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The above auction was the same at both tables. In the “open barn”, it was the March Hare and JackRabbit (N-S) versus Morty and Myrtle. When the March Hare (North) jumped to 4♠, Myrtle (West) thought long and hard before doubling, and her cousin Morty pondered endlessly about pulling to 5♣, but finally passed. Myrtle tanked again before tabling the ♦J, a somewhat surprising lead.
The declarer was JackRabbit, a renowned bridge blowhard who is also well-known for playing his cards at lightning speed and drawing trumps quick as a bunny - so much so that many of his BBO admirers have begun calling him “JackRobot.” Warning: You may want to consider your own line of play before Jack races ahead.
Jack thought the doubled contract looked pretty easy. He was certain to lose 2 spades and a club, but he could ruff one losing club in dummy and pitch another on dummy’s high hearts. It was instantaneously clear he should win the ♦K and begin drawing trumps lickety-split. When he called for dummy’s ♠9, East showed out, pitching his ♣J to signal his club entry, and in a rare moment, Jack actually paused to take note before he played low and his LHO won with ♠K. Needless to say Myrtle took her dear sweet time before playing a 2nd diamond to her partner’s 10 and Jack’s Queen. Realizing the opening diamond lead was a doubleton, Jack still believed he had everything under control. Playing 3 rounds of hearts would allow him to pitch his last diamond before he led a club. He could always ruff high if East played a 3rd diamond since an overruff wouldn’t hurt him, and this line would ensure a club ruff before dummy’s trumps disappeared.
Of course his plan resulted in utter failure when Myrtle ruffed the 3rd heart and played a club to Morty’s Ace. Morty returned a diamond, Myrtle overruffed with her ♠A and delightedly exclaimed “Down 1 doubled plus 200!” much faster than you would imagine. Speed-ballers fans were crestfallen and blowhard Jack wasn’t exactly hopping down the bunny trail as he moved toward the Barnyard Bar’s after-party with his tail between his legs.
Several minutes later the “closed barn” reached the final board and the same doubled 4♠ contract. The Vugraph watchers knew that 10 tricks would mean victory for the Slow-Pokes, and their most competent declarer Tina Turtle was at the helm. Remarkably, the Speed-ballers’ West, Hare-ison Ford, chose the same lead of the ♦J - and then play came to a full stop. Tina went into huddle-mode, her neck and face disappearing into her shell. She believed the contract was fairly simple, but was it? The ♦J could not be a singleton since Hare-ison had bid 1NT over 1♠, but it sure seemed like a strange lead. Could it be a doubleton trying to score a ruff? Her turtle-instincts told her to play trump immediately but her turtle-brain said: “Sloooow down, Tina! How can we prevent a diamond ruff?”
And sloooow down she did – and the whole barnyard world waited for her next move with bated breath. Vugraph commentator Mister Ed (that famous TV horse, of course, of course) announced that only an immediate club play would give Tina a chance to make her contract. It would cut the opponents’ communications and it would also set up a club ruff in dummy. Tina slowly poked her head out and did indeed led dummy’s ♣9. Sloke-Pokes supporters went crazy, but the deal was far from over.
The Energizer Bunny (East) jumped up and down and immediately popped her Ace but resisted the temptation of trying to give her partner a diamond ruff. She knew darn well it was a doubleton. Instead she played a 2nd club forcing dummy to ruff. While Tina contemplated her next maneuver, Mister Ed advised the barnyard brood that the upcoming trick was crucial. “Tina will no doubt play a trump from the board, discovering the 4-0 break, but to beat the contract Hare-ison must in fact duck that trick! If he instead takes his Ace or King, he will have no winning defense!”
Mister Ed, who has almost as much bridge-sense as horse-sense, predicted that the impatient Hare-ison would grab the trick faster than Indiana Jones could snap a bullwhip. Sure enough, Hare-ison swiftly played the ♠K, followed by the Ace and another trump to prevent a 2nd club ruff in dummy. He hoped (in vain) that his partner’s red-suit holdings would prohibit Tina from pitching her 3rd club.
When Tina pulled Hare-ison’s final trump and produced both red Queens, she triumphantly claimed +790 and the Slow-Pokes fans slowly and steadily went wild. The 14 IMP swing on the final board was decisive: Slow-Pokes 82, Speed-ballers 79. The pedantically plodding snail-paced tortoise team had upset those haughty, hasty hares and captured the Old MacDonald Cup! E – I – E – I – O !
Did you bet on the Slow-Pokes? I’m ecstatic to say I did (no surprise to those who know me) and I also had the “over”, which was set at 149. The Slow-Pokes victory and high scoring final (161 total IMPS) will no doubt help pay my upcoming bridge fees.
Postmortem: Although no one except Wilbur was still listening, Mister Ed tried to explain that Hare-ison could have set the contract – and won the Cup – if he had just ducked the first spade lead. If Tina continued spades, Hare-ison could draw dummy’s trumps and cash the ♣K. Knowing that, Tina would instead have to ruff her last club in dummy before leading another trump. Unfortunately, that plan would not have worked either, since Hare-ison could force declarer by playing a club each time he got in with a high spade. To observe the winning defense in slow-motion, click here and then keep clicking “Next”.
Mister Ed’s Bridge Tip of the Day:
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