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November 1, 2024
Dear D101,
With November’s chill in the air, I find myself reflecting on the past year. It’s incredible how many moments this year has brought that I am profoundly grateful for, but one of the most meaningful lessons has been around effective communication. You’d think after years in Toastmasters, I’d have mastered this by now! But this year offered me a fresh perspective.
As District Director, I often find myself in situations where I need to give feedback—sometimes hard feedback—to my teammates. Early on, I approached these moments with hesitancy, wanting to be honest but also wary of discouraging them. And then, I thought back to a time when I was on the receiving end of feedback as a speaker.
I had signed up to speak at my club, but it turned out to be one of those weeks where work, life, and everything in between took over. I barely had a chance to rehearse. Part of me wanted to back out, but I felt I had a responsibility to my commitment. As I spoke, I knew it wasn’t my best. My mind was full of critiques, even as I spoke. Afterward, I was ready for my evaluator to confirm all my assumptions.
But he surprised me. His evaluation didn’t dwell on my flaws. Instead, he highlighted what I had done well - things I hadn’t even noticed myself. He acknowledged my preparation under difficult circumstances, then offered a few tips on how I could ease my nerves on stage in the future. His words lifted me up in a way I hadn’t anticipated, encouraging me to see my strengths rather than just my shortcomings.
After the meeting, I thanked him, confessing how disappointed I’d been with my performance. He looked at me and said something that has stayed with me ever since: “If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be in Toastmasters. My role isn’t to point out every flaw, but to remind you of your growth and challenge you to keep improving. Feedback is about showing up with kindness and being part of someone’s journey.”
That experience taught me something profound about feedback—it’s not merely about critique, but about balanced encouragement. Since then, anytime I have been approached for feedback, I ensure it is a blend of honest acknowledgment and thoughtful suggestions. As Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
In this month of gratitude, I invite each of you to keep kindness at the forefront of your words and actions. Let’s practice thoughtful communication—with fellow Toastmasters, with family, and even with those whose perspectives differ from ours. This is how we build the community we want to be a part of.
As we enter this season of reflection, I would love to hear what you’re grateful for. Let’s share your stories and celebrate the moments that have shaped us this year.
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