Dragons and other Important Contemplations



This is the Chinese Lunar New Year (February 10, 2024), and the animal chosen from the Chinese zodiac to preside over 2024 is the wood dragon. According to Google, the wood dragon is “intelligent, attractive, and universally liked.”


We could use some good news as the state of the world is hardly settling on coexistence.

 

Maybe this topic is not something we want to think about on Chinese New Year, but the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNDOC) released its report on worldwide homicide (Global Study on Homicide, 2023). The United Nations has a laudable agenda to reduce the worldwide homicide rate in half by 2030. The data include all forms of intentional homicide including armed conflict in wars, however, “globally, intentional homicides contribute to a significantly higher number of deaths than conflict-related and terrorist killings combined” (Global Study on Homicide, 2023. p. 30). Wow!


Although 95% of all homicides are perpetrated by men (UNODC, 2013), boys and men are the greatest targets for intentional homicides worldwide (80%; UNODC, 2023). Women and girls are also targets with 56% of all female homicides perpetrated by intimate partners or family members (Global Study on Homicide, 2023).


Homicide is a multiply-determined problem which has been associated with economics, power dynamics, firearm availability, mental health, drugs and alcohol, the pandemic, global warming, unemployment, and others. But do we have to continue to solve problems this way?


If we look at Reid Meloy’s forensic work with violent offenders (Violent Attachments, 1992), the early attachment relationship and its resulting personality organization clearly points to a ‘start point’ of where to look to understand violence. But then this would fall into the micro level of mental health issues. Konner (Women after All, 2015) on the other hand takes a macro level look at evolutionary processes and points out that the burial evidence for homicide dates back only 27,000 years. “Early farming and herding cultures were almost certainly patriarchal [and] relations between men and women were structured by separation of the sexes that assigned public roles to men and private ones to women” (Konner, 2015, pp. 154-155). This of course would naturally lead to male coalitions where “men killed men and seized women or enslaved both” (Konner, p. 155). This is our past and for many, still the present. It appears that violence became a powerful commodity.

 

The younger generation is significantly challenging traditional gender roles and rebelling against a too limited understanding of maleness and femalenss, at least in first world societies. We can see the evolutionary roots even in our not so distance past. In my parents' time, men were providers whose earnings supported a family, while women were the caregivers of the children and the home. Then WWII came, and many women went into the workforce while men fought in the war.

 

Currently, there is a strong trend towards both men and women working and taking care of their children and their home. Men are diapering, feeding, and taking their kids to the doctor, just as are women. In many families, partners divide tasks so that both parents have a modicum of space, health, and adult time to grow and develop. This has allowed women to develop their adult selves, and men to develop their nurturing selves, paving the way for a more organic, dynamic family with equal (but different) power relationships that can create the flexibility needed to accommodate adult development. If there is love and commitment and some strategic scheduling, we have nothing sexier on the planet. I vote for this model. It is more balanced and perhaps has the ingredients for a reduction in violence. Cultures and religions of course play an enormous role in whether this change becomes more commonplace.


We are really pushing against our past.

 

Life learns from pushing against narrow limits. This is how evolution works. Babies are born when the space is too small, and they need a bigger world. Each developmental stage gives way to more space to grow. Much of the conflict and violence we are seeing today, in my opinion, is the push against grossly outdated concepts that are limiting growth and development.


We need a change.


I believe we are going to see a tremendous change occur when us v. them organizing concepts give way to acceptance of difference. If there is a worry here, acceptance of difference doesn't mean we will become passive bystanders as we still have strong biological instincts to protect. Acceptance of difference however does require enormous stretching of the mind that is hard work. But to do the work may mean we will live in a safer, more interesting, and exotic world. What we can do now during this momentous evolutionary change in consciousness is join into the celebrations of other cultures...and we can share our cultural foods. This might be a lovely way to experience that We humans have common delights.


but note...

 

Dragons often emerge out of nothingness, and quite suddenly too, when what no longer serves begins to look like stone...it is useless to rail against them as they will insist on freedom, and their authority is absolute.


We, and all of our Children need this.



The photo depicts a Dragon lantern reflecting over the frozen Lake Houhai in Beijing, China --The Associated Press.


NCAR is delighted to bring a bit of our world to others and is sending Notes on a monthly basis. Each Note will focus on some aspect on the Neuroscience of Attachment that applies to all of us and is the specialization of NCAR. Notes build on each other and involve key concepts in Integrative Regulation Therapy (iRT: Newton, 2009-2024), a neurobiological subcortical scaffolding for depth therapies. Feel free to forward to others.


“A dragon is not a slave.”


― Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones' character,

created by George R. R. Martin, novelist, screenwriter



The best of living to you,


Ruth Newton

NCAR's Vision

That all children feel known, loved, valued, and guided by secure, conscious, and loving parents who strive to live an authentic life that supports a civilized world.


NCAR's Mission

To promote emotional security, growth, and happiness in children, adults, couples, and families.


Copyright © 2024 Ruth P. Newton

Newton Center for Affect Regulation (NCAR)

1545 Hotel Circle South, Suite 280

San Diego, CA 92108

619 782-9477

www.newton-center.com

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