November 2021 MV Mediation Newsletter

Please accept our apologies if this reaches you in error––we may have included emails that did not sign up for the newsletter. If you do not want to be on the newsletter mailing list send us an email or use the unsubscribe feature. Thanks.

November 2021

MV Mediation Program

We Can Work It Out!

MEDIATION MUSINGS

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

Celebrating light is the theme for November and December holidays across the world. The Hindu festival of Divali was celebrated last week with the lighting of candles to wish one another good luck, riches, and generosity. As the waning light of the sun in the Northeast US is heading us toward the shortest day of the year, many light candles and install lighting displays to brighten our lives and the lives of those around us.

Conflict resolution is meant to bring light into a process which is otherwise murky and dim. During this time of year when all of us––family and friends, coworkers and neighbors––are in need of more light, you may need to call on a neutral facilitator––a mediator––to help you to guide the conversation toward resolution. We are here to help with that.

A mediator is not always what is needed or available in order to bring light into a situation. You can bring the light, yourself. Here are 10 tried and true tips to help to resolve conflicts on your own. 10 ways to resolve a conflict yourself

Conflict Coaching Can Bring the Light

Another way to bring light into dilemmas is to work with a conflict coach. Conflict coaches are kind, intuitive, and good listeners who can help you clarify your approach to conflict. When folks come to conflict coaching they are looking for a trained coach to help them think things through and make a reasonable plan to handle a conflict. We have had tremendous success with helping conflict coaching clients.

At the end of the process the conflict coaches ask, "Did you find any pearls throughout this process?" Participants’ eyes light up when we ask this. In every case, clients have come up with a new learning or concept to guide them in the future. "I had an epiphany!" said one conflict coaching participant. "I know what I have to change!" Learning is like light: it helps us to see through the shadows and brings clarity.

More Light

I guess it's trite to say that the light of one candle can pierce the darkness. Trite but true. As more people begin to look at their own responses to conflict, more enlightened practices can take hold. I think of all those people in audiences holding up their lights in the dark. Be the first to shine your light; others will follow and learn from you.

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

After months of delay due to the pandemic, MV Mediation’s Re-Entry group was able to participate in a four-day Re-entry training given by Community Mediation Maryland in partnership with the Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration.

Re-entry mediation provides an opportunity for an incarcerated individual to meet with family members or others. With the help of a non-judgmental mediator, they can meet before release to have an open, honest, and often difficult dialogue. These conversations serve to provide an opportunity to plan for the transition back into the community.

MV Mediation is looking forward to working with both pre-release and post-release individuals and their families to help promote a positive transition for all. If you know of someone who could make use of this service please send them our way.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2999

Become Part of the MV Mediation Learning Community

Part 2 of our Introduction to Mediation course begins on December 6. This set of six classes focuses on the dilemmas and challenges that come up during mediation and is designed to deepen student mediators’ understanding of the practice of mediation. Topics are: mitigating impasse, biases and diversity, understanding emotions and neuroscience, power imbalances, ethical challenges, and note taking/agreement writing.

This course is 15 hours of class time with independent work between classes. Any trained or partially trained mediator is welcome to attend single classes or the whole course. This is the second segment of three toward becoming qualified in Massachusetts as a mediator.

The Way Out by Peter T. Coleman is our current book club read. Reading and discussion sessions are taking place every Thursday noon -1pm in November and December. It is not too late to join! We are staying put in chapter two for the next few months. If you would like a PDF of chapters one and two, please contact us at info@mvmediation.org to join us.

Here is a public presentation from Harvard Law you may want to access Coleman Friday December 17 noon-1pm.

Click here to read our 2021 Annual Report.

Parent Mediation Program––

Divorce & Conflict Resolution

Are you having trouble handling conflict at home? We can provide mediation or conflict coaching through phone or video conference. We have mediators with child development experience and can consider parent–teen mediation sessions based upon your circumstances.

If you are looking for us to help you to recalculate your child support, you should know the Massachusetts Child Support guidelines have been updated and there is a new calculator as of October 2, 2021.

If you need help talking with your spouse or partner, we are part of the Statewide Parent Mediation Program (PMP) providing parents––married, unmarried, divorced, or separated––with up to four hours of free mediation. MVMP Family and Divorce mediators can provide you with mediation sessions to discuss parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication, or to renegotiate existing plans. Please contact the office to schedule an intake call. We are here to help.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2999

Conflict Coaching can help you or someone you know

It is not therapy. It is not advice or consultation. So what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and coach working collaboratively to deconstruct a specific conflict. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. The client finishes with a plan for going forward with their life. Our form of Conflict Coaching is called CLAMSHELL; the coaches follow a research-based protocol with specific steps that are explained by the CLAMSHELL mnemonic.

We are all swimming in conflict. Every day is filled with conflicts big and small. All kinds of concerns bring clients to us for coaching. For example:

Internal conflict: Should I do this or not?
External conflict: We keep getting in the same argument all the time.
Workplace conflict: I'm not being valued at the level I want to be.
Relationship conflict: We need a new way to try to talk to each other.

Those who go through coaching report making significant breakthroughs and have learned to use new conflict resolution tools. Our coaches can take on more cases than we have. Would you tell those you know about this service? We are here to help.info@mvmediation.org 508 693-2999

Juventude na Ilha––Youth Mediation

PESQUISA––SURVEY

Você poderia ajudar com o nosso programa para jovens na ilha? Envie essa pesquisa para jovens entre 13 a 22 anos ou adultos que trabalhem com jovens. Nós precisamos de informação sobre problemas que afetam os jovens em Martha’s Vineyard para podermos ajudá-los.

Would you please help our Youth Program? Send any young person between 13 and 22 or any adult who works with youth to our survey. We would like to have a broad cross-section of responses as we seek to understand the conflict landscape for young people here on the Island.

Survey here––Pesquisa Clique aqui

Email your survey to Katie Ruppel, our Youth Mediation Coordinator at mvyouthmediation@gmail.com or call 505-693-2999

YOUTH on MV

This month we joined seven other island organizations at the Teen Health Fair organized by the Island Wide Youth Collaborative. We were grateful to have conflict resolution skills included in the greater context of what it means to be healthy. We also recruited a few teens for our next Peer Mediation training!

Do you have a young person in mind who would want to improve their active listening skills, deepen their capacity for empathy, and help others to solve problems? If so, they would be a perfect candidate for becoming a Peer Mediator. Be in touch with Katie, our youth coordinator, at mvyouthmediation@gmail.com to learn more.

Outreach to the Brazilian and Portuguese-Speaking Community

Nós Podemos Ajudar Você

Our services are available for those from Dukes and Bristol Counties who speak Portuguese. Please reach out to us if we can help you with housing, family, neighbor, or community disputes.

Nossos serviços estão disponíveis em português para os residentes em Dukes e Bristol County. Entre em contato conosco se voce necessita de ajuda com conflitos em casos de moradia, família, disputas com vizinhos, trabalho, e na comunidade.

Telefone (508) 693-2199 ou email admin@mvmediation.org

RAFT /ERAP––HOUSING PROGRAM

We are actively providing free mediation for housing cases in Dukes County, Barnstable County and Bristol County as part of the Eviction Diversion Initiative. If you are facing housing instability and can’t make your rent payments, contact us for information about the RAFT program. For more information email admin@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2199

MV Mediation is proud to have sponsored the recent Voices From the Housing Crisis published by the MV Times. Read here to learn about the human impact of the housing crisis here on Martha's Vineyard. A place that for many is a summer paradise has become a housing nightmare.

Voices from the Housing Crisis on Martha's Vineyard

MEDIATORS' CORNER

Check-in every Wednesday at 4 p.m. to discuss aspects of conflict resolution in our community. Contact info@mvmediation.org to join us by Zoom. Mediators and coaches, look for a survey that is being sent out next week to your email about mediator check-ins.

11.17.21 No mediator check-in––sorry, staff otherwise engaged
11.24.21 In-person open house!––come pick up your mug, certificates, and MV Mediation packet any time from 1 pm to 5 pm. Light refreshments served.
12.1.21 Trauma and mediation––on how we can become more trauma informed
12.8.21 Mediators’ mini-lectures––preparing for longer statements in mediation
12.15.21 Research about the public’s knowledge of alternative dispute resolution

Role-plays for training mediators are up and going, most weeks Monday late afternoon/evening or Thursday mornings. Contact us at info@mvmediation.org to schedule a session.

BOARD CORNER

The October Board of Directors meeting focused on our four SMART goals for fiscal year 2022. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound. One of our SMART goals is to deepen our commitment to diversity in our organization. Below is the continuum we are using to measure ourselves and align our thinking as an organization to become the most equitable organization we can be. November’s Board returns to this continuum to measure our daily actions and approaches against the rubric for each stage.

Race, Equity & Inclusion Organizational Culture Continuum:

Exclusionary > Club > Compliance > Affirming > Redefining > Equitable & Inclusive

As we deepen our understanding of anti-racist practices, we are working to improve our use of language. Take a look to learn about commonly used terms that have racist beginnings. text

MV Mediation Needs Your Financial Contribution

If you can help, we really appreciate your generosity. This year our focus is to increase our budget for our housing mediation program and youth program and to help support the many courses and workshops we teach.

Housing: Our housing mediation office is open full time, with Paula Reidbord as the coordinator, and can provide support––in English and Portuguese––for tenants and landlords in need of mediation, conflict coaching, financial conflict coaching, and housing financial application assistance. Our grant funding covers 90% of the costs; please help us to make up the difference.
Youth: We have hired a 3/5-time Youth Coordinator, Katie Ruppel, who is in the process of working across the Island to uncover the conflict resolution needs of young people. We seek donations to help to provide food (pizza!) and printed materials to help support our work with youth.
Course: We hold eight courses during the fiscal year and invite those from under-represented groups to apply for scholarships. Please help us to replenish these funds, since we have expended all of our scholarship funds already this fiscal year.

DONATE HERE

We are Active on Social Media

If you have a Facebook, Instagram or Linked-In account, would you link to our account and make comments, forward or like our posts? This is a helpful way to lend support to MV Mediation. Thanks!

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Why I Mediate:

For nearly three decades, I have been running or overseeing mediation programs. I believe in the process and value the concept of assisting people in finding their own resolutions to disputes. I was inspired to join the roster of mediators to assist with the housing mediation program supported by the Martha’s Vineyard Mediation Program. These will be complex and emotional matters and I felt moved to help parties create outcomes that are practical during this time of great financial and personal strain. The weekly work with this cohort of individuals from vastly diverse backgrounds has motivated me. I’m moving forward with confidence that the MVMP program will be carried out compassionately by high-quality volunteers with a genuine desire to help our community.

––Kenneth Andrichik

MVMP Board Treasurer