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Our thoughts are with all of the families and individuals impacted by the devastating and unprecedented Southern California fires. In these challenging times, we are grateful so many found their way to safety, and grateful for the wide array of amazing “helpers” who have fought fires, conducted rescues, provided solace and shelter and nourishment, and simply been kind and caring.
Our newsletter today provides two things: 5 questions to reflect on as you navigate parenting in this devastating time and links to a few resources focused on psychological first aid – helpful for everyone and especially those who work with youth.
As you care for yourself and your families, consider these five questions:
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Have you checked in with yourself? Check in with yourself first. Many of us are moving fast – evacuating, responding to difficult news, caring for children and older parents, responding to the community, handling work demands, and so much more - even as our hearts are breaking. Everything can feel like an emergency. Some things are. But generally, not everything. What would it feel like to take a beat? Try to take a few deep breaths – breathing in and breathing out at a deep, slow pace. Perhaps take a moment to feel your feet. The solid ground. Gravity. Perhaps you can breathe in tandem with a partner or spouse before a difficult conversation with your child or children. Do you need to be completely calm? Absolutely not. I might even venture to say that “completely calm” right now is a difficult state to experience. But anything we can do to calm ourselves a bit more will be helpful in offering a more comforting psychological space for these conversations.
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Have you reassured your children - each day - that your family is safe? One of the most important things that children need right now, along with the benefits of co-regulating with you, is a reminder that they are safe. That you and your family are safe. Homes and schools and community and religious spaces may have been tragically destroyed. But what children need most is to know that they are safe. As part of this conversation, I often recall the words of Mr. Rogers, who said, “Look for the helpers.” There have been so many helpers! Noticing out loud and with gratitude the many helpers who’ve rushed to step in can increase a sense of safety. Of being held by many helping hands in our community. Perhaps consider making a gratitude list of helpers. Or create a tree with simple art supplies like markers and paper, with leaves that represent the different helpers kids and you have seen.
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Is it time for a news break? Keeping informed is a high priority. But the images and words in news reports can bring high levels of stress, fear, and sadness during this time. News exposure can be stressful and exhausting, for us as adults and especially for kids. Unplug for periods of time to help you and your children.
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Have you considered your family members' sensory style and sensitivities? The sights, sounds (sirens/wind), smells (smoke), and body sensations (dryness/heat) can create varying levels of discomfort for children and adults. Some of these sensations can be quite difficult to tolerate. Engage in activities that can provide relief from the exposure to unpleasant sensations. What are some "pleasant sensation" activities you can do as a family? This might include using noise cancelling headsets, soothing lotions for dry skin, or weighted blankets that can calm jangled nerves. You know your children and what can help bring comfort.
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Can you follow a helpful routine? Our everyday schedules give us all structure that benefits us in so many ways! And those schedules, for most of us this week, are very disrupted. Even those who live outside our geographic area share with me that they are distressed by the news, worried about loved ones here, having difficulty concentrating, and can’t stop checking their devices for more news. Friends and family throughout the country have had their schedules disrupted. Try to follow a general schedule for hydrating, nourishing our bodies with food, doing something physical (indoors if the air quality is not ok where we are), sleeping, and adding in some especially comforting activities such as stories, time with pets and stuffies, imaginative play, and day dreaming.
Please, please take care of yourself and your children. Knowing that recovery for our communities will be a long road, we’ll be sharing more in future newsletters that we hope will help you and us all navigate this journey.
For more ideas, check out our curated resources. If you have evacuated or may need to evacuate, there are some tips in these articles for you as well.
Resources for Psychological First Aid
LACPA (Los Angeles County Psychological Association):
Curated resources covering mental health and emotional support, guidance on talking to children about community trauma, parenting tips, and more
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry:
Talking to Children about Wildfires and Other Natural Disasters
National Child Traumatic Stress Network:
Parent Guidelines for Helping Children Impacted by Wildfires
Good Inside: Resources for Parents Navigating the California Wildfires
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