Mediation Musings 

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

The pitcher cries for water to carry and a person for work that is real. ––from Marge Piercy, To Be of Use

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I retired from the school system in 2012 with a plan to stay busy and active, but after a couple of years found I was definitely not busy enough. I was missing having a job.

In 2015 I joined Martha’s Vineyard Mediation as a volunteer, then, in time, became an instructor, then Lead Mediator, then President of the Board of Directors, and then Co-director, and am now Executive Director. My experience running organizations and projects, teaching, writing, and budgeting has been needed. The decades of involvement in the conflict resolution world found a place to root. MVMP has been a place to be of use.

It was heartening to realize I could make use of my skill sets. Compared to that in the school system, the work at MVMP was leisurely and friendly; the team is committed and forthright. I remember reporting to my family during the holidays in 2019 that, yes I was working full time for the mediation program, yes I was not being paid, and yes I was very happy. 

It is ten years after my first retirement. Retiring and not being exhausted, as I was ten years ago, is a great thing. I’m eager to meet our new Executive Director and hopeful that the transition period goes smoothly. I still tremendously love the work we do here at MV Mediation––our organization is robust and we anticipate continuing to grow and improve. Our mission, to serve our community, and our vision, to create an island of conflict resolvers, act as a guiding light.

It is time to hand over the leadership steering wheel. Thanks to a supportive Board of Directors, I will be able to provide coaching, support, and training with my successor during fiscal year 2023–24 and thereafter continue to offer my support as lead mediator and course instructor for as long as my services are helpful. I am grateful to have this transition so well thought out by the Board. It is a good thing to be of use; I hope to help another leader to plant themself right here. To be of use.

Here is a longer version of Mediation Musings with a copy of Marge Piercy’s poem

Do you know someone who you think should apply for the Executive Director position? Here is the posting and here is the letter from the Board of Directors.

MV Mediation Needs Your Financial Contribution

Thanks to all our donors. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

DONATE HERE

Here’s our annual appeal letter.

Featured Service:

Housing Mediation Program

Eviction Diversion Program and Home Sharing Pilot Program

MV Mediation is part of the State of Massachusetts Eviction Diversion Initiative-EDI. Our Housing Program provides free mediation services in summary process or eviction cases and other housing matters in Dukes, Bristol, and Barnstable Counties.

Our goal is to assist both parties in finding a resolution and at the same time avoid the tarnishing and financial consequences of an eviction for both tenants and landlords.

While mediation is our best tool to assist with any housing dispute, we also provide the parties with information about legal and financial assistance that could be instrumental in helping the parties with moving on with their lives.

Also, the MV Housing Program has recently joined Healthy Aging with facilitation services in the Home Sharing Pilot Program on Martha’s Vineyard. We help potential hosts and guests come to an agreement on how to share a living space.

Do you have some New Year's resolutions? Here are some ideas for you:

• 10 ways to resolve a conflict
• 35 ways to live differently
• 33 emotional intelligence skills
• 4 steps to undoing our sense of shame
• Give yourself a break, everyone is exhausted

Upcoming Courses

People who take our courses say that their lives are improved. Whether the Workplace Conflict cohort, Introduction to Mediation, or Conflict Management Essentials, our courses are designed to help you understand how conflict can be better managed in your personal life, workplace, and community. The cost for each six-session course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. All our courses are on Zoom and accessible to those on the Vineyard or anywhere in the world. Take a look at our upcoming spring schedule. You can register here or email [email protected] for more information. See you in class!

Introduction to Mediation Basics course begins on March 22, 2023––Wednesdays 5:30–8

Conflict Essentials course begins on March 9, 2023––Thursdays 4–5:30

Workplace Conflict confidential cohort begins on March 1, 202––Wednesdays 9–10:30

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.”  That’s what one of our participants said after taking two courses. Here is the schedule for our fall courses; the spring schedule is coming in December. Sign up today. Course schedule

Financial Conflicts and Financial Conflict Coaching



Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. Here are some tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances: Self-help financial tools from the Consulmer Financial Protection Bureau. Also, “Hidden Brain” is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation, and they are providing insight into financial management issues. Check this out: Hidden Brain

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice, Belonging

This month MVMP’s Executive Director and several staff members participated in a monthly DEI meeting with community mediation centers and presented on MVMP’s journey to include Brazilian and Portuguese-speaking residents and broaden our positive effect on conflicts in this segment of the local community. A highlight of the presentation included this comments from Pricila Villaça, recently elected to the Board of Directors:

“I want to bring the work of the mediation program to the Brazilian community and help them to know you—we—are here to help.”

Here are some articles to expand your DEI knowledge:

• Othering and belonging, marginalizing and dehumanizing Video
• Diversity for social impact: why is diversity important? Diversity is important
• Diversity connection with housing crisis––Housing and diversity

Social Media

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn. Each Friday during the month of December, we focus on the ways our donor and funder giving has helped our Island community during year. Also, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives, especially holiday stressors. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

This month’s links for your reading and viewing pleasure

• Power imbalances––how to handle power
• Managing emotions
• Ethics in mediation
• Better listening––better conversations

We hope these articles and videos are helpful. Reach out if you have found a resource to share.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn

Conflict Coaching Can Help You

Not therapy. Not advice. So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively to develop a new approach to conflict. It usually takes place over two one-hour sessions.

Make your appointment today!

Workplace Conflict Management

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering. If you would like to be part of our next course, sign up here: Spring 2023 Workplace Cohort

Mediators’ Check-in

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

• First Wednesday––Tips for mediators and coaches
• Second Wednesday––Diversity topics
• Third Wednesday––Meet our mediator
• Fourth Wednesday––Role play and/or case study

• January 4––Mediation Tips: Structure and Flow in mediation
• January 11––Gender language discussion
• January 18––Meet our mediator––Roland Miller
• January 25––Role play––recent case study
• February 1––Mediation Tips: Initial private meeting before joint session

Become a Divorce and Family Mediator

Divorce and Family mediation training begins on Friday January 27, 10–11:30 a.m. on Zoom. Participants will determine the pace of the class. Sign up here to participate––no charge for previously trained mediators who are thinking about becoming a Divorce and Family mediator with MV Mediation. Families are under a lot of stress these days. Mediation can help.

Board of Directors’ Corner

The Board of Directors met in December to discuss our new Community Advisory Board. If you know someone who would like to help MV Mediation to better keep our ear to the ground in understanding our community conflict resolution needs, please email us at [email protected]

The Board engaged in a short workshop on changing norms with regard to gender and pronoun use. Our goal is to update our practice so that our organization shows respect and care as we manage the varied expectations in modern gender language use. The Board committed to working toward applying this knowlege and particularly becoming aware of the harm caused by misgendering. Our focus will continue on gender in the coming months.

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. Email [email protected] or call 508-693-2999.

Divórcio, Disputas em Família e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação. [email protected] or call 508-693-2199

Agriculture Mediation

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/ aqua-cultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Here is a brochure; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

On Thursday November 17 a Bristol County event is happening to help with farm land transfers. We will be speaking about agriculture mediation and conflict resolution. Take a look here,

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes, Barnstable, and Bristol Counties.  

Youth Program

MV Mediation’s Youth Program is on the move. We are going to be working with the Charter School, Edgartown School, Oak Bluffs School, MV Regional High School, and Islandwide Youth Collaborative. Twelve teachers and school staff from local schools recently completed their course in Conflict Resolution Essentials.

Elementary Teachers––Peace Curriculum

Beginning on Tuesday January 10 at 4 p.m., and continuing every 2nd and 4th Tuesday at 4, elementary teachers will be meeting via Zoom to learn the Introductory Conflict Resolution curriculum to be presented to Island students in grades 2–5. Send an email to [email protected] or register here if you would like to participate.

Facilitation Services

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read an article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

Re-Entry Program

Making An Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community 

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to:

• Incarcerated individuals––pre-release
• Recently released individuals––post-release

 For more information check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Why I Mediate

“It is gratifying to be part of a process that provides people with tools to help them communicate more effectively and resolve conflicts in a self-determined manner. It can be very empowering. I enjoy seeing the change in clients who may at first be nervous about the process become very comfortable in expressing what outcome they would like to achieve and negotiating their position with the help of co-mediators.” 

––Kiki Homer, Mediator

Thank you, Martha’s Vineyard Non-Profit Collaborative, for including us in the 

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Justice Intensive Leadership Program 

led by Dr. Robin Stacia and Vernetta Walker. 

Thank you, Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation,

for our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant.

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Community Foundation and Martha’s Vineyard Community Services Foundation,

for support for our Youth programs, including providing professional development for teachers and school personnel as we seek to make our vision a reality: 

An Island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Thank you, Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration, for advocacy in the state legislature for mediation and conflict resolution programs.

Thank you to our donors and sponsors for your continued support!