffering. This comes with allowing myself to feel sad, angry, upset. There is no sugar coating this, but there are blessings all around. 

Fear- Here are a list of what if's..."What if I can't teach? What if my students don't want a disabled teacher? What if I am hobbled during my retreat to Guatemala? What if this takes 6 months to heal? What if I have a permanent limp?

My fear, is causing suffering. 

In spite of all this, and in between the suffering, I am meditating a lot, and what is coming is really amazing. I am being led to this remembering. We are children of the light, and I am a healer, and I am healing. I am here to share this light, to share the healing, and to remind you, that you are a healer also. We all are. Being grateful doesn't mean that we don't suffer, or have hardships. It means we are able to be in both, and endure both, and not get sucked into one way or the other, to learn balance, 

According to Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, "Face [suffering] directly, and your joy will become deeper. ...you come to the realization that suffering and happiness are not two". When you touch suffering mindfully, you also touch the sources of joy. 

So I am in the thick of it. I am aware of these things, and I am practicing gratitude. There are many gifts I am receiving. 

😁My friends have been attentive, and reaching out. 

😃My husband and kids are making me laugh (except when they don't) and doing the heavy lifting around the house.

☺️Several friends and neighbors brought dinner, and food for our pantry, and brought over water colors and painted with me! 

🙂My friends helped around the house with small tasks, that were hard for me. 

🥹At a party last night, my friends sat with me because I couldn't stand/walk, and it made me feel seen, and loved. 

If you are still reading, please hit the reply button! I'd love to hear from you. 

This week, I will be back for another week of movement classes. Yoga classes, is all about the second chakra, The sacral plexus. This chakra governs our creativity, sensual pleasures, sexuality, and emotions. The hips and low back will be key features. 

I'll be in class, will you?

I am getting a CT scan Monday. This will tell me if my heel bone is cracked, or not. 

Thank you for believing in me! 

See you this week. 

Cathy