Dear Yavneh Family,

Every few years, a new parenting book captures our collective attention and becomes the impetus for broad discussion and reflection. In 2008 that book was Wendy Mogul’s The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, followed by her sequel a few years later, The Blessing of a B Minus. Each book offers valuable and timeless parenting advice.

Often, as we approach our parent teacher conference season, I come back to these ideas presented by Dr. Mogul. It is natural to want to know how our students and children are progressing in school. Are they growing? Are they reaching their milestones? Goals? Hence, one of the main reasons for parent teacher conferences, students assessments and family partnerships.

Yet, Dr. Mogul cautions against the natural tendency to rush in to “fix” any difficulties our children may be experiencing. There is deep value in giving our children the skills and confidence that they can learn on their own to navigate life’s challenges.

Years ago, I heard a lecture by Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hirsch Weinrib, then the executive vice president of the Orthodox Union. He explained that there are in essence two types of people in the world: those who are suffering and those who are not yet suffering. His point - that if one lives long enough, it is inevitable that life will bring some element of suffering, along with hopefully many moments of joy and happiness. We need to learn how to navigate these eventual challenges.

In davening, we ask that Hashem remove obstacles from in front of us. We don't typically intentionally cause our children to endure hardships. Yet, we can't insulate them either. That is part of our core approach to education at Yavneh - raising resilient children. Many ask how do some children display more resilience than others and how can we fortify that resilience muscle?

Today, the 20th of Cheshvan, marks the 4th yahrzeit of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks. In his inimitable style, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks takes this discussion into another direction when delving into which of our holidays seem to be most celebrated by the Jewish community as a whole.

“Here’s the paradox: Most people think that more people would keep Judaism if only it were easier, less demanding. Why all the commandments, 613 of them? Wouldn’t it be better if we made being Jewish simpler?

Let’s see: Think of Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot. Which of the three is kept, on average, by the greatest number of Jews? More people keep Pesach than Sukkot. More people keep Sukkot than Shavuot. That’s true wherever you go in the Jewish world. Now ask, which is the most demanding? Pesach is by far the most difficult. It involves cleaning the house, kashering the kitchen, using special utensils, and much else besides. Next comes Sukkot. You have to buy a lulav and etrog. You have to make a Sukkah. Easiest by far is Shavuot, which has no special mitzvah, unless you count staying up late on the first night for a Tikkun. So, the harder a festival is to keep, the more people keep it.

Now think of the hardest day of all, one in which there is no eating or drinking, no joy or celebration, on which you spend the entire day in shul, thinking of all the things you did wrong. A perfect formula, you would have thought, for making sure that no one keeps it at all..

But of course the opposite is true. Yom Kippur, when all these things happen, is the day on which more Jews come to shul than any other in the entire year. It’s counterintuitive but true: the things we value most are the things that are the most demanding. That’s true of study; it’s true at work; it’s true in sport; and it’s true in matters of the spirit. Things that cost us little, we cherish little. What matters most to us are the things we make sacrifices for.”

This is true in school, in life and in matters of the heart. We aim to foster a sense of hard work, resilience and determination. Even if in the short term, it means our students will have to work harder, we are teaching them life skills of how to persevere and ultimately what we invest our precious time and energy in is of great value.

Sincerely,

Rabbi Jonathan Knapp

Head of School