* Part 7 and Final Segment in Our Holiday Season Series *

Part 1 – Family Gatherings & the Roles We May Fall Into  

Part 3 – Strategies for your best holiday: Reflect, Stay You, Be Present  

New Year’s resolutions are one way to make changes in our lives.

Popular resolutions address concerns and goals we have about our habits (spending, eating, exercising, sleeping, relationships, or organization) and about how we spend our time (traveling, learning, connecting with people we love, volunteering). If you have made a resolution and then forgotten about it, gotten sidetracked, or realized it wasn’t possible, you are not alone. Not surprisingly, our resolve may be short lived. If you are inclined to make resolutions or set goals for the New Year, consider these strategies to increase the likelihood of your success.  

Many experts recommend making small, incremental changes rather than a complete overhaul of your habits. 

“I’m going to be vegan, stop drinking, and get to the gym everyday!” That may be too much change all at once. Take small steps instead. “I’ll prepare (or buy) vegan meals and have them for lunch or dinner at least 3 days each week.” 

Once that’s part of your routine, you can decide whether you want to keep moving towards a vegan diet. If so, you can keep increasing the number of days and vegan meals you’re eating. Similarly, “I’m going to meditate for 20 minutes every day” is a resolution that may be more achievable if revised to “I’m going to meditate at least 2 days each week and take 5 slow, mindfully aware, deep breaths at least once a day.” As you practice this, you can decide whether to increase the meditation and/or deep breathing habits.  

Some people recommend using SMART—specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time sensitive goals.

If we apply this to an exercise goal, we would notice that “exercise more” is not very specific. “I’m going to walk, do yoga, or ride my bike” is more specific. To make it measurable, we choose frequency and duration—“I will do this at least 20 minutes, at least 3 times each week.” To make the goal attainable, we need to have access (a safe place to walk, healthy legs, a bike, a yoga class or video) and time. Motivation plays a big role in making the goal relevant, exercise has been shown to improve mood, ease insomnia, and improve physical health—all very compelling reasons to take walks, ride bikes and do yoga. In terms of time sensitivity, we can choose deadlines and milestones to celebrate, “I will do this for 3 months, then review the progress and revise my goals.”

Another strategy to help is to share your goals and plans with others. Posting, writing, or talking about our goals helps us to stay on track and adds to the celebration when we achieve milestones along the way.

When setting goals or resolving to change something, we have a much better chance of success if the goal really matters to us. There may be goals that sound good, but really matter more to other people. If you hear someone else’s voice and the sentence starts with “You should” or “You need to,” that might be a goal that you are not invested in achieving. “You should be more organized!” “You need to be more social!” “You need to lose 10 pounds!” These may sound like reasonable suggestions, but they may not be important to you, you may not have opportunities, or you may not know how to make those things happen.

Pressure, criticism, and “should” are not ideal ways to formulate goals. Think about what brings you joy, ways you can be more present and effective in your work and relationships, ways you make a difference in the welfare of those around you, and things that bring out the best in you. Those are areas where you could set a goal that you are motivated to achieve. “I want to hug at least one person every day.” “I’m going to listen more carefully when people are talking to me, using eye contact and putting my phone away.” “I’m going to say yes more often when people offer to help me.”

This moment in history and the challenges we’re facing offer powerful motivation to focus on self-care and wellness. Having resolutions and goals that enhance our well-being is especially important right now. Our body-mind-spirit system is completely connected. Having healthy nutrition, sleep, and exercise affects our physical and mental wellbeing; being in close, connected relationships actually improves our physical and mental health; and, expressing spirituality improves our mental health. Some resolutions related to self-care might include getting a good night’s sleep, spending time with loved ones, eating nutritious foods, exercising to improve our mood, and contributing to the welfare of others. Just as physical exercise can lower our resting heart rate, being mindful and being compassionate with ourselves can lower our resting anxiety/frustration rate.

"The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

~Marcel Proust.

To lower the resting anxiety and frustration rate, we can use some of the strategies mentioned earlier in this series. Being present in the moment, practicing self-compassion, reflecting on our goals, and practicing gratitude (any good is good) are all ways we can decrease the pain of distress.

A SMART, sharable goal to reduce anxiety might look like this:

There’s no requirement to have New Year’s resolutions. You may have enough on your mind right now without thinking about goals and self-improvement - and that is OK too. But if you are inclined or inspired to make resolutions, please make resolutions that are kind, generous, and loving to yourself. It may be to practice gratitude, to get more exercise, to reach out for help, and/or to be more compassionate. 

May you be covered with forgiving love, may you find home. " 

www.FamilyServiceCenter.com | [email protected]

Your Year-End Tax Deduction can Change Lives

"The pandemic has created unique challenges for tax-exempt organizations, and we want to make sure people don't overlook this special tax deduction that's available this year," said Sunita Lough, IRS Commissioner of the Tax Exempt and Government Entities division. "Donations to qualifying charities can reduce people's tax bill when they file in 2022." Learn more on the IRS website.

FSC's Annual Appeal is underway. Nearly 50% of the work at FSC is funded by donations. To better demonstrate that very real support to those who come to FSC’s new offices, we are creating a Hallway of Hope. Your donation can add an engraved butterfly to let those walking FSC’s halls know that they are not alone. Learn more on our website.