Greetings Parents!
Have you ever made a decision for your children and then wondered, "Was that the right decision?" Or is that only me? Some days I spend more time second-guessing my decisions than making them. It permeates my thoughts throughout the day (and sometimes week, and longer). With an older teen now, I see the cumulative of some decisions and there are some I would have changed if I could do it over again. So often it was a matter of choosing battles - but the times we yielded in those battles are the ones I' d like to go change.
I never wanted to make my kids mad on purpose, but we did want them to learn the real world - which is not about their personal, constant momentary-pleasure. They have a purpose in life - and that includes responsibilities beyond their choice of extra - curriculars, more-expensive clothes, and their social life (tied up in video games and their phones). They need to contribute to the household, each year a little more because they are more capable and because they need these life experiences. They need to learn to do for the sake of doing and to do things well because it is the right thing to do. So often we felt alone in this battle compared to what they said everyone else's license and responsibilities were at their homes. It's a struggle - we don't want them to feel like outsiders - and so the tug-of-war for balance without compromising their soul. Better to be an outsider on earth than an outsider to heaven!
But part of life is evangelizing, and this happens in part by living in the world, although not of the world. Easier said than done! The daily expected struggles of life are enough to make this a challenge for every parent, but then add the unexpected crises of financial concerns, long-term injuries to children or parents, parental relationship difficulties, escalating job expectations, and children struggling in school. When we're short on time and money, how do I best help my child who's struggling to keep up with studies or to fit in socially, especially with rising cases of bullying in grade and middle school? Just a simple "Yes" or "No" to the thousands of requests we receive from our children each week might have unexpected repercussions we never considered and suddenly we're in a firestorm we never anticipated.
In our sorrow for any hurt incurred, guilt often arises that we didn't make the right decision - although looking back later we might find that decision was valid and the hurt was an unfortunate side-effect, but often not of our own making. Living in a community of imperfect people is not easy! Especially because I am one and my mistakes hurt others, so I need to forgive those as I want to be forgiven. Different viewpoints add a valuable variety to life, but can lead to conflict as well. In today's world, every decision is judged - more often publicly and harshly. No wonder anxiety is so high - when we know that people are lurking and ready to pounce on every failure. Social media would be happy to write our confessions for us!
It can be exhausting, depressing, and debilitating. What's a parent to do? Of course, that answer is to turn to God. Ask for help before making decisions and for peace - and further guidance - after the decision is made. In asking for guidance, though, we need to help ourselves to be familiar with the principles from which our decisions will be made. Do I say "Yes" because it will make my child happy or because there is good in the activity and no negatives for their physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual health? How do I know what is the good or the negative? With producers and studios no longer favoring the "most protected exposure" approach to children's shows, we can't count on society's norms. Teachers can call a kindergarten boy "she" and "her" in schools without the parent's permission, but at the child's request. Disregarding parental authority, engaging with whoever is available for a physically pleasurable experience in middle school and above, being quick to public humiliate anyone who doesn't fit their norm, and all forms of retribution are applauded - These are not just contrary to Catholic beliefs, but to all of the Judeo-Christian teachings for millennia.
So it makes sense that we struggle and feel confused trying to make the right decision. As a parent who has been through many storms and looks back now, I offer with heartfelt entreaty and encouragement: Know your faith and make decisions based on knowing that we will one day stand before God and want to feel the joy and gratitude for how we raised His children that were placed in our care. It is not to the parents of my children's friends or my children's friends, or my co-workers to whom I need give an accounting of parenting performance. It is God. He has offered everything I need to know, and is always sharing His Wisdom. My challenge is to remember that, then pause long enough to come to know that Wisdom and to learn how to apply it to life each day. This will help me know which battles to which I can yield and to which battles I need to engage in the full armor of God.
Hug your children tight, teach them to seek the Truths that God HAS revealed and to ask for His guidance in how to live by them - knowing that He loves them infinitely!
-- Linda Bader, Coordinator of Religious Education
P.S. Did you know... the angels are always before God, adoring His Holiness and being granted sure knowledge of what He Wills for them in every moral decision they might make. How wonderful it would be to have assurance of always making the "right" decision!
