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PARENT ACADEMY

Parent's Guide to Teen Stress

We all deal with stress every day, but adults have a lot of experience managing our anxiety and keeping cool. Teen stress, on the other hand, can feel overwhelming. The effects of stress hormones on the teen brain are just as toxic as on the adult brain, but teens lack the coping mechanisms to get through tough times. For this reason, teen stress can actually be even more debilitating than adult stress. It’s not teens’ fault that they’re so stressed out today. Teens’ lives are more complex now than ever before. They’re under more academic pressure, they have more competitive and demanding extracurriculars, and now they also have world events and social media to deal with too—all while figuring out who they are and gaining independence. Teen stress is real. Thankfully, a lot of research has been done and there are many proven things parents can do to help with teen stress. 

Top Teen Stressors (And How to Help)

The top thing teens say stresses them out is high expectations. Many teens report feeling constant pressure to do their best. Performing well in school, sports, drama, music, and on Snapchat too might be unrealistic, but many teens get the message they are supposed to be able to do it all. This can cause huge amounts of teen stress. If teens feel overworked and experience failure constantly, they might never hit their stride.

Pressure to Succeed

If your teen seems stressed about success, help reduce their workload.  One useful exercise is to sit down with your teen and identify the activities that are most important to them so they can discard or postpone the rest. Another tip is to remind your teenager that there are more important values than getting the highest score, and that you love them no matter what their grades are.

Most teens will actually perform better in their classes if they are more relaxed and focused on learning, rather than trying to avoid mistakes to keep their grades up. So mitigate teen stress and let your teen off the hook a little.

Social Pressure

Another thing that causes a lot of teen stress is social pressure. Your teen is barraged by a constant stream of opinions telling them what to like, how to dress, and how they should spend their free time. Constant social pressures can make teens feel uncool and unpopular if they don’t get enough Likes on social media. Stress about fitting in is especially bad for some teens, but all teens feel it to some extent.

Help your teen understand and feel proud about their choices with a simple exercise. Have your teen write down what makes them special, what their key values are, and their top goals for the next 1, 3, and 5 years. This type of affirmation exercise might sound basic, but it’s scientifically proven to help your teen focus on their strengths so they’re less likely to succumb to peer pressure later on in order to feel validated. Another useful exercise is to roleplay a challenging social situation with your teen so they can practice how to react. Ask your teen for examples of social situations that would be difficult or awkward and then act them out, allowing your teenager to use the stress-free environment to get used to handling hard moments.

Current Events Blues

Current events are another significant source of teen stress. Teenagers today are more concerned about the news than past generations. Topics like COVID-19, school shootings, high suicide rates, civil unrest are all possible causes of teen stress. In some ways, it’s good to see a teen stress about the news because it means they care and are worried about the future. However, chronic stress is unhealthy and an over-fixation on the news can be toxic. If your teen’s stress about what’s happening in the world starts to interfere with your teen’s ability to enjoy everyday life, it’s a problem.

Introduce your teen to ways they can make a difference, so they won’t feel so powerless against teen stress. For example, if your teen is worried about school shootings, show them how to write a letter to their congressperson about gun laws. If your teen is up all night thinking about the environment, suggest they start a school club to raise awareness about pollution. It’s also important to make sure teens aren’t overreacting to sensationalism in the media. Teach your teenager media literacy skills, like how to read the news carefully and analyze different sources to get a better idea of what’s really happening.

Family Stress

Teens across America report that family stress severely affects their wellbeing. Common sources of teen stress in the household include financial problems, marital problems, poor sibling relationships, and the pressure to live up to expectations. If your teen doesn’t feel at ease in their home, they could have trouble internalizing and externalizing their problems, leading to a variety of problems such as anxiety, loss of sleep, and risky behaviors.

It might be best to identify the problems in your household by writing them down and speaking with a counselor to come up with healthy solutions. If your family is under a lot of stress, we think it’s your responsibility as a parent to manage that stress, so it doesn’t pass onto your kids and have an unhealthy effect. You might need to work with a counselor to reduce household fights, conflicts, and arguments to a minimum. Have a family meeting and let everyone know you want to work on bringing down the collective stress level.

Work-Related Stress

Thinking about a job and its time commitment can add more pressure to a teen struggling to balance work, school, and friends. Even if your teen doesn’t have a job, the thought of settling on a future career stresses out a lot of teenagers.

Remind your teen that finding the right job takes a lot of trial and error and that focusing on a career path should not be a high priority for a teenager. It’s important for a young person to try many jobs in order to discover what they like best. To reduce stress, your teen may be able to work full-time during school breaks or summer vacation so they don’t need to work during the school year. You can also try teaching your teen about budgeting and investing so they can make their money go further and ultimately end up working less hours.

Managing teen stress is hard work, and teens who regularly get a good night’s sleep (9.25 hours is recommended) have more energy to deal with their emotions than their sleep-deprived peers. Yet, a majority of teens  report  they aren’t getting enough sleep. To complicate this, teen stress might cause a teen to toss and turn, further reducing sleep quality. It’s a vicious cycle.

No Screens Before Bed Late-night screen time is terrible for teen sleep for two major reasons. First, the bright blue light simulates daylight, confusing the brain and interfering with the release of melatonin, the sleep molecule. Second, visual stimulation makes it harder for the brain to unwind and enter a restful state. Suggest your family start giving up screens one hour before bed as a good habit.

Following a sleep schedule and a predictable bedtime ritual are two essential techniques for getting better sleep. If you encourage your teen to wake up and get into bed at the same times every day, even on weekends, your teen will start to fall asleep more easily and feel more rested when they wake up. This can significantly reduce teen stress.

When teens are running short on sleep, some turn to coffee or tea as a pick-me-up. However, these beverages can make teen stress considerably worse. Caffeine stimulates the brain, increases heart rate, and causes anxiety symptoms such as stress to appear more intense. The drug also interferes with sleep quality, leading teens to compensate with more caffeine.

Nutrition has a big impact on teen stress as well. Teens get cranky when they don’t eat enough. To make matters worse, an unhealthy diet can lead teens to develop an unhealthy gut biome or a deficiency of crucial nutrients. An unhappy stomach leads to an unhappy mind, cranking up stress levels even higher. On the flip side, a healthy diet (even one great meal) can boost mood. Instead of singling out your teen as needing to change, consider revamping the entire family’s food choices. It can be fun to come up with healthy recipes together and challenge each other to hit daily nutritional goals.

Healthy Exercise

Exercise can also have positive effects on teen stress. Studies show teens who regularly work out gain a natural mood boost, whereas sedentary teens are at a greater risk of experiencing anxiety,  depression , and stress.

If you know or suspect your child or teen may be misusing substances, or may be having mental health issues, please reach out to: Saving Lives Five Towns Drug & Alcohol Coalition We are here to ensure you have the information and support you need. To Join Our Community Coalition please contact: Susan Blauner, Director Substance Abuse Prevention, Awareness and Education 516.569.6733

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"bringing about community awareness to address youth mental health and addiction issues and to reduce youth drug and alcohol use through education, media advocacy, increased enforcement and changes in policies."