The Zohar tells us that the Me'arat Hamachpeila is called the double cave because it connects this world to the next. It is a counterpart to the city of Yerushalayim. However, if we examine Jewish law, the strictures of sanctity pertain only to Yerushalayim and not to Chevron. Why is this so?

Rav Wolfson in his book Emunat Itecha explains a concept of itgalya, revelation and itkasya, concealment. Every physical thing in this world has its equivalent in the next world. We can easily perceive our biological and emotional soul, but the counterpart to this is in the hidden world, the upper levels of our soul, chaya and yechida. The Divine Presence also comes to us on two levels, b'itgalya, in a revealed way and b'itkasya, in a concealed manner. Yerushalayim is hitgalut, where we can sense Hashem's revealed presence. When the Beit Hamikdash stood, people entered its holy environs and emerged prophets because they felt Hashem's presence in such an intense way. Likewise, when we invest our hearts and minds into the study of Torah, we feel the Divine Presence close beside us. Rav Soloveitchik used to learn by himself but he often said, "I have a chavruta." He sensed the Shechina studying Torah with him. Intense prayer in shul elicits the same feeling of spiritual closeness.

Chevron and the Mearat Hamachpeila is itkasya, concealed holiness. Although Hashem's presence is there too, it is hidden, just as the Avot are buried deep within the ground.

Hashem created the world using three energies: place, time, and soul. Chassidut draws a parallel between them. There's a miniature Mearat Hamachpela inside each of us. When we begin Shemone Esrei we invoke the names of the Avot. We ask Hashem to listen to us the way he listened to our forefathers because they and we are one. Our revealed prayers go through Yerushalayim, but our inner supplications pass through the hidden burial cave of the Avot in Chevron.

Yerushalayim was destroyed because its holiness was exposed. Chevron remains with us forever precisely because it is concealed. Similarly, the part of our soul that is connected to the Avot can never be defiled no matter how far we've fallen. On the revealed level, our soul may be tainted, but deep within we remain pure because we are bonded to the Avot. Chevron comes from the root word chibur, connection. It signifies hope and redemption. King David's dynasty began in Chevron and in the future, Mashiach will redeem us with the power of this holy city.

Chevron is called Kiryat Arba, the city of four giants. They represent the four evils in the world: jealousy, desire, honor, and forbidden speech. These in turn correspond to the four exiles: Bavel, Persia, Greece, and Rome. Chevron appears evil on the outside, however, deep within one can find its hidden sanctity. The righteous Avot are the counterpart to the four evil giants. Their influence hovers over us in every corner of exile. No matter what evil we encounter, we remain connected to Hashem and the merit of the Avot.

Yerushalayim is revealed while Chevron is hidden. Every Jew has a beit hamikdash in his heart. When he's inspired, he can feel Hashem's presence b'itgalya, in an open way. But there are also times of itkasya, concealment, periods when it is hard to connect with Hashem. During those times we can hold on to the Machpela, where His presenceremains forever no matter what level we're at. The Beit Hamikdash in Yerushalayim was destroyed, but in a sense it continues to exist in Chevron, in Mearat Hamachpeila, and in the heart of every Jew.

Why was Sarah barren for so many years, if G-d wanted her in the end to have a son? The commentators tell us that it was part of Hashem's plan. She needed the years of childlessness in order to learn to surrender to Hashem. Her name was changed in reflection of her personal growth in this manner. Her original name Sarai means my officer, meaning she focused her authority and contril on herself. Her name was later changed to Sarah because she transformed herself so completely that she was able to rule over others too.

When Sarah finally accepted the reality that she wouldn't have children, she gave her maidservant Hagar as a wife to Avraham. Although she could have just accepted her lot and moved on, she wanted to do more.  

Hagar became arrogant and degraded Sarah. Sarah afflicted her and she fled. An angel appeared and asked her, "Where are you coming from and where are you going?" She answered simply, "I'm running away from Sarah." She didn't say, "I'm going back to Egypt." She couldn't face anyone with that, least of all herself. We too must ask ourselves, "Where are we going and what are we leaving behind?"  

Hashem commanded Hagar to call her second son Yishmael, which reflects his nature. Yishmael will always retain some connection with Hashem. He's a man of prayer. But his name is only his beginning point. The Torah describes him as a pereh adam, a wild thing in human form. With Yishmael there's no overcoming of self. The spirituality is there but the self-discipline is missing. This is what marks the Arab nations till today. They are inspired by the promise of physical reward. It's not about self-transcendence but rather about self-expansion.

When the angels came to visit Avraham, they asked him where Sarah was so that her modesty would endear her to him. Tzniut is about developing an inner life. Everything about Avraham was taking the outside and leading it to the inside. His constant refrain was, "Who made this? What is it for?" In today's world tzniut is such a degraded virtue. We are living in an exile in which there is little inner content. Being modest means having enough of an inner life to actually be our true self.  

Why did Sarah laugh inside? She hadn't moved far enough. A person with true emunah will find nothing impossible or ridiculous. Everything is potentially possible. Yitzchak means, "He shall laugh." What does joy accomplish? Like anything physical, it can be elevated. We are supposed to take Hashem seriously, but not the world. There's room for laughing at things people feel are important but really aren't.  

Sarah was extremely beautiful and modest and had enormous spiritual awareness. She was greater in prophecy than Avraham. She died when she heard of the akeidah. Chazal explain, parcha nishmata, her soul flew beyond her. Her death was a spiritual elevation. She could have succumbed to bitterness, but instead her soul stretched far above, ascending to the throne of glory in a halo of perfect trust.

Havdala is recited twice, the first time in Maariv with the blessing of Ata Chonantanu and again over a cup of wine.     

Why do we say Havdala in the blessing of Atah Chonen? The Yerushalmi in Brachot says, "Im ein da'at havdala minayin." Without intellect, it is impossible to distinguish between different things. To make Havdala, one needs a measure of intellect. On Shabbat we are focused solely on spirituality. We don't ask for any physical needs. Havdala serves as a sanction to begin working again. Therefore, Ata Chonantanu is inserted before the first supplication of mercy in order to allow us to engage in further requests.   

If you forget Ata Chonantanu, you don't have to recite it again, if you will be reciting Havdala over wine. If you didn't say either of them, you must recite the prayer in Shachrit. The Mishna Berura cites the Magen Avraham that the makeup prayer would be the second prayer. Rav Akiva Eiger disagrees. Ata Chonantanu should be inserted in the first prayer because one needs its sanction to engage in further supplications.     

One should not eat, drink, or do work before Havdala. If you are in the middle of a bread meal that you started before the end of Shabbat you can continue eating without reciting Havdala, but if it is just a fruit or cake meal, you must stop before bein hashmoshot, thirty minutes before the stars appear. Once Shabbat ends, one should say 'Baruch hamavdil bein kodesh l'chol' and then work is permitted. Women who generally don't daven Maariv should be careful to say this. Why can't we eat or do work before Havdala? On some level it's still Shabbat, until it is formally concluded. In addition, Chazal wanted to be sure we wouldn't forget to make Havdala.

The cup for Havdala must not be pagum (flawed). It is filled until the wine overflows, showing our confidence in Hashem's beneficence.     

The Mishna Berura mentions that women shouldn't drink the wine because it is possible that they are not obligated in the blessing over the flame and there's a hefsek (break) between Hagafen and the drinking.   

Many poskim maintain that one cannot fulfill Havdalah over the phone. Rav Moshe ruled that where there is no choice, it is permitted.   

We smell sweet smelling spices to give us a lift after losing our neshama yeteirah, (extra soul). According to the Mishna Berura, one should not make a blessing on the spices if one can't smell.   

One should use an avuka, a candle with multiple wicks for the blessing on the flame. Most poskim do not consider electricity to be aish (fire), but some rule that an incandescent bulb does fall under this category.

There is a custom to escort the Shabbat out with a bread meal, called Melave Malka. One should eat as soon after Shabbat as possible so that it's noticeable that it's not just a regular meal. If one is very full then one should at least eat fruit or mezonot. Our sages tell us that the luz bone is nourished with the food of Melave Malka. The resurrection of the dead will begin from this bone. Melave Malka highlights the sanctity of Shabbat. Shabbat is not just a one day affair. It's a reservoir of holiness that flows over into the coming week.

Question:

I've been adhering more and more to the laws of tzniut(modesty),though I didn't grow up with it. Yet whenever I return to visit the people and places I grew up with, I tend to discard most of it. I don't want anyone to notice that I'm dressing differently, especially my friends and family who equate tzniut with some kind of strict religiosity that they resent.  What can I do in order to make this transition easier for myself and those around me?

Answer:

The real problem is the problem within yourself. You don't value your tzniut. You see it as a system you'd like to adhere to, but it isn't something that makes you proud. You need to associate more with the people who are respected and admired in the community. You must look for role models. The goal is to get to the point where you can happily say, "I'm on that team," and really mean it.

If you could do this experientially that would be best, but if not, do it through reading. Develop your pride in tzniut until you feel comfortable projecting yourself to others as a person who made a decision in life to act and dress modestly.

If you are not self-conscious wearing frum clothing, but instead project an aura of dignity and poise, people will pick up on these vibes and feel the same way towards you.