There is a reason that publishing a book is often compared to birthing a baby: they're both long on anticipation and then, when the end product finally comes out, the reward is a tangible gift. A gift that requires endless energy in the form of caring and feeding around the clock, 24/7 -- in the case of a baby literally; in the case of book publicity, nearly. The physical and emotional toll is all at once euphoric and exhausting, and just when you swear there's no chance you'll ever do it again, that’s when amnesia sets in. Which may explain why I keep publishing.
Unlike the common postpartum plight of feeling trapped at home, book tours offer the opportunity to travel across the country and engage with people from all walks of life. It is on my book tours that I learn the generalizability of a concept: how common – or uncommon, for that matter – is an issue I may have spent the past year writing about in my silo?
Last week I spoke to big audiences at schools and to small groups gathered in homes or common spaces. Regardless of the venue, the questions were remarkably similar, with parents asking how to engage their sons in conversations. Like, really How To.
Walk me through the steps, Cara
, they would ask.
So the door is shut, now what do I do?
Some parents voiced concerns about sex or consent issues or porn (lots worried out loud about porn); others wanted to focus on body image, developing early, or living life as a late bloomer whose friends all look like men while he is still all boy. The circumstances of the questions varied, but there wasn’t a group that didn’t crave advice about engaging with boys in the first place. Even the parents whose sons are still talkers, because they desperately want to keep things that way.
In case I haven’t made it to a city where you live (at least yet), I have dedicated this newsletter to some of the press about
Decoding Boys
. Forgive what looks like bragging – I am sharing because this seems to be a conversation that parents want to have, and so I encourage you all to have it. Use the tips and tricks in the links below to bite the bullet, get over the anxiety, knock on that door and start talking to your sons.
