Earnest Lawrence Thayer, an 1885 magna cum laude Harvard graduate, is the man responsible for Casey at the Bat, arguably the greatest sports poem of all time. If you would like a Casey refresher, please click this link. With apologies to Mr. Thayer, here is the updated version:
Casey at the Bridge
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the North Penn Four that day,
They were down by more than 20 IMPS with three boards left to play
Since Cooney missed a squeeze play and muffed a simple laydown,
The boys looked doomed with little hope of turning things around.
But Flynn then found a magic lead defeating three notrump,
And Blake, who overbid to slam, unearthed a way to triumph;
Would their team snatch victory with a single board to go?
Only Casey, mighty Casey, could strike that final blow!
There was ease in Casey’s manner as he viewed their 5♠ thing,
He sensed their bid was failing so his doubled for a swing;
His plan was ironclad, he thought, three tricks looked easy-peasy!
Just lead his singleton to start, then find partner’s entry.
When Casey led the ♦4, a slight smile did take root,
As East played his ♦3, suit preference for the club suit;
If partner held ♣King & Jack, could two ruffs be in place?
He’d win his trump Ace swiftly, then underlead his ♣Ace!
Little did Casey know that at the other table, too,
The contract was indeed the same but didn’t go down two;
Teammate Flynn took the diamond lead and led a trump forthwith,
He hoped they wouldn’t find their ruff, oh, such an optimist.
West hopped up with her trump Ace, as East signaled for a club,
But when West cashed her minor Ace, it was a major flub!
Declarer ruffed the 2nd club and quickly drew their trump,
North Penn’s team claimed 650, might it get them o’er the hump?
Back to Casey with his awesome plan, calm and never scared,
Forgetting that Ed Scissorhands was expertly prepared;
That fabulous declarer, always sensing what to do,
Best known as inventor of the so-called Scissorhands Coup!
Ed played dummy’s ♦10, overtaking with his King,
Knowing Casey held a singleton, he must prevent a swing;
His ♥Ace won the next trick and a club was quickly pitched,
As Casey’s smile narrowed, his moustache began to twitch.
Once Edward’s ♥Queen followed, Casey felt a bit of gloom,
He had to cover with his King, but sensed that he was doomed;
Scissorhands did not ruff the King(!), ‘twas just as Casey feared,
Instead Ed pitched the ♣Queen, and East’s entry disappeared!
Casey was despondent, communications had been cut,
His certain way to get his ruff had been completely shut!
No defense remained… 11 tricks would soon be coming,
Five spades doubled making, the result was quite alarming!
Victim of that splendid coup that made Edward quite renowned,
Casey realized all too soon his great plan had run aground;
His foes had notched a pushed board, was doubling too shortsighted?
Casey sensed, to his dismay, their comeback had subsided.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere there is laughter, and somewhere children sing,
But there is no joy in Bridgeville – mighty Casey missed his swing!
Postmort(po)em: While Casey’s tale is somewhat fictitious, this deal is actually from the final round of the King of Prussia Regional Top-Flight Dupli-Swiss (rotated so that South is declarer). Several defenders missed their chance to beat the doubled 5♠ contract, when, after the singleton diamond lead, the declarer immediately led a trump to West’s Ace as East signaled vehemently in clubs.
Despite being quite certain their partner held the ♣K and possibly the ♣J, too, several Wests chose to cash their ♣A first – and the contract could no longer be defeated. While those Wests had no way of knowing their partner’s hand included 7 clubs, leaving declarer just one, they overlooked the fact that if partner held the ♣K-J and declarer had at least 2 clubs, underleading the Ace might allow them to obtain 2 diamond ruffs to beat the contract by 2 tricks.
Of course declarer’s singleton club made Casey’s underlead plan mandatory, but Scissorhands’ coup rendered it irrelevant. To view his wonderful play you can click here and then continue to click the Next button.
You might have noticed that Edward Scissorhands, although an esteemed bridge expert, has some difficulty holding his cards. He especially loves Dupli-Swiss since it involves no shuffling and dealing. Years ago he tried his hands at poker and gin rummy, but whenever his opponents asked him to “cut the deck,” unfortunately, he did so literally!
As for his coup, he was not a happy person when it was renamed the Scissors Coup. Here’s what the Official ACBL Encyclopedia of Bridge (7th Edition) conveyed:
SCISSORS COUP. A play aimed at cutting the opponents’ communications, usually in order to prevent a ruff (in the past called, less descriptively, “the coup without a name”).
Surprisingly, there is no mention of Scissorhands whatsoever.
| 
