Mediation Musings Sara Barnes, Executive Director



Quick Conclusion

The gate was open. The goats were out. “Ellen!” I yelled. My sister was here all week, and I was sure this was her doing. “Ellen, you left the gate open!” Ellen emerged in her planting outfit, dirt on her knees and hands, her tools sticking out of her apron. “I was sure I closed it.”

We rounded up the goats, luring them with goat candy, and got them into the pen again. I went to close the gate. The clasp wasn’t there. The rope was frayed and broken. The clasp and broken rope were still attached to the fence. I had fashioned the rope and clasp over a year ago; it had broken, most likely with the goats’ help. My assumption that Ellen was at fault was wholly incorrect.

Have you done this? Is someone reading this and saying no? If so, I want to meet you. I think it is universal to hear a story like this and say, Yeah that’s me, I am a little too quick to come to a conclusion. Often have to backtrack when I find out the real deal. It’s common. We are human.

We Evolved This Way

Humans have lived through a lot over the millennia. We are still here because we can make quick judgments. Especially when fear, anger, or perceived threat are the ingredients, we humans can sum things up, take action, keep ourselves and our clan safe, and carry on. Considering we don’t have wings, claws, fangs, or natural body armor, it’s pretty remarkable that we have prevailed for this long. In many respects it’s because of our amazing brain. The brain that can jump into action in a zillionth of a second and save the day. Humans. The super species. Cue the cape and the exciting soundtrack.

The evolutionary plateau we have reached thus far doesn’t always work, however, in modern society. We take a snapshot of something and jump to conclusions about what we are seeing. Moving more slowly to make a judgment is often the wiser choice these days. Had I walked over to the gate first, so that I could be sure about what I was seeing before I accused my sister, I would have found that the fault was my own. Calling on my sister for help would not have had the accusatory tone. Instead, she would have come to my aid, I’m sure, without feeling defensive or wrongly accused.

Assumptions = Conflicts

When we analyze conflicts, we look for assumptions. Continue reading Mediator Musings here

MV Mediation Needs Your Financial Contribution

Thanks to all our donors. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

DONATE HERE

Agricultural Mediation

• Join us on Saturday October 22 at the MV Agriculture Society Harvest Festival. Check out the flyer here. 
• We will be participating in the Southeastern MA Agricultural Partnership SEMAP conference on Succession Planning and Land Transfer on November 17. See info here.

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aqua-cultural businesses that have conflicts with debt, neighbors, succession planning, workplace conflict, management, or other matters, MV Mediation can help. Here is a brochure; please pass it on to those who may need these services. Here’s a related article.

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice, and Belonging

MVMP is pleased to be one of ten organizations selected to participate in a multi-session intensive training on Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice, and Belonging (DEI J + B). We look forward to staff and executive board members participating in upcoming sessions: Reimagining and Deepening Impact; Taking Action; and Peer to Peer Sharing. We are continuing the important ongoing process of organizational exploration, prioritization, and growth as we support and promote transformational change in our community. Our latest project is developing a document defining new language use for gender, racial identity, sexual orientation, and terms that we are regularly updating. Reach out if you would like to be part of this important project.

Re-Entry Program

Making An Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to:

• Incarcerated individuals––pre-release
• Recently released individuals––post-release

 More information check out our flyers for Pre-released and Post-released individuals.

Please email info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999.

Healthy Aging and Home Sharing Pilot Program

Housing is a core unresolved conflict here on Martha’s Vineyard. That’s why we are so pleased to support Healthy Aging MV with their new initiative called Home Sharing. We will be providing Facilitation and Conflict Coaching services for Healthy Aging participants as the host and guest work out mutually agreeable terms for sharing a home. Find more information on their website, healthy aging, or check out their digital brochure here.

Introduction to Mediation Course

The next section of Introduction to Mediation Course will begin on Tuesday September 27, 2022. This course is a good refresher for those previously trained or who want to learn how to conduct mediation via Zoom.

Section Two: Mediation Qualification––6 sessions, Tuesdays November 15–December 20.

Tuesday November 15––How do mediators mitigate impasse?

Tuesday November 22––How do mediators view biases & diversity?

Tuesday November 29––How do mediators use neuroscience?

Tuesday December 6––How do mediators handle power imbalances?

Tuesday December 13––How do mediators handle emotions?

Tuesday December 20––How do mediators handle ethical dilemmas?

The cost for each six-session course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. Scholarships are available. Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or register here.

"MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun."  That’s what one of our participants said after taking two courses. Here is the schedule for our fall courses; the spring schedule is coming in December. Sign up today. Course schedule

Financial Conflicts and Financial Conflict Coaching

Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. Here are some tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances: Self-help financial tools. Also, “Hidden Brain” is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation, and they are providing insight into financial management issues. Check this out: Hidden Brain

Social Media––Follow Us––Help Us Out!

Are you following MV Mediation on social media? Click here to see what you may be

missing! Follow us for helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives, and information

about community events, workshops, and courses. This month, we celebrate our Indigenous

community. If you are a part of the farming and/or aquaculture community, see our posts celebrating your contributions and providing information as to how MV Mediation can give back to you. Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! 

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn

Conflict Coaching Can Help You

Not therapy. Not advice. So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Click here to make your appointment today! There is no charge for this service for the remainder of 2022.

This month’s links for your reading pleasure

• 10 ways to consider better self-care
• The importance of names and storytelling
• Why it is crucial to try bridge differences
• The importance of not misgendering
• Find your biases and many more here

We hope these articles are helpful. Reach out if you have found a resource to share.

Mediators’ Check-in and Opportunities

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

• First Wednesday––Tips for mediators and coaches
• Second Wednesday––Diversity topics
• Third Wednesday––Meet our mediator
• Fourth Wednesday––Role play and/or case study



October and Novermber Mediator Check-in Schedule

• October 19––Meet our mediator: Louis Pashman. Here’s his bio.
• October 26––Role Play Wednesday: Stuck in storytelling phase––listening for the conflict
• November 2––Tips: Identifying Topics in Mediation
• November 9––Diversity: Belonging as a DEI concept
• November 16––Meet our mediator: Susan Pratt
• No Mediator Check In––Native American Day of Mourning/Thanksgiving
• November 30––Role Play Wednesday: Dealing with shocking information

Conflict Resolution Week: October 17 – 21 

Conflict Resolution Week is celebrated every year during the third week of October. Conflict Resolution Week was begun in 2005 by the Association of Conflict Resolution and the American Bar Association as an occasion to promote the concept of peaceful conflict resolution.

Thurs. Oct. 20 4:30pm –– Conflict Resolution Day Celebration

Mass Bar Association

Panelists will share their experiences in overcoming barriers to becoming dispute resolution professionals. The panelists will discuss ways in which they’ve faced challenges, found successes, and been supported in their work for a more diverse dispute resolution community. Thursday’s program will host a panel discussion about diversity in ADR. The title of the panel discussion is “Creating Access & Opportunity in Dispute Resolution.”

Sign up  https://www.massbar.org/CRWEEK

Board of Directors’ Corner

The Board of Directors met in October to discuss our progress toward becoming a fully equitable organization. We planned out the rest of the fiscal year with regard to rounding out our budget with grants, fundraisers, and a donor campaign. 

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

Divórcio, Disputas em Família e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação. info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes, Barnstable, and Bristol Counties.  

Workplace Conflict Management

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering. If you would like to be part of our next course, sign up here: Spring 2023 Workplace Cohort.

Facilitation Services

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read an article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Why I Mediate

“I like the complexity of the process and the satisfaction when the parties come to a well-defined agreement. Mediation appeals to my sense of fairness and justice.” 

––David Ross, Mediator

Thank you, Martha’s Vineyard Non-Profit Collaborative, for including us in the Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Justice Intensive Leadership Program led by Dr. Robin Stacia and Vernetta Walker. 

Thank you, Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation, for

our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant.

Thank you, Rockland Trust Charitable Foundation, for giving financial support for our Youth programs and for being a part of our vision: 

An Island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Thank you, Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration, for advocacy in the state legislature for mediation and conflict resolution programs.

Thank you to our donors and sponsors for your continued support!