Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club

Photo by Jane Lidz

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

President’s Message

I thought about calling this month’s message Forever Young, but I was afraid someone would throw a shoe at me at our next meeting to see how fast I could duck. How well we’re still able to move through our daily schedule is kind of the point here. Many of us still see ourselves as we did when we were younger only to be reminded of our limitations when we have difficulty remembering a name, a reaching a high shelf, or solving some mundane challenge. As we traverse this final leg of our lifelong highway it often seems easier to recognize what we’ve lost than to acknowledge the wonderful qualities and abilities we retain. We live in the presence of those who can no longer drive, walk without assistance, follow the plot of a drama, or efficiently and effectively use any of the electronic devices with which we are blessed.

I am grateful that I can see out of both eyes, move all extremities, and take care of personal needs. I recognize what my amazing body and mind can no longer do but temper that with deep appreciation for what it still can. Please make the most of every day to continue to find things to enjoy about your present version of life as a new version may be just around the corner.

Jim Greenberg, President EOLCC

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

CLUB PRESIDENT JIM GREENBERG AND BESS CHOSAK, DEATH CAFE CO-FACILiTATORS

The Rossmoor Death Café will meet on Friday, October 10, from 3:30 to 5 p.m. in the Vista Room at the Hillside Clubhouse.

Though not a grief support or therapy group, our Death Café offers a safe place for participants to bring up such end-of-life issues as Advanced Healthcare Directives, how to talk about final plans and wishes with your family, and other late life concerns.

Poems from September's Death Café

When Death Comes

When death comes

like the hungry bear in autumn;

when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;

when death comes

like the measle-pox;

when death comes 

like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:

what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything

as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,

and I look upon time as no more than an idea,

and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common

as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, 

tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something

precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life

I was a bride married to amazement.

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

  - Mary Oliver

Indwelling

Come closer.

This fire will all too soon

be ash.

I would tell you the story the moth knows

for making peace with the night.

The story tears have for making medicine

out of grief.

The story for eliciting the purr

in the belly of the tiger.

If you listen to your blood

you can hear the story of the sea

pulled by the moon

in the open sky

pouring the water of rivers

into your heart.

You can hear the aria

of the wind that the birds

know by heart

singing the story of your body

a hundred generations

in the making.

Come closer:

This is the story that will be yours

long after I have left this place.

….Madronna Holden 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

MARCIA LIBERSON, PROGRAMS

Burial and Cremation 

What You Should Know About Burial, Cremation, Green Burial, and Body Composting

Many of us haven’t decided whether we would like a traditional burial, cremation, green burial, or composting. In some cases, the decision may be left to family and friends after our death because we never expressed a preference. This can be particularly difficult to cope with in the midst of grief. Some of us who made the decision years ago, aren’t so sure of the choice we made and may wish to review it. 

With this in mind, the Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club (EOLCC) will present a program on Monday, October 20th, 1:00-3:00 p.m. in the Creekside Club Room: “What You Should Know About Burial, Cremation, Green Burial, and Body Composting.” 

A panel of three speakers will discuss the different kinds of services available in Contra Costa County. The presenters include: 

Bari Hendershot, Funeral Director at Diablo Valley Cremation and Funeral Home, will review the role of a traditional mortuary service that provides burial and cremation. Hendershot has been in this field since 2007 and is a well-known point of contact for local hospices and care facilities who invite her to give talks about what to expect when a death occurs and how to plan for this.

Chris Sharpless, Manager for an online service called Smart Cremation, will speak about his company’s more affordable alternative compared to traditional funeral homes. Sharpless has many years of experience in this field and is known for his compassionate and thoughtful approach. Other examples of this type of online service are the Neptune and Trident Societies.

Jim Greenberg, MD, a retired physician and President of Rossmoor’s EOLCC, will discuss green burial and body composting. During his wife’s long decline from multiple sclerosis, he discovered Penn Forest Natural Burial Park in his home city of Pittsburgh, PA. It is a beautiful, life-affirming place that embraces green burial with gardens, meadows, and trails open to the community. He feels this alternative offers the most natural way to return to the earth. Greenberg will also describe body composting, another form of green burial which uses the same idea as garden composting to offer an eco-friendly way to dispose of a body after death. 

There will be a Q&A session after the presentations, including private time with the presenters if desired. Handouts will be available including a helpful list of questions to ask a funeral director.  

All Rossmoor residents and their guests are welcome. Non-members are invited to make a small donation to help defray the cost of our programs. 

For questions, please contact Nancy Dimsdale, Publicity/Communications Chair, 1-858-354-1195.

RICHARD NAEGLE, TREASURER

A CELEBRATION OF THE DAY OF THE DEAD

A Celebration of The Day of the Dead An introduction to and celebration of the Day of the Dead is planned for Tuesday, October 28,1-2:30 pm, in the Club Room at Creekside. This event is co-sponsored by the End of Life Concerns Club and the Entre Amigos Club.

El Dia de los Muertos is perhaps the most popular holiday in Mexico and is rapidly spreading into other cultures. It continues to evolve here in the United States as a gentle, gracious and beloved way of remembering our loved ones who have died. For the ancient Mexicans, death is not an end but a stage in a constant cycle—part of a never-ending journey. The inevitability of death is accepted rather than feared.

The ancient holiday celebrates life in its embrace of death. Families come together to honor their ancestors. Flowers, fruit and photographs decorate altars. Death’s morbid side is balanced with beauty, favorite foods, music, and fond memories.

El Dia de los Muertos goes back to the Aztecs, who had not just a few days but an entire month dedicated to the dead. In the Aztec calendar, this ritual fell roughly at the end of the Gregorian month of July and the beginning of August. In the post-conquest era it was moved by Spanish priests so that it coincided with the Christian holiday of All Hallows Eve (Halloween). The result is that Mexicans now celebrate the day of the dead during the first two days of November. Life is change, which includes the rhythm of loss/ death.

We all know deaths/losses such as of stages in life (e.g. childhood & adolescence), relationships, hopes/ dreams, jobs, living situations, the plans and planned results of the lives we imagined, etc. As indigenous wisdom advises, we need to make friends with death as part of life; we need to find death before death finds us

The event will be led by Richard Naegle, PhD, who has presented this material in classes at JFK University and numerous workshops with the Guild for Psychological Studies. Do join us in his celebration of life and death. Bring a picture of a loved one who has died (and perhaps their favorite food or drink) to place on our “Ofrenda”/altar of remembrance.

For more information, call Richard Naegle, 1-707-887-1685, or Cassie Tzur, 1-925-285-4071 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

New Club Website, Please Visit!

 https://www.rossmooreolcc.org/

Additionally, the Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club is building a library of books relevant to our educational mission. We are in the process of developing a set of extra benefits of club membership, one of which will be the privilege of borrowing books from our collection. Here are a few examples of books to be offered in the near future.

*******************************************************************************

MARLEY MIDDLEBROOK, MEMBERSHIP

Thank you for supporting our work at the End of Life Concerns Club.

If you would like to join now, your membership will be activated now and through all of 2026 ($20) or to renew your membership for 2026 you may do so at the next Death Café, or drop off a check to the Gateway mailbox. Membership is $20 per year and is a great way to be involved in the community.

As of October 2025, our Newsletter and Book Club will only be made available to members in good standing.

Membership: Marley Middlebrook at marleypsyd@me.com or (925) 385-0336

Jim Greenberg, President

endoflifeconcerns@gmail.com

(412) 736-2317