In our Just Faith program we are reading Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. A chapter introduced the concept of cognitive dissonance which may explain why good people can do horrible things, like slavery. This concept inspired me to reflect on my ability to empathize with others. I’ve always been very empathetic but how I respond to that empathy has evolved. Being empathetic used to be quite draining for me and often left me feeling resentful. I had good intentions. When someone suffered I felt bad for them so my response was to help them fix their problem. However, I didn’t realize my desire to fix their problem was because I couldn’t handle the discomfort of their suffering. It became more about myself and less about them. I knew this was true by my later reactions. After giving them a solution they would come back with the same story without even trying what I suggested. I would become angry. “If they would just listen to my advice they would be better” I thought. “I’m done, I can’t feel sorry for them anymore!” I would say. So then I asked myself “why can’t I?” The answer was because it hurt too much.

Most people don’t like to feel uncomfortable emotions. It’s easy for us to avoid these feelings because we live in a distracted society that gives us an “out” anytime we don’t feel good. The problem is if we can’t sit with our discomfort it makes it difficult to heal, grow, and understand ourselves. This prevents us from being able to understand others. Our suffering is a powerful connective tool. When we use it to empathize it leads us to compassion. However, if we never take the time to sit in our discomfort and heal, the problems of others can become emotional triggers in which we need to defend ourselves from. Hence, empathy becomes undesirable.

In the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary we meditate on Simon the Cyrenian who helps Jesus carry his cross. We are called to do the same for others. Bearing another’s cross, feeling their pain, and truly understanding their suffering is sacrificial love. When we connect at this level we don’t need to offer advice. Our compassion is shown from our willingness to suffer with them. The person feels less alone, understood, and empowered to come up with their own solutions. This is hard to do especially if we are not emotionally equipped. So when I think about the division in our country I wonder if we can’t stand to listen to the problems of others because we aren’t addressing our own. What helped me is I asked God to give me the courage and strength to sit with discomfort. I also asked for healing, I went to therapy and I sought out the Sacraments. God gives us grace and other gifts to help us heal. If we want to heal the wounds of our nation we need to start with our own.

-Stephanie Nguyen, Pastoral Assistant for Liturgy

Coordinator of Children's Ministry