Off the Bookshelf, Pesach 2023

Ten years ago, this article, The Stories that Bind Us, by Bruce Feiler made the rounds in the rabbinic and education world. In this article, Mr. Feiler raises several of the core questions that many of us ponder at some point…”What is the secret sauce that holds a family together? What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, happy?”

Based on extensive research conducted at Emory University, the following hypothesis about strong families emerged: “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges.”

The more that children know about their family’s origins and stories, the better they fare when encountering difficulty. Eventually, three archetypes of family narratives were identified…the ascending family narrative, the descending narrative and the most healthy of all - the oscillating narrative. 

The ascending narrative essentially tells the story of a family who had nothing and through hard work and perseverance now lives a charmed life. The descending narrative is the story of the family who once had at all only to see it all evaporate. The healthiest narrative, that of the oscillating variety, describes a life with ups and downs, victories and challenges. 

Twenty years ago, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks first published his Haggadah. In addition to the commentary he provides on the words of the Haggadah itself, the publication contains 21 essays on Pesach related themes. 

In the essay entitled “Begin with the Shame, End with the Praise,” Rabbi Sacks writes,

“If you want to understand a people, listen to the way it tells its stories.” He goes on to describe various styles of stories. For example, one genre he dubs the fairy tale or fantasy, in which everyone lived happily ever after. A second style is the Greek tragedy where bad things happen for no apparent reason and there is no ultimate justice.

Clearly, Rabbi Sacks explains, Judaism does not subscribe to either theory. Our people believe in a third style, “a narrative that does not ask us to believe in a world in which there are simple happy endings. Nor does it allow us to take refuge in the cynical belief that every aspiration ends in failure.” Judaism believes in the concept called hope. “Far from being simple or naive, hope demands, creates and is the expression of indomitable moral courage.”

This is the story we retell every year at the Pesach Seder on a national level.

As part of my role at Yavneh, I meet and speak with many families. It is a role I truly enjoy and embrace. In recent years, certainly post Covid, I have seen many families in acute pain. Often the pain is related to the raising of children, to struggles, frustrations, unrealized hopes and dreams. The struggle may be manifest with a child who is 4, 14, 24 or older…It seems inevitable that all parents will face that stage at some point in their parenting career.

Perhaps as part of our Pesach seder, we can share some more of our own individual growth stories, both our own and our extended families. Coupled together with our communal narrative, this sharing creates strength and resilience which our children need now more than ever. May we all have siyata deshmaya in presenting our core family and communal values to our children with love, hope and care.

Wishing you and your families a chag kasher vsameach.

Rabbi Jonathan Knapp  

Head of School