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Getting Started
Like many of you, this summer, my family, and I enjoyed some much-needed time away with a vacation filled with new experiences and memories. While waiting in line to zipline through the Jamaican rainforest, I heard my daughter begin to panic because her harness felt loose. She was standing on top of the plank, and I was on the ground. I recall yelling up, “are you good?” There was no response. She was too high up and did not hear me. Everything in me wanted to push through the eight people in front of me to check on her and make sure she was secured. Before I could call her name again, she jumped off the plank and went flying. I remember feeling anxious as I watched her zip through the trees. When I was finally able to catch up with her, I asked what happened on the first line. She replied, “my harness came undone, but I had them fix it.” At that point, I was reminded how very hard it is to be on the sidelines as a parent. Often, our parental instinct is to rush in to solve their problems. Truth be told, she didn’t need me. I had instilled in her everything she needed to know to be safe – and she did it without me intervening. She clearly didn’t need me. At this point, I needed her to remind me that I was still needed.
As your student prepares to start this new chapter of life, be proud of raising a son or daughter who is ready to take off and embrace new challenges and responsibilities. Whether they are commuting from home or moving across the country, here are a few pieces of advice I would like to share to help with the transition.
Talk about communication.
Talking about talking sounds funny, but it’s an important subject to discuss before your student starts college. Will you set up a certain time of the week to check in? Will you text rather than call?
Set expectations early. Have Conversations about College Life.
Discuss what information you want your student to share with you, grades, billing information, and request they submit the required documentation to give you access. Do you want them to have a job during the school year? The social and academic difference compared to high school. For instance, alcohol and drugs, staying in a group when out, and appropriate boundaries. Plan in advance which breaks you would like them to go home for. Having these conversations early can prevent misunderstanding.
Don’t rush in to solve their problems. Encourage Self-Advocacy.
Growing up means taking responsibility for your own actions. Listen, offer suggestions, and steer your student to campus resources. Let them know you have confidence in their ability to handle any problem. Our job is to help them advocate and navigate campus and life! Developing those problem-solving skills is necessary for success in college and post-graduation life.
Allow Mistakes to Happen
Mistakes are inevitable. College students may miss an assignment or oversleep for class, for instance. But students can't learn from those mistakes unless they take responsibility and accept any potential consequences. Don't be afraid to let your student fail in small ways and learn how to pick themselves back up from a big disappointment.
Respect Their Academic Journey
College is a time for students to explore their interests by taking a variety of courses. However, students and parents might have differing visions on what career route to take. Respect their choices regarding matters of majors, course selection and even career pathways. It should be part of the conversation to give guidance and share your insights, but ultimately allow them the freedom to make their own decisions with support from their academic advisor.
Remember, we are in this together! If there is anything we can do to support you or your student, feel free to contact me directly at Alicia.Newell@wichita.edu
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