In a Pinch
In-a-Pinch generally means making do with what we have if no other options are available. This is often seen in cooking. When surprised to be out of an essential ingredient midway into a recipe, we might google to see what a good substitute would be. For example, when finding no eggs for a cake that was well on its way to being baked, I googled to see if there were any substitutes for eggs. One teaspoon of baking soda with one tablespoon of vinegar was recommended or using ¼ cup of applesauce or ¼ cup of yogurt as substitutes. This was a little over the top for me, so I went to the store and bought eggs!
But moving on...
When it comes to raising children, parents have to make due with what they have, which includes monetary resources of course, but more importantly, the resource of time parents have available to be with children. In terms of monetary resources, in-a-pinch decisions can often be the most fun for children because of the novelty. For example, my paternal grandmother lived on a farm with no inside bathroom or shower. When we visited, we were put in a huge outside vat (that she normally used to make soap) that had a small fire set under it to warm the water. Although somewhat apprehensive, in we went with grandma scrubbing us down laughing (with me, the oldest, looking around for our mother to see if this was really okay). But once we got over how this all looked, it was fun. Although grandma ‘made do’ with what she had to bathe kids, it was her joining in on the novelty that allowed us to create all kinds of stories about ‘cooked children.’
Many parents have discovered that often the most creative toy for children is a large empty box.
What can be difficult for children is to have every toy known to humankind (or social media platforms for the older child) without relational/parental interactions. Although the toys may captivate the child’s creativity initially, it tends not to last long because children need the relational interactions of others to support their play. Even older children who spend their time on video games will attempt to connect with the unknown others playing the same game. In our time, connecting with unknown others on media platforms has considerable risk.
Because the natural movement of development (at all ages) is to move out to explore or 'do' only then to return for relational 'fill-ups' and rest, parental time with children is critical. John Bowlby, the Robertsons, Mary Ainsworth and her students particuarly Mary Main, Alicia Lieberman, and Bob Marvin all have stressed the importance of returning to the attachment base for emotional checkins. This requires parental availability and the resource of...
Time
In-a-pinch parenting is commonly found in families when both parents or single parents have intense jobs with high expectations creating conflict between the parent’s desire to ‘be there’ for their children and the responsibilities expected of them at work. This difficulty often leads to the parent feeling guilty that they are not doing/giving enough to their children, but it also leads to the not well revealed longings many parents have to be wth their children.
Parents working in companies who do not make room for work-life balance (even if the company verbalizes its awareness of the need) might be at risk for burnout as an ongoing conflict of this nature will generally deplete the parent’s energy. Burnout syndrome has been defined as a "combination of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment caused by chronic occupational stress," that some authors connect to depression (Binchi, Schonfeld, & Laurent, 2015). In an interesting article published in Forbes, Maura Thomas (2022) points out that “leaders can’t give their employees work-life balance. Each person has to decide for themselves whether they will take it. But a major consideration in their decision is how their work-life balance will affect their career and how they are perceived in the organization.”
I fantasize about a wave of employees with children (not just young children but any aged developing child) rising up together to insist that employers provide room in their work days (without retribution) for the care of their personal lives when needed. If we have learned anything from the pandemic, it is there is no one right way to work.
Of course, I'm partial to companies who take work-life balance seriously especially when employees are parents with young children. But the best resolutions I have seen are when parents have a clear boundary around work responsibilities so that when they are home, work does not seep in. Building in playdates for their children, attending school celebrations, establishing healthy routines at home as best as possible, and regularly engaging with children generally is good enough to nurture both parents and children in today's working parent world.
Important Post Script: Playing with children means we entered into the child’s right-brain world, which is good for all of us as long as we don’t have half our mind (think left brain) spinning out on some other pending issue...which children notice and feel anyway and then we get...Look, look Mom/Dad, look here Mom/Dad...Mom/Dad, see Mom/Dad...on a continuous loop!
We, and all of our Children need this.
The photo depicts a giant clothespin in Liege, Belgium designed by Turkish artist Mehmet Ali Uysal.
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