February 24, 2022
Two weeks ago, I was driving home from a meeting while listening to a virtual conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Edith Eger. I was particularly interested in this program as I had read Dr. Eger’s latest book, The Gift, over winter vacation and was still mulling over the many important takeaways.
Born in 1927 Hungary, Dr. Eger survived the horrors of the concentration camps and eventually moved to America in 1949 to begin a new life. Amazingly, at the age of 50, she obtained her PhD. in Psychology and is a sought-after psychologist and lecturer, helping individuals discard their limitations, discover their powers of self-renewal, and achieve things they previously thought unattainable.
In the opening chapter of The Gift, Dr. Eger writes, “Suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional. There is no way to escape being hurt or oppressed by other people or circumstances. The only guarantee is that no matter how kind we are or how hard we work, we’re going to have pain. We’re going to be affected by environmental and genetic factors over which we have little or no control. But we each get to choose whether or not we stay a victim. We don't get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how we respond to our experience.”
Admittedly, this type of approach requires time and practice. I would imagine none of us would have asked for the challenges and travails that have accompanied the past two years. We have all been impacted in some measure, whether small or large. The manner in which we choose to process, discuss and respond to this experience creates a template for our children of how to respond to challenges.
In April 2020, at the early stages of the pandemic, the late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, zt”l drew upon a teaching of Rabbi Soloveitchik. The Rav famously taught us that when responding to tragedy, we have to change from asking lamah (why did this happen) to l’mah (for what-or what can I learn from this). We must not become caught up in the why. Rather, we must ask what am I supposed to learn from this? How can I take this into my life and change myself or my perspective? What meaning can I derive from this challenge?
Many of you have shared insights or vignettes as to how your family life improved during these past two years. Again, none of us asked for this Covid experience. As we continue to move towards return to normal functioning (and we hope things will continue to only improve) there is an opportunity to bring the teachings of Rabbi Solovetchik and the recent writings of Dr. Eger to our family table. How will we respond? How can we help our children process this period? What enduring messages may we derive that will improve our family and world outlook?
As always, I invite you to continue the conversation with me, sharing ideas and insights.
Rabbi Jonathan Knapp
Head of School
