Greetings Parents!
When my children were young, they wanted to “help,” which often meant they wanted to do something they saw me doing, but do it their own way. I’d give brief instructions and demonstrate, then turn them loose. Depending on the task, they could accomplish it their way (think dusting) or I’d watch and redirect actions if needed (think watering plants). Most often my boys wanted to find their own way to complete the job, whether it be watering tiny amounts on each plant, but switching between plants super-fast to see if they could have a continuous action without spilling anything (method Mommy approved only for outdoors) or racing to see who could claim to have dusted the most, which usually resulted in at least one wrestling match as they raced for the same “easy” surface (the more rough physical contact during chores, the happier they were).
Pondering this, I recall that at some age they wanted to start setting the chore rules. “Mom, this shelf doesn’t get dusty easy, we don’t need to clean this one every week.” “When the rag is really wet the dust doesn’t come right back.” “The window cleaner works on the walls and tables, let's just use that." Grateful for their help, creativity, and finally being invested in the chore it became a delicate balance to re-orient them to the goals – properly cleaning and preserving – without stifling their enthusiasm. When older, it was easier to have them comprehend why window cleaner isn't good for wood, their concern for the task sank as their teen minds concluded it was a waste of their valuable gaming time. They'd yield to our way of doing things, sometimes after a debate, “Mom, no one looks under an object. We don’t need to lift it to dust.”
Pondering further and flipping roles, how often has God called me to something I don’t want to do. Sometimes I see the need and jump right to it, but other times I try to ignore it. Many times I try to do it my way, without asking for instructions on the best way to accomplish it. As if I know better!
The crazy part is, as with my children, if I simply follow His directions, it is so much easier! If there are unexpected consequences, it’s OK, He knew the result before Creation and already has in place everything to deal with the fallout. If my child breaks a vase because I let him dust near it, I know that’s a risk, and thus don’t give him that task until he’s ready. God won’t give us a task for which we are not prepared – or He will prepare us along the way. If something seems to fail, it could be training, as when I let the boys over-water a plant and then have to race to clean up the spilling water - because I knew they needed the experience, my words were not believed. When very young, the boys loved to clean windows, but they always needed a touch-up afterward. I knew that and planned for it. How much better does God have things planned for our actions to help us. The key, however, is for us to focus on what God wants and try to do it His way. There is a purpose behind His Words.
And going further, God has us in place to help our children hear Him – we are just the assistant. In everything we are the assistant – not the one asking for the task or the boss trying to direct its completion. We are to listen for instructions, know the boss well enough to understand His expectations, and then carry it out as asked. Except God isn't a boss, but a loving parent with a purpose behind every request. Results we see might not be our intent, but God is in charge, He has a Plan and our obedience keeps us on the path and His Plan in greater perfection than when we ignore Him.
The good news - when we do listen and do as He says, we can and should relinquish anxiety over outcome we don't like. God is running the show. But this is only true if we’re certain we’ve taken the time to understand His Will (through knowing His Teachings and through prayer) and that our actions have been done in love. In this way, we become like little children and He rejoices as much in our every action as we do in the actions of our children, even when something gets broken.
Hug your children tight and remind them that you and God love them. When they disagree with your requests, remind them that you have more experience and you take responsibility for the consequences if they do it your way - this prepares them to do the same as adults with God. May God bless you and your family abundantly!
- Linda Bader, CRE St.Thomas More
P.S. Did you know.... St. Bernard of Clairvaux convinced 30 young men to join him in entering an Abbey so they would not succumb to the evil temptations of society in the 1100's. His sincerity of devotion yielded a sanctity and wisdom for which people of all religious roles sought him out, including laypeople, priests, bishops, and popes. God performed many miracles through him and he blessed the 12th crusade, but later chided the participants for their sinfulness, which he said led to its failure. He founded the famous Abbey of Clairvaux and was a beacon of light for those seeking authentic faith.
