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The Latest Columns and Feature Articles
Mike Currotto's Medium Rare Drums - F. Baron snare drum, circa1930s

Classifieds: Slingerland Buddy Rich Signature Drum Set - Conway badge

Mint Condition circa 2000s Buddy Rich set being sold by Not So Modern Drummer in the Classifieds Forum. Click pic to see more of the drums. The Classifieds are a new feature. Please join the forum and help us get it started. There will be a lot of gear for sale there and you'll want to check it often.

Drum of the Day! Furcinitti French Oak Wine Barrel Snare

Reflections On Shelly Manne, Part 2 by David Barsalou

fixing bent rims
Repair Tips - Fixing Bent Rims by Ned Ingberman

Andy White's Beatles Drum Kit by Clive Edwards

Mike Clark's Words of Wisdom, Part 7 - by David Barsalou

Mike Clark and Paul Jackson - Funk Schoolin'
Mike Clark and Paul Jackson - Funk Schoolin'

And another Custom Drum of the Day! from Woods Custom Drums

Ludwig Super Classic drum set - by Phil Wilson

Gretsch/Jasper wood shells - by Keith Fisher

What's it worth? Blast from the past. Blue book values for Ludwig LM 400 Supraphonic snare drum

Gretsch Dorado! Ever heard of it? by George Lawrence

And now for some mean bass player jokes 
by George Lawrence

I found these over at "What? I don't hate bass players. Some of my best friends are bass players." :-)

***Shortly before a band began to play, they discovered their bass player was missing. After a short search, the guitar player found him in the back alley beating the heck out of some guy . .
Guitar Player: Sam, what are you doing?
Bass Player: This guy de-tuned one of my strings!
Guitar Player: Why are you beating him up?
Bass Player: He won't tell me which one. ***

***Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?"
Man #1: I was a doctor.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #2: I was a school teacher.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #3: I was a bass player.
St. P.: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen . ***

***Q. How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza. ***

***Q. Why don't bass players play hide and seek?
A. Because no one will look for them. ***

***Q. If a drummer and a bass guitarist caught a cab, which one would be the musician?
A. The cab driver.***
***Q. How do you know when a bass player is at the door trying to get in?
A. He keeps fumbling around trying to find the right key. ***

***Q. Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A. Even a virus has some pride. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six: One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he'll do it too loudly. ***

***Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.***

***Q. How many good bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one. But good luck trying to find him.***

***Q. Why is there so little solo repertoire for the string bass?
A. Misery loves company.***

***Q. How can you tell if there was a bass player at last week's session?
A. He's still there!***

***Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper?
A. An optimist.***

***Q. What does a bass player say when he gets to his gig?
A. "Would you like fries with that?"***

***Q. How do you keep a bass player in suspense?
A. ...................................***

***Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bass and doesn't.***

***Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed? ***

A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other. The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. He tried playing games. He tries tricking them. Nothing he does can get them to talk to each other. Finally, he pulls out an electric bass and starts playing a solo. Instantly, the couple turns to each other and start conversing for the first time in months. How on earth did you know that would work? they asked. Simple he says. Everyone always talks during bass solos.

***For three years, the young bass player had been taking his brief vacations at the same country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, the stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Darling, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well", she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a bass player."***

***A bass player was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The bass player took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"
The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said "Sure." The bass player guessed "You have 287 sheep," to the shepherd's astonishment, since this was exactly how many sheep he had. The bass player got all excited and asked "Can I pick out my sheep now?" and the shepherd grudgingly gave his permission. The bass player selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him.
The shepherd then asked "If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?" The bass player was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal. The shepherd then guessed "You're a bass player, aren't you?" The bass player was very surprised and asked, "How did you know?"
The shepherd responded, "Put the dog down and we'll talk about it."***

***A missionary goes to the most remote part of jungle. As soon as he arrives in the village he is to visit, he hears drums beating wildly in the distance. He asks the Chief what the drums mean. The Chiefs reply is "Drums play, good. Drums stop, bad." During the missionaries entire month long stay he frequently asks the Chief about the continuous drumming. The Chiefs reply is always the same. "Drums play good. Drums stop bad. Finally as the missionary is leaving he asks the Chief again about the drumming. The Chief says "Drums play, g..." "I know, I know" says the missionary. "Drums play, good. Drums stop, bad. But why is it bad when the drums stop?" The Chief shakes his head and says" Drums stop, bass solo. ***

***I recently was told I needed surgery on my hand, and I asked the doctor if after surgery I would be able to play the bass . "I'm operating on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy!" ***

***"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the bass after the operation?" "Yes, of course..." Great! I never could before!" ***

(Why all the jokes? Well, since I went with mostly images in this newsletter, there was not a good enough text to images ratio to pass most spam filters. So to make that ratio kosher, I decided to use bass player jokes instead of Pig Latin. Since most players can't read, they wouldn't know the difference. Haw Haw!!!  If you have any great mean bass player jokes, please send them in - or any mean musician jokes of any kind, except drummer jokes (yawn!). thanks - the edtior)

and now for bass players who don't read English here is the translation in bass gibberish:

Lorem ipsum dololit. Proin quis velit tortor. Integer varius sapien nec lectus efficitur accumsan. Donec mollis mollis neque eget faucibus. Nullam ex ligula, semper vel purus sit amet, maximus blandit metus. Nullam vestibulum sapien purus, sed porttitor sem dapibus at. Morbi vitae quam ac ex luctus suscipit id quis felis. Donec egestas augue tortor, sit amet gravida orci malesuada non. Sed egestas, odio a accumsan commodo, leo purus rutrum dolor, quis commodo augue nisl eu nulla. Fusce congue pharetra venenatis. Aliquam non dui justo. Nulla finibus mi sed placerat rutrum. Fusce lorem velit, dictum nec justo et, dictum tincidunt elit. Maecenas egestas sed nunc et maximus. Nulla finibus, dolor ut scelerisque fermentum, arcu nunc volutpat massa, sit amet vehicula nisl mi sed justo.
Mauris placerat, nunc volutpat aliquet maximus, mi nisl fermentum nibh, a mollis nulla massa pharetra tellus. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. In facilisis in augue ac ullamcorper. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Sed tincidunt maximus nibh eget pretium. Integer odio nunc, ultrices ut risus sed, elementum porta mauris. Curabitur dapibus quis velit ac sollicitudin. Mauris purus nulla, dapibus et ultricies vitae, suscipit nec dolor. Suspendisse gravida sit amet tortor ut dapibus. Mauris quis eleifend purus. Nullam cursus feugiat pharetra. Vivamus mattis augue ut posuere molestie. Phasellus sapien tortor, vulputate eget nulla nec, ullamcorper aliquet ligula. Mauris sed metus sit amet metus faucibus pharetra a ut erat. Sed in mattis enim, eget blandit nisl.
Suspendisse volutpat vestibulum commodo. Donec vehicula scelerisque posuere. Proin condimentum ullamcorper dolor ut sodales. Mauris semper ipsum at congue imperdiet. Etiam aliquet est vel mi ornare condimentum. Nam eros nulla, lacinia ullamcorper justo non, semper molestie lacus. Praesent vitae massa eu arcu tincidunt suscipit. Sed id mattis est. In ultricies metus eu nunc venenatis congue. Quisque vulputate, justo vitae eleifend commodo, massa odio faucibus ex, non tristique diam purus at leo. Proin tristique velit nunc, sit amet dictum tellus interdum ut. Fusce consequat metus et felis consequat pharetra. Proin quis egestas tortor, ut ornare felis. Aliquam id molestie massa. In sem metus, interdum ut sagittis et, lobortis vitae nulla.
In faucibus velit ac blandit auctor. Ut ut velit tortor. In tincidunt sapien ut velit pellentesque posuere. Duis laoreet vitae libero non viverra. Duis porta cursus eros, at ullamcorper lorem bibendum et. Donec a massa magna. Maecenas sed rutrum tortor. Duis in pharetra nisl. Suspendisse quam ligula, laoreet in velit quis, eleifend commodo quam. Proin consequat nulla convallis, sollicitudin ligula et, dictum arcu. Donec eget nisi quis massa mattis iaculis. Vestibulum elit sapien, posuere quis elit sit amet, consectetur ultricies massa. Maecenas odio ex, malesuada ac mollis eu, laoreet consectetur lacus. Ut condimentum hendrerit malesuada.
Praesent mattis risus a faucibus sagittis. Phasellus nisi dui, gravida vel facilisis vitae, sodales scelerisque augue. Quisque diam purus, porttitor vel elementum vel, pellentesque id metus. Phasellus feugiat, felis eget cursus scelerisque, lectus velit sagittis lorem, in dapibus purus enim sed urna. In molestie velit diam, at convallis tortor accumsan ullamcorper. Suspendisse in arcu urna. Nam ac nunc vel dolor suscipit blandit. Nunc mollis efficitur libero, quis finibus nisi rhoncus vitae. Quisque a volutpat nulla. Nunc non neque dolor. Plus tax.

October 2015 Issue
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