** From The Positive Perspective **
November, 2021 Doing Our Best

As the holidays get closer and things get busier, it is important to remember that we are all doing our best to make every day special. Things may be different for some reason this holiday season and our families need to make adjustments to what was done last year. Change is hard. Very few people like change. But while everything may not be perfect, is everyone doing their best to make the holidays as enjoyable as they can be? I hope so. We may be quick to judge or quick to get angry, but please pause. Life is too short to stay angry or hold a grudge. We need to be able to say our peace and speak our mind, but we need to do it with respect and love. 

Following is an excerpt from an article on the Mayo Clinic website about holiday stress and tips on how to work though that stress with grace. Know that as we work on these things, we are doing our best.

Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping
Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Being realistic, planning ahead and seeking support can help ward off stress and depression.

The holiday season often brings unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it's no wonder. The holidays often present a dizzying array of demands — cooking meals, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining, to name just a few. And if coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) is spreading in your community, you may be feeling additional stress, or you may be worrying about your and your loved ones' health. You may also feel stressed, sad or anxious because your holiday plans may look different during the COVID-19 pandemic.
But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression
When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

1.     Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones for other reasons, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.

2.    Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events or communities. Many may have websites, online support groups, social media sites or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship.

If you're feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, a call or a video chat.

Volunteering your time or doing something to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. For example, consider dropping off a meal and dessert at a friend's home during the holidays.

3.    Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children or other relatives can't come to your home, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos. Or meet virtually on a video call. Even though your holiday plans may look different this year, you can find ways to celebrate.

4.    Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.

5.    Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts.
Try these alternatives:
o  Donate to a charity in someone's name.
o  Give homemade gifts.
o  Start a family gift exchange.

6.    Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, connecting with friends and other activities. Consider whether you can shop online for any of your items. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for meal prep and cleanup.

7.     Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.

8.    Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.
Try these suggestions:
o  Have a healthy snack before holiday meals so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.
o  Eat healthy meals.
o  Get plenty of sleep.
o  Include regular physical activity in your daily routine.
o  Try deep-breathing exercises, meditation or yoga.
o  Avoid excessive tobacco, alcohol and drug use.
o  Be aware of how the information culture can produce undue stress, and adjust the time you spend reading news and social media as you see fit.
 
9.    Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Find an activity you enjoy. Take a break by yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
Some options may include:
o  Taking a walk at night and stargazing
o  Listening to soothing music
o  Reading a book

10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Take control of the holidays
Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.
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I hope the article is helpful and allows you to do your best with what you have. You are all special and valuable in your own way. 

Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to be thankful for today, for we may not have a tomorrow.

I will talk to you again in December.

Please pass this newsletter on to someone you think may benefit from it's content.

Stay well,

Maryellen Dabal, MA, LMFT
817-876-9958
www.dabalmft.com
maryellen@dabalmft.com
Quote of the Month

 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― by Viktor E. Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and author of Man’s Search for Meaning.


Fact of the Month

The woman behind "Mary Had a Little Lamb" is also responsible for Thanksgiving's recognition as a national holiday.

Writer and editor Sarah Josepha Hale convinced President Abraham Lincoln to officially declare Thanksgiving a national holiday, after three decades of persistent lobbying. The author also founded the American Ladies Magazine, which promoted women's issues long before suffrage. She wrote countless articles and letters, advocating for Thanksgiving to help unify the Northern and Southern states amid gathering divisions. Hale kept at it, even after the Civil War broke out, and Lincoln actually wrote the proclamation just a week after her last letter in 1863, earning her the name the Mother of Thanksgiving.

Source: www.goodhousekeeping.com


You're worth the effort!!!!
I welcome the opportunity to help you work through current issues and to look at your future with a sense of hope and purpose.
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Feedback
I welcome feedback regarding the newsletter or questions about my practice. I can be reached at maryellen@dabalmft.com. I cannot, however, give advice through email. For more information on my practice please visit www.dabalmft.com

I wish you well...