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Be patient…and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
In my last reflection, I suggested that good listening is essential to building community in our faith groups. In her book How to Lead When You Don’t Know Where You Are Going, Susan Beaumont wrote: “One of the best ways to help people move through liminal time requires a different type of leadership and a new set of tools to help congregations move through that time.” I suggest that good questioning is as important as good listening and is one of the new tools that can be used in our polarized culture. Using powerful, positive questions can aid us as we navigate this liminal time and help bring people together.
In their book Encyclopedia of Positive Questions, Diana Whitney, David Cooperrider, Amanda Trosten-Bloom and Brian Kaplin wrote that they believe that “people live in the worlds their questions create.” There are people who see life as positive and those who see life as negative. In one study designed to better understand the difference between those two types of people, researchers interviewed 100 of the most successful and happy people. According to John Powell, in his book Happiness is an Inside Job, the researchers were perplexed:
“At first blush, there was nothing in common – certainly not education or socio-economic background. Some were grade school dropouts but had great careers in business, while others had received doctorate degrees. Some had come from wealth while others had risen above poverty into which they were born, some were high-level executives while others were front line workers and secretaries…. The research found that each and every one of the 100 people had a special capability – ‘to look for and find what is good in him or herself, in others, and in all the situations of life.’ The word ‘goodfinder’ had to be invented to describe the common trait.”
Because of these people’s search for the positive, the good, the better, people around them felt valued and wanted to be associated with them. One of the lessons that stood out in this study, according to Whitney and her co-authors, was this: “If you truly wish to change your world (and create a positive community) you must change your way of asking questions. It could be that moment you do so, a totally different world will take shape around you.”
Formulating powerful questions takes time. “If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution,” Albert Einstein said, “I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I ask the proper questions, I get the proper answer in less than five minutes.” Ray Kroc, for example, asked, “Where can I get a good hamburger on the road?” He created McDonald’s.
What are the characteristics of powerful positive questions?
- They catch people where they are, to meet them where there is the most energy and relevance for them and use that energy to go deeper.
- They are simple, clear and penetrating, inviting and challenging people to go deeper – to the knowledge or wisdom that already exists there beneath the surface.
- They engage people’s values, hopes and ideals, relating to something that’s larger than the individual where they can connect and contribute.
Here are powerful questions ranked from most powerful to least powerful:
- Why, how and what questions
- Who, where and when questions
- Which and yes/no questions
Jesus gave us some good examples:
- Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye yet fail to perceive the wooden beam in your own? (Matthew 7:2)
- What do you want me to do for you? (Matthew 20:32)
- How can anyone enter a strong man’s house and take hold of his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? (Matthew 12:29)
Finally, Rilke invites us to love the question and live the question now. We are aware that we live in a complicated and uncertain world and sometimes there are no immediate answers to the questions we ask. So, as Rilke points out, if we love the question and live it now, we will stop seeking the answers, not get stuck in doubt and know that the answer will arrive autonomously at the right time.
Questions for reflection:
- How could reframing our questions help us to develop community in our polarized culture?
- What questions have you used to experience a more intimate relationship?
- What experience have you had in “living the question now” and patiently waiting for an answer? What does one need to risk in “living the question now”?
Resources:
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Beaumont, Susan, How to Lead When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going: Leading a Liminal Season, Rowman & Littlefield, Lanham, Maryland, 2019.
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Guzman, Monica, I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times, BenBella Books Inc. Dallas, 2022.
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Powell, John, Happiness Is An Inside Job, Thomas More Publishing, 2017.
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Vogt, Eric E., Juanita Brown, and David Isaacs, The Art Of Powerful Questions: Catalyzing Insight, Innovation and Action, Whole Systems Associates, 2003.
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Whitney, Diana, David Cooperrider, Amanda Trostem-Bloom, and Kae Rader, Encyclopedia of Positive Questions: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Bring Out the Best of Your Organization, Vol. 1, Crown Custom Publishing, Ohio 2010.
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